Mothers In Law

13 Replies
josie4 - September 26

Is anyone else's MIL driving them CRAZY??!! Mine has been staying with us the past few days and I can't wait till she leaves! She snoops through everything (sometimes right in front of dh and I) and needs constant attention. This morning at 5 am I woke up to banging noises and the vacuum. She was cleaning and rearranging our house at 5 am... ?? (I think she's trying to compete with me for dh's attention/approval.) Now she's planning on staying with us after the baby is born to 'help' (she's more work and a nuisance than help and I don't need someone trying to hold my baby more than me, watch me br___tfeed and then snoop through my things). I told my dh to tell her two weeks after the baby is born and no sooner (and I want her here no longer than two days...). Of course she whined about that. She also drinks at all hours of the day and got a dui a couple months ago, so she can't drive right now (just the kind of influence my child needs!). Why do some MILs have to be like this?

 

WP - September 26

Yikes! That sucks. Vacuuming at 5am?! Who's got the nesting instinct here? My MIL is driving me crazy because she calls every single day for an update on my condition, but that's nothing compared to yours. You'd think the drinking would mellow her out a bit, eh? How's your dh dealing with it? Is he getting p__sed off too? It would be worse if he doesn't see a problem with her.

 

josie4 - September 26

DH is very annoyed by her, but I think he brushes most of it off. I don't know why on earth he did this, but last night he asked her if she wanted to be at the birth. I almost had a heart attack and later told him to consult with ME before he invites people to the birth (she's not coming, btw). Also, in addition to the drinking, she smokes pot and possibly uses cocaine, oh and she takes sleeping pills and alcohol! (She used to be a drug dealer and would take my dh along to the drug deals. He was under 10 at the time.) I really don't know how to deal with her. I don't want her controlling my child's life, which is what she wants to do. :(

 

DaBonkElsMe - September 26

Jeez, that's really a tough situation. My MIL is coming to "help" after our baby is born too. She can be a pain too, but nothing like what you're describing. Your DH really needs to grow a pair and tell his mom she can visit, of course, but that you don't really need her help all of the time. Try going with the route that you want to experience this for yourselves and make your own decisions and even mistakes as new parents. If he doesn't step in, you might have to just tell her you don't want your baby exposed to certain things like drug and alcohol abuse. You have every right to tell her she cannot smoke pot or use drugs in your home or when she's going to be in contact with your child. Man, that's tough though, hope she settles down. good luck!

 

WP - September 26

Wow. Definitely not the 'role-model' type. I can't believe your dh invited her to the birth without asking you!!! All of her character flaws aside, the birth is a very intimate and personal moment. You won't want someone there who'll stress you out. Not that this excuses her behavior, but maybe she's trying to make up for all of the mistakes she made with her children by being there for yours. Doesn't mean you have to put up with it or anything, but maybe that's her mentality. Perhaps it's wrong of me to a__sume she made mistakes with her kids, but, well, the whole dealer thing might not have been such a great environment for kids. Anyway, it sounds like you've got your dh on your side, so at least your not fighting both of them.

 

josie4 - September 26

WP you're exactly right. I think she feels terribly embarra__sed and guilty about the way she raised him and she's trying to make up for it with our child(ren). I honestly think hubby wasn't tinking when he asked her to be here. He's proud and excited and just blurted it out (the reason it came up was because we were talking about what we'd do when I go into labor). DH is definitely on my side and doesn't want her around any more than I do, but I think he wants to give her a chance and not push her away. I really don't think she's all there sometimes.

 

cfuller - September 26

wow... that's messed up. i don't have the same problem with my MIL as you, thank goodness. I still can't stand my in-laws though, they are absolutely controling and manipulative. It took a year after our marriage for my husbad to finally get some b___s and stand up to his parents and tell them "no!" they still try to control of course, but i think they are starting to realize that nothing they say or do will work anymore. They try the whole guilt trip thing but we have nothing to feel guilty about so it just makes us laugh when they try it. For my pregnancy they act like they don't even care and they never ask how I am or how the baby is. They don't ever call unless they want something either. I personally don't care, i'd rather have them uninvolved than badgering me all the time and giving me unwanted advice! My parents are so involved in my pregnancy and with the two other kids so at least my kids have a set of sane and wonderful grandparents! I still can't believe that your MIL is puling this kind of c___p around you right now, you don't need that kind of stress right now and I'm glad you put your foot down and said no to her being there when the baby is born. Good for you!! I'm glad your hubby is so supportive of you too!! GL with all of this!

 

docbytch - September 26

Wow josie..this seems to be an issue affecting many ladies on this forum. I am very sorry for you having to deal with this! Your MIL in particular sounds problematic. Can't she leave before the baby is born? Why does yourt DH want her there? This woman needs to get OUT. Here's the other thing....with her history of illegal drug use...if she were to be doing drugs in the home and someone caught wind of it...you could find yourself under one helluva lot of scrutiny..all the way up to losing your child to the state. Doubtful anyone would find out of course...but it is a great argument you could present to DH as a reason to get this person OUT! Good luck to you!

 

Tory1980 - September 26

If she is doing drugs or drinking I wouldn't have her in the house for numerous reasons - not least of being she is dangerous around a newborn! If anyone got wind of it too there could be the chance of investigation etc which you can do without. You will have enough problems trying to get yourself in a routine without having to worry if you get up during the night to find she has moved something around and you fall over it and break your neck! I thought I had problems! Just rememeber you are the mother, what you say goes - period! Don't back down and if your hubby is upset about her too then no offence but he needs to act like an adult and tell her to get lost!

