Mum At The Actual Delivery How Do I Say No Nicely

12 Replies
Rachel.R - January 15

Im 40 weeks today.. and my mum has been hinting to me for months now that she wants to be there at the birth.. Now I hate to be mean.. but i dont want her there.. Like i love my mum to bits, and dont get me wrong, i want her to be a part of this, but I really think the actual delivery should be for my boyfriend and I. I have spoken to my boyfriend, and we both agree that it wouldnt be fair for my mum to be there, and his mum not. I dont want to be on display, and I dont think it should be a family thing with everyone in there. Im very concious about my body as it is, and the thought of my mother and my bfs mother there only make it worse. So can anyone give me any advise on how I can tell my mum, i love her, and I would love her to be a part of this, but not the delivery. I really dont want to be mean about this cause she has really been there for me. So any advice would be great. Thanks :)

 

Amber - January 15

The way that I politey explained it to my mother (after she TOLD me she was going to be there) was simply, "I would like it to be a special time between me and my partner. You are welcome to come in right after i get cleaned up, and while i am laboring though!" Now my mom, was PISSED! But everyone else, thought it was splendid!

 

mon17 - January 16

You have to do what is comfortable to you. It may p__s her off but she has to realise its your choice. You could try telling her that your just not that comfortable with the thought of her seeing you go through everything and it is a time for just you and your boyfriend. I know for me it might not be that much of a problem because the delivery rooms are really small. And with all the nurses and the doctor their wouldn't be enough room and she would just get ing the way.

 

hi - January 16

Hello, i think the way you said it in your post would work really well. It is the honest truth and saying that how can she fight you? It is a very special time for you and your partner, so make sure you are comfortable! Good luck.

 

Sian1 - January 16

I know how you feel. That was one big issue when i had my kids. With my 1st daughter i didnt want to be mean so i said yes any way, i ended up being in labour for 36hrs so she went home to rest and ended up missing my daughter being born. Then with my other 2 children it worked out great cos even though she really wanted to be there i told her i would really like it if she would babysit my other child/ren because shes the only one i trusted enough to look after them, so that worked out good to. As 'hi' said, just tell her exactly how you feel, and the way you worded it in your post did sound good!goodluck, i know how hard it is!

 

sarahlorrain - January 16

I would explain, that is she gets to be there, then all the other people who want to but can't might be jealous. and also, it should be a special moment for your bf and you. The way I explained it to people, was, it was just the two of us when we made the baby, and we want it to be just the two of us when it comes. With our daughter, we did allow my mil to be in there until it was time to push. We told her she could stand outside and listen, LOL!

 

mel - January 16

my advice is to tell her everything you just said above. there's no way that you can stop her disappointment, but I bet she'll understand and respect your wishes. good luck.

 

Ginny - January 16

If all else fails, you can simply ask your nurses not to alow anyone in. When I took the tour of the hospital in which I'll be delivering, we were told that it's not a problem for them to keep people out, and they don't mind taking the heat! I thought that was pretty nice. But since your mom seems really supportive, and it sounds like you have a strong relationship, I suggest you talk straight with her.

 

Marlene - January 16

Just tell your mom the truth. You said you guys are close so she should understand. Tell her you want her there for the labor and after your cleaned up just not the pushing. That way she can be apart of some of it.

 

Tara - January 17

I understand your situation. My fiancee's mom wants to be in the delivery room with us, but then I'll have to invite my mom. On top of that, the only people who I want to be there at that moment are the hosptial personnel and my fiancee. Don't worry simply tell her the truth. Tell her that you don't feel comfortable. Tell her she can be with you while you are dialating, but the labor you want to be a private experience. She'll probably be a little hurt at first, but she'll understand. Also, it may help to tell that if you let her go then everyone else will want to go too and that's too many people.

 

Tara - January 17

I understand your situation. My fiancee's mom wants to be in the delivery room with us, but then I'll have to invite my mom. On top of that, the only people who I want to be there at that moment are the hosptial personnel and my fiancee. Don't worry simply tell her the truth. Tell her that you don't feel comfortable. Tell her she can be with you while you are dialating, but the labor you want to be a private experience. She'll probably be a little hurt at first, but she'll understand. Also, it may help to tell that if you let her go then everyone else will want to go too and that's too many people.

 

Rachel.R - January 17

thanks for your support.. my mum asked me the other day, and i tried to explain it to her nicely... But she didnt listen, she just said "well fine then rachel, if you DONT WANT me there, you just have to say so" and she stormed off. Im getting annoyed, cause its not that i dont want her there, its well that i would rather only my bf. Mum wasnt there when we made little ashlee, so i only want the person who was with me. I guess im going to have to just put up with her being angry at me. Like im delivering at a birth center. And the hospital im delivering in isnt really "visitor friendly" its very new, and open plan and there is no where for my mum and my boyfriends mum to even stay while im in labour, its either out with the freak show, or in the actual room i will be delivering in.. and to be honest.. having my mum in there with me for more than a couple of hours will drive me nuts. So yeh... thanks for your help. When bubs born(which i hope is like now, cause im 2days over and really uncomfy). I will come back and tell everyone how things went down. Thanks again everyone.

 

I'd say... - January 18

"Silly Mommy - you weren't there when we MADE the baby, so it can't be too much to ask if you also weren't there when we HAVE the baby....but you can come in right afterwards!"

 

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