STUPID COMMENT Vent

14 Replies
Jenn - May 18

So everyone here pretty much knows I am a June mommy and am scheduled for a c section on June first. Ever since I found out that I was going to have a repeat I have had nightmares, anxiety, etc. I don't know what my problem is-I just know that when I think about it-I get all anxious and scared. Well, today I had my doc appt. and I asked if it was absolutely manditory that I have the section and was told yes-the hospital changed its policies a year ago. Fine. So I called my SIL to tell her about my appt. and about having to have a section-and it sucking and she said "but you want one.." I said what!! I want one like I want a bullet in the head! She continued on with this.."if you really didn't want one you would just not go for the section and go into labor at home. Then when you get the urge to push go to the hospital and they have to let you push it out." I said that I wasn't willing to put my baby at risk like that-that there was no guarentee that everything would be OK. She said that that is how all other women who have vbacs do it. Yeah, I'm sure. So stupid-I am stressed about this already, recovery and everything and she's going to say some stupid shit like that! Sorry-needed to [email protected]# about it.

 

yungmama - May 18

Don't listen to her. You know that you don't want a section. If the doctor thinks it will put your baby and you at risk then you don't want to ignore their advice. However, If you have enough time you could always get a second opinion at another dr. office and try a different hospital. I don't know how possible this is but it is just a suggestion.

 

Tjane - May 18

This is kinda off topic but my sister is a complete idiot too!!!! My sister wants me to apologize to my brother for reporting him to the police when he s_xually a__sulted my daughter 4 years ago... I said apologize for what? She says "well atleast its a start" A START TO WHAT? SUBJECTING MYSELF AND MY CHILD TO SOMEONE THAT HAS VIOLATED US.... Uggggghhh I know it is so frustrating trying to deal with your family. My situation is a little more extreme but I can relate to the STUPID SISTER thing. All my sister cares about as she has said is "I Just want all of us to be okay again" THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN and she blaims me because I am protecting my child... Sorry to jack your thread but I can sooo relate!!!!!!

 

Tjane - May 18

I also have to have a c-section (repeat) and dont want one while my family is dumb they havent really commented on it, also I called every doctor covered on my insurance and it is a hospital thing for me too, The only hospital that allows v-bacs in my city (JAX FL) isnt covered on my insurance.......

 

Been There - May 18

That's not how all other women who have VBACs do it. I'm having a second c-section, but my doctor would have allowed VBAC without trying to argue it. However, based on my situation, medical history, etc., I agreed for the second one and the doctor was happy because she feels it's safer in my case. I know you are upset with your SIL, but, as stupid as her comments may have been, I think she just thought she was helping you out. You are stressed and she probably thought that giving you that advice would enable you to VBAC since the doctor is insisting against it. There's no way anyone in their right mind would wait to have to push, you can't possibly get to the hospital in time. Plus, if go into labor prior to your scheduled c-section (which is always possible), you can still have the c-section when you arrive. I guess the question is, if you have all this anxiety against the c-section, but feel it's safer for the baby, why are you stressing? I don't mean that you need to answer me or that you're wrong. I just mean, you may be able to get rid of the fear if you figure out why you have the fear. Did you not recover fast enough from the last one? Did something happen during the delivery that scared you? I also don't see how the hospital can set policy on how you deliver. As long as insurance pays for it, who are they to dictate your delivery? I would do some research on that. Call your insurance company, etc. I hope you can either find a way to have the VBAC or find a way to calm your fear. Best wishes.

 

angelbebe - May 18

They actually have a policy about about getting a vbac? I mean, they won't even let you try it?!! I think that it outrageous! It makes me sad the medical world in the US has had to become so overly cautious because of the malpractice lawsuits and what not. They have to do everything on the safe side because they're terrified of things going wrong. No wonder so many doctors are leaving their practices and going overseas or doing something else. Not to mention the money being made in all the drugs and interventions used in childbirth in hospitals, but that's another topic! Well, I'm not sure what advice I would offer except the comment would have p__sed me off too, so hell, vent, and then come to terms with your fear. You don't want to go into this potentially beautiful birth experience with those kinds of feelings. Take some time and sort your feelings out. Trust that your baby will be born the way he/she is meant to. Sometimes these things are out of your control. Sucks, huh?