 

josie4 - September 26

She'll be leaving tonight actually. She lives about 1.5 hours from us and claimed she missed us and wanted to come see us (she just wants to get away from her husband, dh's stepdad, and come do drugs with her best friend who lives in the area). She wants to come back after the baby is born to 'help out'. I don't know why my husband asked her if she wanted to be at the birth, I don't think he wants her here either... Maybe he wasn't serious. I really don't know, we haven't talked about it again. Also, she did say no when he asked her. I think she's picked up on enough of my feelings for her. She brings her alcohol when she stays with us, but she doesn't do drugs (she knows better than that, plus she lies and says she doesn't do them). I imagine my dh wouldn't let her come if she tried doing that here. She is harmless when she drinks, she laughs a lot and won't quit talking. She just makes a fool of herself. She's driving me nuts, but I think this problem will solve itself. DH can't tolerate her for long and will call her out on her bad behavior (sometimes a little excessively, and to the point of picking a fight, I think). If I tell him two weeks, he'll respect me.

 

josie4 - September 26

The cleaning and rearranging doesn't bother me too much, but the snooping really does. Yesterday she was wandering around the house looking at random papers lying around and dh asked her, "What are doing Mom? Do you want to see my bank statements? Mortgage statements? What?" I thought that was funny and I'm glad DH got on her about the snooping.

 

jessieb - September 26

HI josie!!! Been a long time huh!? Life got real busy between starting a business and being pregnant. I wanted to stop by, say hello and say DITTOOOOOOOO on the MIL situation. OMG! I adore my MIL. I have ever since I met her, she is the total opposite of my mother and I enjoyed the difference. Last December my husband and I moved to a new small town. February of this year, my MIL and her husband (not my husbnad's dad, stepdad) moved out here near us. They are about 45 minutes away, which is the next town over. Yes, we live in BFE. WELL, since I told her I was prego when they moved here, it started. She is driving me batty. She is so overprotective and over-mothering me and smothering me. No drug use or anything like that! But the annoying overstepping boundaries that MILs are so famous for. "hold the handrail. here's some water. are you hot? do you need to sit down. hold the handrail. are you okay? here, wear my hat. how are you feeling? waht did the doctor say? is that okay? watch your step' just non-stop, over the top mothering. My mom was a very laid back mom. NEVER did she do things like this. I can't deal. She asked to come to a childbirth cla__s. NO, she is not. She emails me every morning that I have a doc appt, HOW she remembers, I dont' know. She emails me and says 'call me and tell me what the doctor says'. Which is annoying, the appts take 5 minutes with the doctor but we have to talk to her for ten about the really insignificant 5 minute routine appt. I know that seems silly to get annoyed with. She wants to marvel over the fact that everything is normal and I am a routine patient. I had 2 previous m/c. Like it is surprising her everytime I have a routine appt. 'Oh that is wonderful, that is such great news. I love hearing that it is all normal.' OKAY, here is another big one: the touching. I HATE WHEN PEOPLE TOUCH MY BELLY. HATE it. She doesn't care and will stand next to me just touching my belly. I freak out and walk away every time. I have told my MIL how I don't like people touching me, she thinks she is exempt or something. I have removed her hand, it just won't end. The nickname.... since we did not find out what we are having she decided to nickname our baby and I hate that too. She calls it 'little bit' I don't think it is cute. I don't think it is her place to nickname our baby. I think this one p__sed me off because once I was in my 20 weeks, she would say to me 'we are going to have to stop calling it little bit, you are getting so big now!' FIRST off, we don't call it little bit. 2nd, I am not getting big. 33 weeks, right now, I have only gained 21 lbs. 3rd, never tell a prego woman, she is getting big. Totally rude. OMG, I get so annoyed just thinking about it all....She is coming into town tomorrow and I am dreading it. The doting, ugh, it is just too much. I fear it will only get worse after baby is here.

 

jessieb - September 26

oh i almost forgot.... this is a good one. A couple weekends ago my husband and I spent the night up at their house. I got up in the morning and came back to town to open the business. In my bleary eyed trek to the shower I dropped my fresh clean pair of panties in the toilet. der. I was in their bas____nt so I just through my undies in the dryer while I showered and retrieved them dry after the shower. Not a big deal. While eating breakfast I asked if they had heard the dryer going. I wanted to explain so they would know why the dryer was going. My husband chuckled, haha, cute story. Glad it all worked out. My MIL snaps into over the top, super mother in law mode 'OH!! Do you need some underwear? I have plenty of underwear you can wear? I can go get some." I nearly died. Over my dead body would I wear my MIL underoos. I would go commando before I would EVER EVER EVER wear her underwear. I was just appalled that she even offered. calm down super mom....She is just trying too hard. bless her heart.

 

josie4 - September 27

Jessie!!!!! How are you? Long time no see! I hope everything is going well for you and your baby. Little bit? That's a yucky nickname! My MIL calls the baby her bambino and her baby. Excuse me? Since when is this your baby?? The other night I was adding stuff to my baby registry and she was sitting with me 'helping' me. We were looking at stuff that's already been bought and she was like, "Oh, you don't want that! Get this instead." If I didn't want it, it wouldn't be on the list. Geesh. Lol, yuck! I would never wear MIL's underwear either! My MIL keeps giving me her 15 year old clothes that she used to wear to work... They've got holes and stains and of course these hideous floral patterns that make me dizzy (and oversized shorts that would come past my knees!). Lol. My baby shower ought to be interesting (she's coordinating it). We had to tell her no alcohol... That's sad.

 

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