Not So Nice Friends

18 Replies
Nicole - February 7

I have a friend who lately has really been p___sing me off. It may just be I'm oversensitive but her comments about my weight gain are really making me angry. The other day we were out to lunch and out of nowhere she tells me my butt's gotten bigger! I didn't ask for her opinion and was rather offended that she seemed to think it was so funny, especially because she's quite overweight. Then she tells me she's been telling other people I know! Then last night on the phone she was talking about another girl at work who is also pregnant and due within two weeks of me. She makes a point of saying how she's sooo much smaller than I am (which I really don't see). Do you think I should feel as hurt and offended as I do? I mean, I'm 31 weeks and have gained 27lbs, I don't think that's horrible, and a lot of other people have been commenting on how great I look. Does anyone else have a friend like mine?

 

mel - February 7

friends are supposed to build you up....not tear you down. that sucks. you mentioned that she is quite overweight....do you think maybe she's revelling in the fact that you're gaining weight right now? 27lbs at 31 weeks is awesome. you're doign great. I would let her know that you don't appreciate the comments she's making. if she's really your friend, she'll apologize and stop it. if not.....it's a good way of weeding someone out that wasn't a good friend to begin with. hope everything works out for you! you're doing great!!

 

Girl Gilly - February 7

Does she realize how much she is hurting your feelings? Maybe she is just completely unaware of how hurtful she is being. If that is the case, share your feelings with her. Regardless, she is not being a great friend with those comments. Every woman gains a different amount of weight. Some even lose weight when pregnant. Don't focus so much on how much you weigh, but on your health and the baby's. If your friend has nothing positive to say then maybe you should hang out with those friends that say you look great more often. We pregnant ladies have our own negative thoughts to deal with we don't need our friends to be picking on us.

 

Krinny - February 7

Well I accidentally clicked on third trimester instead of second, but I'm glad I did! Nicole, I am going through pretty much the same thing you are, except my friend kicked me out of her wedding! I was supposed to be her maid of honor but she decided to kick me out and have her gay friend as the "queen of honor" instead. She actually tried to persuade me out of the wedding by saying, "Well aren't you going to be self conscious about your weight? I mean, you will be at your biggest". NO! If you are comfortable with your weight gain, that's all that matters. I believe some people are just jealous and try to make others feel bad...I agree with everything Mel said!

 

Lyd - February 7

That doesn't sound like a very good friend.

 

yungmama - February 7

Krinny, I would get rid of that friend. My bf says stuff to me all the time joking around but it still bothers me. I am only 26 wks and have gained 30 lbs so far. He thinks it is okay b/c my mom says stuff sometimes but that is the kind of relationship we have. When he says it it hurts cuz I still want him to think I am s_xy. I don't think I want my mom to tell me I'm s_xy. lol

 

Mary - February 7

I would tell her that your weight gain is b/c you are having a baby. Tell her when you have the baby you will automatically lose 20 lbs. Ask her what her excuse is.

 

Angie in MI - February 7

Unfortunately not everyone realizes those comments are not nice during pregnancy. Alot of people think they can say what ever they want and it doesn't really mean anything. I would gentally let her know that her comments are hurting your feelings and if she doesn't stop, remove yourself from being around her.

 

SarahB - February 7

Nicole I kind of have the opposite problem that you have. I work with a girl who is constantly making comments about other pg women. She looks at Katie Holmes or Angelina Jolie and says oh shes so fat now. Im like NO SHES PREGNANT! Or shell say Britney Spears is so fat since she had that baby. It makes me really self conscious of how I look while preg. and if she thinks the same things about me but doesn't say. I think your friend is very rude to say those sort of things to you though and I would stop hanging around her for a while and you are not being oversensitive.

 

Chris - February 8

Sounds like your friend is jealous of you for some reason. Maybe even though you are pregnant you still look better? I would just come back with a joke like " I know I need a Wide Load sticker on my b___t. If you let her know it doesn't bother you (even though it does) it won't be any fun for her to make jibes at you.

 

Karoline - February 8

You should just tell her that her b___t is getting bigger too!

 

Rachael - February 9

That's not a good friend at all. It sounds like she's jealous, or as Mel said, maybe she's gloating because you're getting bigger. Next time she says something, joke back with something like 'Yeah, I'm catching up with you now!' That should shut her up! :o)

 

Nicole - February 9

Thanks for all the good ideas! You gals rock!

 

climbergirl - February 9

I would definately tell your 'friend' that you are putting on weight to sustain another life... I'd ask her what her excuse is.. like the other gals said. Then I'd just stop being her friend. I've put on about 40lbs and i'm 40 weeks preg. so I'm okay with that. I'm in great shape, have eaten well and am still exercising a little even now. I came into the pregnancy a little on the small side, so I feel I am doing just fine. I actually have a b___t right now! woohoo! wide or not it is all mine and the baby's. My husband likes my curves too. I don't plan on keeping them once the baby comes, hopefully I'll be back in my sz 4's by summer. Regardless, if any of my friends said I looked anything b___t fabulous I'd tell them to f-off!

 

K - February 9

If shes overweight I would guess her insecurities are coming out its the one time your gaining weight and shes not. She may find this the only time to point it out, second you have a reason and I would slip that in. "At least I have a reason" I know I'm much more sensitive and when I get down about gaining my friend reminds me I'm pregnant and I'm suppose to, it doesn't make it any easier which I tell her, sometimes you just need to vent. Try not to think about it, Most people tell me I'm not very big then I have one person make a comment about twins.....Well guess which one sticks in my head?

 

sye - February 9

i think you should talk to your friend and tell her that you're upset or sensitive by her comments..any friend would respect your feelings

 

Melanie - February 10

I think there are a lot of great comments here! It is sad that she feels insecure enough about herself that she needs to act that way, but it probably stems from deep-down feeling-c___ppy-about-herself sort of stuff. Still doesn't make it okay, though, and I think it's important that you say so. She needs to know, "Hey, that's not cool!"......gaining weight is a normal, essential part of carrying a child. Would she make fun of you for wearing a cast if you broke your leg? If she responds that you're being too sensitive, ask her if she could be a little MORE sensitive to how she's feeling. It's never, ever nice to tease about someone's weight, regardless of why they're bigger. Some gals mention that they feel yucky and fat as a cow while they're pg, which is too bad. I'm 32wks, have gained 32lbs and feel like this is just where my body should be. I'm eating well (nourishing that sweet little one!), exercising, and feel great! I do chuckle with my husband sometimes when I look in the mirror at my naked body.....it's just crazy how big that ol' belly is. What a wild ride! But even though I'm feeling just fine about my body, I don't guess I would appreciate someone making a point about the weight gain and calling around to chat about it. That's just weird to me. Good luck to you!!! I'm sure you look beautifully, alively, pregnantly wonderful!

 

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