STRESS WHAT S THE DEAL

17 Replies
mama keya - January 17

Can stress really cause pre-term labor, I have been under a lot of stress lately. I just found out my DH has been Cheating on me the whole year of 2007. He had an affair with a girl from his job. He had phone s_x with several women on his job, he exchanged pictures jagg off at work to their pics (in the bathroom, nasty), he had a long distance phone relationship with an old girlfriend. He is back smoking weed and drinking, that's just the jiff of things. But I'm 28 weeks 3 days pregnant, I have 3 other kids at home (ages 10, 6, 3) and I have been under stress before while I was pregnant but nothing like this I never went into preterm labor so what I'm asking is are my chances really high or does stress and preterm labor have other factors included. How stressed do a person have to get before it starts affecting the pregnancy

 

evae777 - January 17

oh goodness mama keya, that stinks what you are going through. are your 3 kids his children as well? and your DH what the heck is his problem! i have heard that stress can contribute to preterm labor and even miscarriages early on. not sure to what degree, but overstressing all around is usually not healthy for your body. at some point it can even affect the amount of nutrients your body can take in... but that is all reading stuff - i am no doctor or professional. gosh, i really hope that you get through all of this, pregnancy should be a joyous time & definitely not a good time to have those kind of problems with the husband, shame on him. i hope he gets it right with you...

 

jmejo2 - January 17

I feel so bad for you. If that were my husband he should be afraid to come home!!!! I have heard the only way to go into preterm labor due to stress is if you already have some sort of complication. I would think on that end you should be okay, but for baby's sake or rather to be safer than sorry, I would try to find someway to relax(at least my mind and body. I am just curious did he just come home and open up about it, or did you find out some other way. If he came home with a gulity conscious one day and just decided to tell you while you were preggo he has got to be crazy! Well he is already crazy for doing it though.THis is exactly why I was always afraid to get married!

 

mama keya - January 17

Well again I'm almost 29 weeks and I've only gained 2 lbs total I would gain some loose some gain and loose but now my weight is at 2 lbs gained for the total pregnancy so far. No he didn't confess. I got hold to his phone and contacted on of the girls (the ex-girlfriend) and she just happened to not only be one of the ones he exchanging pics, texts, and phone s_x with but she also knew about everything she kept saying while your cursing me out you need to be asking him about the other girls. And she told me a lot. Then he confessed but still not right he lied tried to cover it up. But it finally start coming out. It is so much I didn't tell you guys. A LOT.

 

mama keya - January 17

My other children 2 are his and the oldest who is 10 is not but he has been in our life since she was 11 months so she is just like his.

 

sarah21 - January 17

You should be okay and it shouldn't cause preterm labor unless it causes your blood pressure to rise dangerously high, which it could. The main thing you need to be prepared for is a very fussy baby after birth. The cortisol levels in your baby will be elevated, contributing to fussiness and just a generally stressed baby. Be patient and it will all work out. I am so sorry for you having to find out all this at once. It is so hard. I haven't personally had this happen to me, but my mom went through similar things with my dad. They were able to get counseling and work it out but it wasn't easy. Again I am so sorry and wish I could give you words that would comfort you and ease that horrible feeling deep in the pit of your stomach but I can't. I will be praying for you.

 

sarah21 - January 17

Oh and also, you know you have friends here and we're here for you no matter what. If you ever want to talk or need a shoulder, e-mail me at ilbagel at gmail dot com

 

mama keya - January 17

Thanks evae, jmejo, and Sarah I'm trying to see clear through all of this. And Sarah how did your mom do it how did she forgive and move on. I know its not easy but what's the first step. Cause every time I look at him I keep imagining how I can kill him.

 

evae777 - January 17

i have been through it, it is hard, but i wasn't married to the guy. he was just a boyfriend. my mom went through it with 2 marriages & unfortunately it didnt work out. but i think if you really love each other and he is willing to sort through his issues because these are obviously HIS issues, there should be no blame on you for his actions. so please do not think that it is your fault. we all are responsible for our own behaviors, no excuses for that. okay got off track. what i think is... if he is willing to approach this with some humility and the heart to be a better husband/father & get some counseling to better communicate to you what he needs and why he felt like he had to go that s_xual route then that is a good start. like my hubby said once, sometimes it takes a storm to clear out the impurities. but i think it will start on a better foot if you want to work it out with him with a forgiving heart. it will start with you. which i swear is really almost impossible after something like that. i wasn't too shocked to hear any of that. i was in almost the same situation 3 years ago. hang in there! what state do you live in? Do you live in America?

 

mama keya - January 17

I live in TN about 5 min from Nashville TN.