 

starr - May 18

That sounds really crazy. I mean the comment from your sil and the hosp policy. I have never heard of that before. Thankfully I didn't have a c-section with my first two and I'm praying I won't with this one either. I always thought that if the dr. sees that's it's possible to have a vbac then they they go through with it. That is basically forcing you to have a section. I can see why you feel the way you are feeling but just think of having a healthy baby and a safe recovery.Also the comments from your fam don't help at all either. Good Luck to you.

 

HannahBaby - May 18

Do not listen to her. I worked on a maternity floor and women that are having vbacs are monitored CAREFULLY due to the chance of uterine rupture. You do not want to take the chance of bleeding to death at home because you didnt want a c section. you will be fine honey. Good luck.

 

torbman - May 19

I had a vbac Jenn, and am actually going to do that again. I had a c-section for my first. Is there any other place were they will let you try a vbac? I can tell you that that is not how other women do it, as per the comment your SIL made. I knew before I got to the hospital that I was going to try. How many years before your first child to this one? Mine was three years and I had no problems pushing her out. I hope all goes well and you get what you want. If you have another option somewhere close by, you should go for it if you can safetly. Between the two I would have another vbac (if they call it that on the second one) any day compared to my first c-section. Take care

 

Jenn - May 19

Hi ladies, thanks for the responses. I wanted to take the time to answer some questions-The hospital that I go to is the only one within 2 hours of my home-so there really wasn't a whole lot of options for me to look around. My doctor was real understanding in the beginning about me not wanting to have another c section. She never said that it was policy for a repeat-it wasn't even decided that I was to have one till my US at 22 weeks when I was dating 3 weeks ahead. She said that she reccommended a section due to his size and my pelvis and the fact that the pitocin was hard on my first she feared that if I had labored that long again that she wouldn't give me any induction meds to speed things along cause of what happened the first time. I labored for 3 days and didn't get past 3 cm. And I didn't have early labor contractions-I had three days of contractions that varied from 1 min apart to 4 min. I was exhausted. SHe doesn't want that to happen again. Nor do I to be honest. My section wasn't bad, and I have no idea why I have these feelings about it-its not so bad now that I am big and uncomfortable-I have talked to my doc and we went through the procedure (cause last time it was quick) So, I am ok with it-for the sake of the baby-but to be told that upset me. Also, coming home to a 22 month old isn't going to be a walk in the park after it either-that has added to my stress, "how am I going to do this and that" with him, ya know? I guess she made me feel as though I asked for one-which I don't have a problem with elective sections-if thats want you want-so be it. But her att_tude about really reflects her opinion-she had a natural birth and acts like a martyr and a section is easy. I would never impy to know what a woman goes through with a v____al birth-so to take a stance as to think that this is nothing p__ses me off. She has no idea. Well, thanks ladies-sorry I went on for so long. :)

 

Jamie - May 19

:-) you could always be sneaky, and ask her to come watch your 22 month old while you recover from the c-section...she might realize then that it is no cakewalk.

 

Jilloh - May 20

apparently the State of Oklahoma has a law against VBAC, once a C-Section always a C-Section......its a malpractice issue I guess. Luckily, I just had my first and he was natural!

 

ashley - May 20

i had a friend who's mom was a doctor she had half her kids c-section and half v____ally and in no order. She had LOTS of vbacks. I guess it runs the RISK but I wonder what the actual percentage is of woman rupturing the uterus. IS there any other hospitals around? I would tell your doctor that you don't want a section and refuse and just see what she says? They cant FORCE you to have a surgery. Remember you have to sign the concent.

 

Cabbie - May 20

Yes, Oklahoma has a once a section always a section situation for most patients. The major malpractice insurer in this state has pa__sed a "law" for the drs who are covered by their plans (which is a huge majority of drs here). If a dr performs a vbac, that procedure is not covered under their malpractice insurance. Therefore, drs can't do them. I think many states are trying to follow suit and many insurances have already put that squeeze on hospitals.

 

Helene - May 21

Hey, Jenn,if your stupid SIL acts like a c-section is so easy you might want to ask her why jobs like mine alow 6 weeks for a v____al birth and EIGHT weeks for a c-section? Also remind her that it is SURGERY and that under normal cirucmstances women's bodies recover faster from a v____al birth. Also, remind her that you had THREE DAYS worth of labor before your "walk in the park:" surgery the next time she starts the martyr routine. Honestly - I just don't understand women who feel the need to compete for who has it worse or better. But she is probably the type who every time you mention something your kids do will have to one up with something that her kids worked harder at or did better. Good luck! Both with bozo the SIL and with the scheduled c-section. I hear that it is much better the second time around when it is scheduled. SO don't worry!

 

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