Too Emotional

11 Replies
Nat22 - September 24

I know this is a silly question, but my husband and I got into an argument this past weekend and it is really bothering me, I couldn't sleep last night. Does anyone else feel threatened by their mother-in-law? My husband made the suggestion that his mother move in with us (we live in a tiny apartment by the way) after our baby is born so I can go back to work sooner and his mom can take care of the baby! I find this to be an incredible insult and cannot believe he wants his mommy to take care of him again! When I said NO WAY! to the idea he got extremely mad at me and defensive of how great his mother is. I have not stopped crying since. Am I just being too emotional by thinking that my mother-in-law is going to try to take over and mother MY child? I feel so terrified and hurt right now. I am 37 weeks and have been battling with pre-term labor and am supposed to go off the medication that is stopping my contractions this week...so I am most likely going to have my sweet little girl in the next week and my husband has got me so upset! I was so happy a few days ago and now I am just crying my eyes out!

 

Tory1980 - September 24

NO I think you are right in saying no. I have a MIL like that too - wants to take over the raising of MY children. Now maybe the suggestion was made in the best of intentions but believe me when I say you need time on you own with the new baby. If she wants to help and you are comfortable with it get her to do laundry, make a dinner etc. I wouldn't have her move in with you if you aren't comfortable with her being there as it is going to take some adjustment anyway with a newborn without having someone watch your every move. Talk to your husband and just tell him you want her to be 'granny' not 'mum' and that WHEN it is right for you to go back to work you will make the decision as to who you will entrust care of the baby to. Is this suggestion from him or do you think the MIL has put it to him and he is the messenger?

 

Tink - September 24

i am so sorry. you have absolutely every right to be angry. i would try and sit down and be very straight forward and open about your feelings with him. those first few months are important bonding time for you as a family......and i mean just the 3 of you, not MIL. I have a friend going through the same thing- a crazy MIL that told her that she wanted to be right there at delivery and be the first to hold the baby???? uh hello, the baby's mother should be first to hold the baby, not the MIL. my friend's MIL has all these crazy ideas in her head about coming to take the baby every single weekend, all weekend long. my friend put her foot down and made her hubby realize how important their family time is. MIL can have her time too- but it should be when you and DH decide it is her time. she is not the boss in this situation- you are. put your foot down, make sure DH understands your feelings here. you might even be able to find some good online articles about how important the bonding time is and show it to DH to get him onboard with you. i am blessed to have a great MIL, of course she live 2 hours away, but i am still blessed. i really hope it gets better for you. good luck

 

Mrs.Steve - September 24

I think you're absolutely right to be upset. I sure would be. You have every right to put your foot down. And I also don't think he should be upsetting you like this, especially now. Stand your ground. You're certainly NOT wrong to do so.

 

Krissy25 - September 24

Your dh is just now bringing this up? YOur MIL probably suggested it to him. If you don't want her to move in stand your ground b/c if she does you will only be resentful and unhappy and bringing home your baby should be a happy time. It's both of yours home so the decision should be made together.

 

musicbaby - September 24

Poor thing! You are right to stand your ground on this one. I am also really worried about family taking over as we have some very strong personalities around here and they ALL think that they know best. I have decided that I am about to be the mother, so its my time to stand up and take charge of my own family... you will regret it if you dont. I'm sure that your husband was trying to be nice, guys just dont think sometimes. As the other ladies suggested have a talk with him that its not about your MIL its about you and your new family. If he doesnt get it then put your foot down and TELL him how its going to be. :-) GL hope that everything goes smoothly the next few weeks.

 

January - September 24

I agree with everyone here. Also, have you thought about the idea that maybe DH is starting to get a lil scared about the thought of a new baby in the house and thinking maybe he won't know what to do so he wants mommy there? Of course this doesn't make it right, it would just explain the timing. Good luck to you and stand your ground.

 

beagle1223 - September 24

You have every right to be upset! Having a new baby in the house is going to be a huge adjustment as it is and you certainly don't need another person moving in at the same time. I would just tell your MIL and your husband that you would greatly appreciate some alone time with him and your little one so you can develop your own routine and get used to having a baby in the house (I'm a__suming this is your first) without having anyone else there to worry about. My dad is coming to visit us for the entire month of October (I'm due Oct. 22nd with my first) because he wants to be here just in case I go early and that is causing me enough stress - I can't imagine him moving in! You're the mom now and you don't need anymore stress - stand your ground and hopefully everything will work itself out. Good luck!

 

Nat22 - September 24

Thank you ladies for your support and advice. I'm glad that I am not alone in thinking that I have a right to be upset. I know that my husband is nervous about the baby coming soon (he has very little experience with infants), but he definitely made me feel like I am somehow not capable of caring for our little one, so he wants his mother around. His suggestion just felt like such a threat to me that I can't help but feel hurt.

 

docbytch - September 24

I can tell you right now that if my DH tried to pull a load of c___p like that on me....the answer would be a flat-out NO WAY. At some point men need to break away from their mommies. If he continued to fight me about it I am afraid WWIII would ensue. It's YOUR child. YOU'RE his mother. YOU have the right to raise your child FREE and CLEAR of her influence. Ugh! Seems a lot of ladies on here have men who want mommy to jump in and rescue them!! I am very sorry you guys have to put up with such nonsense. You got my support for sure!

 

josie4 - September 24

It would infuriate me if my husband suggested that. I would also feel very threatened. This is your child and your child should be raised by you and your husband in the early months. Sit down and calmly talk to your husband about it.

 

Terio - September 25

Nat, you're not overreacting at all. I would feel equally as insulted if were you. I have a lonng ol' history with my MIL, so I put myself in your position and I'm infuriated now (HA!). Had you posted that he had suggested she come and stay a short time to help out, I still would have thought that was a bit much (a__suming you didn't want that) -- but coming to LIVE with you? Good lord girl, that's entirely not her place to do this. And I agree that this is probably rooted in the idea that he feels uncertain about either yours or his ability to care for a newborn - which really probably feels like a slap in the face to you. Tory1980 is right... you really do need time to adjust to your new baby, without someone watching your every move. When my daughter came home, it took a couple of weeks on my own to learn how to care for her, and how to console her, and how to keep her content and happy - and really, to just get to KNOW her. Having my MIL giving me motherly advice and showing me how to care for my own child would have sent me over the edge. I likely would have packed my husbands bags and sent him home with her. Do what you feel is best, Nat22. You're going to be a great mother and if you don't want her coming to live with you, put your foot down, firmly. Let us know how things play out. Good luck. :-)

 

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