 

jmejo2 - January 17

I am in Bham-I use to go to Nashville all the time, my two best friends live up there now. I swear I really can't say what I would do, especially for the kids involved but I would have to think what's best right now for me and the baby I am carrying. I can only imagine the pain, anger, and betrayal you are feeling right now, and then due to hormones I am sure it's magnified. I really feel for you. I can't believe you have only gained 2 lbs so far, unless you had a lot of morning sickness or something. In all honesty I wouldn't fool with him...I am trying to put myself in your shoes which is real hard cause it's nothing we really want to imagine at a time like this, but I think that I would have to kick him out for the time being and then I would turn all my focus on my children and the unborn baby just to keep my mind off of it if I could.

 

evae777 - January 17

i really agree with jmejo, no need to make any decisions now, what has always helped for me is just detaching myself from situations like that and getting back to it at a later, better time where i am more equipped to deal with it more rationally instead of reacting. i mean... the darn truth is... which is hard to swallow, you just don't do that to your family. and thing with people is.. you give them a chance too quickly they more than likely take it for granted. forgiveness is great but "foolish" forgiveness only keeps us in the same place. he needs to pay the price and earn his respect back from you. my mom & aunt went through the same thing... they are old now. my aunt till this day - she is 70 years old- still has that grudge with my uncle for cheating on her after they had 3 kids when they were in their late 20's & early 30's. she never truly forgave him. he still sits in the doghouse until today. i feel bad for him because he is a good man now, but i understand why she is the way she is too. okay im rambling. i hope i am not giving horrible advice and i really hope you feel better.

 

sarah21 - January 17

Hi Mama. Well, my mom threw my dad out of the house because she, too, couldn't stand to look at him. He moved to Oregon (we lived in So. California) and he got in a bad accident and broke both his legs and tore all the ligaments in one foot. He drove back down to California to live with his Mom and she saw him and still had compa__sion for him and knew she still loved him. He claimed he was a changed man and I guess somehow went through the work to prove it and she took him back. She actually filed for divorce and they got "remarried" on the same day the divorce was finalized. So sometimes even if you don't intend to, the relationship can be fixed. They still had to go to counseling and work a lot of issues out and were working on it until the day he died. There is no way to just magically undo the lack of trust and the hurt. And maybe you guys need some time apart for you to work through your anger and for him to work through whatever he's going through to spark these crazy behaviors. I know being pregnant just makes it that much harder because you're supposed to be able to lean on your husband for support right now. Do you have any family around to help you out?

 

renaye - January 17

what a total a__s hole~~~ im sorry for you mama keys this has never happen to me before but it happend to my sister when she was about as far along as you are now it was sad to see her have to go through that .my sister being so soft and kind took him back and then had anouther baby 1 year later and he did it again. i just dont know but some men just should not be dads i hope that it all works out for you it sound's like you dont need him in you life but it is your choice at the end of the day good luck adn i know it is hard but try and saty strong for your unborn child and your 3 outhers xx

 

mama keya - March 21

Bump, in regards to father of four, same person

 

kay101 - March 21

I don't think he'll be finding a whole lot of 'support' or sympathy from any of us.

 

cher_don - March 22

hi mamma keya, i had a similar experience recently, last year just before i found out i was pregnant i found out my huubby had been playing away and i was devastated, he was back on cocaine after being off it 4 a good 6 months and i thought i couldnt cope. he confessed everything about this girl and the drugs and we worked on it from there, weve been great since then until 2 weeks ago when he started being a "bit odd" i was worried again but hes bipolar and hadnt been taking his tablets so i wrote it off as that, and got him back on them. last weekend he went to blackpool with his brother for a stagg party, he went on friday 4 the night and he rang me at 3 in the morning telling me he wanted a divorce and he only married me out of pity and being really nasty. he wasnt home by tea time on saturday and i was left completely devastated then he rang me, he was crying and saying sorry and telling me i was his whole world and that he would take the tablets and that he was just trying to hurt me because his head was messed up. he came home sunday afternoon and went to bed, when he was sleeping he got atxt on his phone so i read it and it said "hello my s_xy little blackpool friend" !! ive never been more stressed than i have this last week, im 38+5 weeks now and my baby is my main concern like you. i rang the hospital and explained everything (through great big sobbs) and the mw told me that this sort of stress would be very unlikely to harm baby in anyway. i hope this helps you im sorry i went on bout my hubby 4 so long but wanted you to know your not in this boat alone and that im always available to listen if you feel the need. i wish you all the luck in the world with this, keep your chin up girl, i will be thinking bout you. :=)luv cher xxxxxxxxxxx

 

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