To Those Who Have Other Children

6 Replies
LitlMomma33 - August 23

Hi...I posted this in this forum because I get the most replies...anway..I need some advice. My baby is 9 months and for about 4 months now it's hard to even be around him or look at him without remembering my past. I was molested as a child and also abused and I see that when I look at him. I feel weird changing his diaper or being around him naked...i dont like kissing on him. It makes me feel strange. Has anyone else ever gone through anything like this. I am seeing a counselor and he thinks i have post traumatic stress disorder. I was fine...or i thought i was...until i had my son and ive done down hill since then. I hate this!

 

AMBERBABY4 - August 23

hi i too have been in th same situation.i had it happen twice in my life when i was a child once when i was 5yrs and again when i wasn 11yrs my eldest is 8yrs and i cant shower her any more but if she really needs my help i will help her but will only stand there and guide her through it. i never thought of it being a problem cause i was fine up until both my girls started school cause some parents i talk to say they still bath there kidsat that age .i never thought it was my issue that i dont want to bath them .but after reading your post it sounds quite similar and i started thinking could this be my situation also.and as i started writing this i started crying as it must of triggered something i did see a counselor at 12 cause of bad dreams and behaviour problems once i hit my teens i stopped and just blocked it out .but i guess these things come back to haunt you when you last expect it and not aware that is affecting you. im not good at talking to people about my past or my life never have been.its not some thing you enjoy talking about or people loke to hear. but now i think i have a problem.and im not able to talk about it

 

LitlMomma33 - August 23

Well when he was first born i sort of felt weird seeing him naked...i know that sounds crazy considering he's just a little baby...but i kept trying to figure out why that was weird to me and i would just push it out of my head....but then a while back its like it got worse and worse with different things like bathing him and then all these memories came back to me and now it seriously dominates my day. I now know that its going to happen sometime throughout the day so i automatically exspect it now which makes it worse. Everytime I look at him now i start thinking about it. I hate it!! Its crazy how we dont know how bad things really affect us that we go through. I thought I was completely fine and have always been happy regardless of what happened....until now. This is all coming out and i feel totally crazy and weird. Im depressed because of it and i cry all the time. It may even help you to get some counseling. I didnt want to go get counseling at all because i didnt want to bring it up and talk about it. My husband basically told me i had to. lol. im glad i did though. Its crazy how subconsciously this has been bothering me....and im just now realizing it.

 

AMBERBABY4 - August 24

i find it disturbing how people can do this to children .and not think of the consequences it can cause to them later down the track its unfair. its like they think its going to harm them and that we wont remember but how can any person or adult forget about something like that no matter what the age you are its sickening. you can talk about it but it does not change the fact it still happened. it is good 2 let others know what your going through.if it effects some bad enough they should let it out .keeping it boddled up could do more harm then good you just have to focus on your kids and keep them safe and prevent the same thing from happening to them . as i refuse to let any one look after my kids

 

LitlMomma33 - August 24

I agree with you! It is sick. I can't comprehend it. It makes me feel like a sick person just because I end up thinking all this s_xual son just being around my son...I hate it that he reminds me of all this. I wish so bad we could offord to put him in daycare but im scared. I'm about to go crazy being home all day every day. Especially with all this stuff going on. Some days all i do is cry and just go in another room and scream it hurts so bad. I just want to get out of the house and work or something. We can't offord daycare though. I have one lady that I let keep my son and shes wonderful and shes like a mother to me so i trust her. I dont trust other people. There is a new day care up the street that has cameras in every room and you can go online and watch your children anytime you want to during the day. I like that. Anyway....i feel so sorry for little children that have to worry about nasty perverts. I'm just trying to put my faith in God and pray he'll get me through this

 

AMBERBABY4 - August 25

people who have gone through our situation .i can only speak too even then i find it hard.but no one can understand what your going through other wise. i will tell you something i cant even speak to my sister cause it was her father that did it to me .i know its asking alot but i wont speak to her cause she keeps in contact but i cant change the way i feel

 

LitlMomma33 - August 25

I know what you mean....it was my dads cousin who did it to me...I was so young and he was 30. Sometimes I wonder if there were other times I don't remember. It's scary. It upsets me when my family still talks to him. He went into the army and recently lost his foot and has a bad infection and everyone talks about him a lot and how sad they are for him and I don't really care. He should have lost more than that in my opinion. It makes me feel like nobody remembers what he put me through.....so i know what you mean.

 

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