Need Advice Just A Vent

5 Replies
Nerdy_Girl_10242006 - September 25

I posted the other day in the infant care section about my husband working doubles. Before Samyera was born we said that he wouldn't get a second job unless we ABSOLUTELY needed it. So he ok's it and agrees. Now he is pulling double shifts at work...I keep on telling him its not any different from a second job. He just says, you said I couldn't get a NEW job, and I didn't. I don't ever see him. He leaves at 5:30 in the morning, and isn't home til about 10:00pm. He says he is doing it because I WANT these things and wants to get me them. Why don't he give me something I NEED???? Time with him and our daughter. I love being a stay at home mom, but I can't handle being home alone ALL day with just me and my daughter. I need him there. I have always been with him since we got together. I'm not used to being without him. I thought he had a good reason with the whole anniversary thing, but truthfully I think he is doing it to get away from me. I don't see why he needs to work that much, I thought he was only making 20 dollars and hour, but with doubles he makes 30, only cause it is considered overtime and he gets time and a half. I am always on the phone telling him how I feel, he don't listen...I always end up crying and just getting mad. I feel like this is him pushing me away, and it is working. He first said it was just this month...then he changed it and said the end of October...and NOW all of a sudden, its until his boss says something and tells him he can't. Which in all honesty, can be over a year. I'm falling apart over here trying to raise my daughter. I hate Dads who aren't in the picture. Bringing in an income is one thing...but doing it to buy me things (supposedly) is just stupid. Our anniversary is October 24th...Why does he need to work til his boss tells him to quit???? I swear he is either cheating, thinking about cheating, or just fed up with me. I don't know what to think or do anymore. I can't take it...and if he does keep working, I think I will leave. Because he makes promises, doesn't keep them and then when I tell him he promised...he just denys it. I can't do this. If he wants to work, then he can...but his excuses don't add up and I will raise my daughter else where

 

musicbaby - September 25

I would be mad too nerdy! I dont really have any advise for you cause I think that I would be at a loss too if I was in your situation. Just wanted to say that I feel for you. Perhaps you need to have a sit down serious talk about what this is meaning in your relationship and that you are not prepaired to let it continue.... maybe a wake up call is just what he needs. Take care.

 

WP - September 26

Hiya NerdyGirl! Sorry about your worries. It's a crazy time for a couple and to top it all off, you're very vulnerable with the whole postpartum hormonal thing right now. The first few months is a HUGE adjustment period - for all of you. It could be that your husband is feeling a bit overwhelmed. Not so long ago it used to be just you and him, now he has to share you. Newborns are not always a ball of fun to some people (like me). All they seem to do is sleep (odd hours), eat and poop. In a few weeks, once Samyera starts smiling and giggling and reacting, then things get interesting. I'm not saying that your fears or concerns about your husband aren't grounded, but it's important to try to see his side of things too. Sounds like you might need to spend some time alone with him and talk it out. If he's still acting like this (or worse) in a few months, then you might want to consider other options, but now might be too soon to judge his actions. And go easy on yourself too!

 

micorazon - September 26

Hi Nerdygirl...Im sorry that you are feeling this way. Like Music said I would be careful not to get to angry too quickly. Men respond to things differently than we do at times and as we jump straight into maternal mode, they may feel the added responsibility and feel like they need to be able to provide for the child and run to work more. I am no marriage counselor by far, but it may help if the two of you sit down and really take a look at what your living expenses are and how much income you have and decide together if there is a need for the overtime. That may help you to see that it may be helpful that he is working overtime right now or help him to see that it isnt really neccessary. Is the baby sleeping when he gets home? Does he interact with her when he comes in at 10? You may also want to look into a mothers group or play group so that you arent alone with the baby all day. I know that doesnt replace your husband but it would get you out and having some adult interaction which may also make him being out of the house for so many hours feel a little different as well. Good luck.

 

docbytch - September 26

Hey Nerdy Girl! I am very sorry you are feeling so alone. I was about to advise you myself but saw that these other three ladies have things rather nicely covered. I would especially emphasize going over the family budget TOGETHER so you can see for yourself if indeed his working overtime is warranted. I know from the sounds of things prior to Samyera's birth that you and him appeared very much in love. It is my guess that he still loves you just as much...but that in his mind...all this working overtime is his attempt to do the right thing in providing for his family. Good luck with this and keep us all updated. 8-)

 

Nerdy_Girl_10242006 - September 27

OK, we talked it all over and we both went over everything. He realized that the hours aren't as necessary as he thought. He is now home 3 days a week and only doubles 2 nights. He does good with Samyera right as he gets home he takes her from me, eats dinner with her and plays with her for a bit (he can get her laughing and smiling alot) but he was planning on buying me a new computer, a really nice laptop since I hate the one we have now, he thought that was what I REALLY wanted. Instead we talked and we are going to get family pictures done for our first wedding anniversary, but after october 24th he is going to quit unless we need it, which we dont...he gets paid weekly and about 800 to 1,000 a week so its not like we are hurting on money since for us rent is cheap at 700 and we dont pay utilities

 

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