Why Are People So Rude

14 Replies
demo - October 28

I have a friend that I've known for over 10 years, since high school we have been inseperable. The other day we were talking and she brings up ever so innocently that she believes that only mothers who are in a position to stay at home with their child should have children because its not fair or healthy in daycares and blah blah...I know everyone has their own opinions about this but who in the h__l does she think she is bringing it up to me who is 8 months preggo and will be returning to work. Was she just trying to make me feel bad? She is ent_tled to her opinion but we weren't talking about that issue so she brought it up intentionally and it really p___sed me off!

 

YC - October 28

I am a first timer and if I have learned anything through this pregnancy it is that people have an opinion about EVERYTHING and feel it is their place to share it whether you ask or not. I have had everyone from strangers to close friends and relatives say some really rude things. I guess they mean well but sometimes I wish they would keep their opinions to themselves. Especially about something so personal as your child. I guess we just have to deal with it and make sure we aren't like that.

 

Jackie - October 28

I agree completely with YC! As a first timer also I get truely shocked with some of the stuff that comes out of peoples months. I always want to say something equally rude back but figured the best is to grin and bear it...unless it gets out of line of course. I have had some of my close friends tell me the rudest thing and I have just ignored it and actually been complimented by others of being the "bigger" person.

 

to demo - October 28

No matter what you do, stay home or go to work, b___stfeed or formula, someone will very rudely tell you their 101 reasons to do the opposite. I learned that with my first daughter and I'm still hearing it now. Just remember that you have to do what is best for YOU and YOUR baby, the only person who truely knows what that is, is you. Keep your head high and let it roll off your back, I figure everyone means well, but their brains and tact are just... well, we'll say someplace else!!!!!!!!! Good luck & congrats on your pregnancy!

 

Ca__sie - October 29

Who knows why she brought this up... maybe she's jealous or something? Anyway, as the other ladies have already said, you're bound to hear lots of rude comments by people. Everyone wants to give their opinion and advice. I guess they feel important doing that. And Jackie is right... be the "bigger" person and do not let it bother you. Just remember that your self worth is not caught up in their a__sessment of you.

 

lisa - October 29

i would say that sounds like a cla__sic jelousy thing, nurseries are great these days, she is just jelous because youll have a baby and a career! dont react to her, just let it go over your head.

 

Lacy - October 29

I cannot afford to stay home with my baby, and she will go to daycare. But an experiement done by the russians has SHOW that children with more stimulation (sense stimulation-touch, smell, see, taste, hear...) have many more dendrites extensions from nerve cells, and did much better in school and life in general. The russians took babies away from their parents, some they put in isolation (not that daycare is isolation, but probably less stimulatory), and some they had constantly surrounded by these stiumulations. The children who were in isolation were fit only to "carry a gun", while the stimulatory babies were very intelligent and did extremely well in school and such. I just learned this yesterday in my biology :)

 

Nikki - October 29

I have a two and a half year old little boy and am currently expecting my second son in January. Your friend's comments were way out of line because simply put, some people will never be able to afford to stay home with their kids. On the flip side of that I too went back to work after having my first son and was extremely depressed for the entire 20 months that I worked away from him. If there is a possibility of your staying at home with your baby I say go for it, if you feel you will be more depressed thinking about finances then don't. What ever works best for you as the baby's mom will absolutely work best for the baby. Some mom's can't stand being away from all the firsts, and some can't imagine being cooped up day after day with just a baby for company! Go with your gut and don't mind anyone else's opinions, after all, that's exactly what they are. Someone else's opinion.

 

Hanna - October 30

I am sure there are advantages to being a stay-at-home mom as there are advantages to working moms. I am going to be a working mom and I don't feel guilty about that. I am with Nikki that whatever is the best for you will be the best for your baby. My reasons for working are, first of all, that I believe it is good for our baby to see that his mom earns money too and that fathers can also stay at home to care for their children (both my partner and I will stay home one day a week). But both me and my partner also have to work because our finances don't allow one of us to stay home full-time. I wish all of you good luck with your decisions and I think we all have valid reasons to do what we do. Good luck!

 

Jen - October 30

Speaking of rude comments...I actually had a co-worker pushing her pro-abortion opinions on me the other day, and I am 36 weeks prego! She wasn't trying to suggest that I do this (obviously, since we had been discussing how my hubby and I had planned for this baby), but what kind of reaction was she looking for? She said that anyone who is pro-life needed to raise a few unwanted kids and then come back and talk to her. Ouch! Ever heard of birth control? There are some totally insane and insensitive people in the world!!!!!!!

 

Christy - October 30

I'm not sure if I think she is jealous, but just very opinionated about the matter. I am surprised that she would have brought that up to you when you are so close to having the baby, though. Some people lack tact and timing on such things. Anyway, I have realized that everyone is different about the returning to work vs. staying at home thing (just like natural birth vs. epidural, b___st-feeding vs. bottle-feeding, etc.) Unfortunately, some people are so pa__sionate about one side, that they will go out of their way to try to make you see it their way and do as they say. I used to feel strongly about staying at home, but understand that it is 1.) not financially feasible for everyone, and/or 2.) just not for everyone. My former boss is affluent and could have continued to stay home with her two kids, but did not enjoy being a stay-at-home mom. She feels she is a lot nicer to her kids and a happier person when she is working full-time and has them in daycare. There is nothing wrong with that, as long as you make sure that the time you do spend with your kids is of good quality. There are definitely pro's and con's to both sides and the "right thing to do" is really specific to the individual. I wouldn't let your friend's comment get to you, but if it comes up again, you may let her know that her opinion has been noted and that you are still planning on returning to work- end of discussion.

 

Christy - October 30

P.S. Sadly, I don't think the rude people will ever go away. I am sure that it will just get worse once we all have our babies. Then we will get all kinds of opinions on how to raise our children. Oh, joy, right? :) Well, I don't think there is anything wrong with pointing out a rude person's behavior to them. If they don't like it, then they should keep quiet.

 

Hanna - October 30

I am definitely not looking forward to all kinds of rude comments about the way we're raising our baby.. It is bad enough now. Have you also noticed that suddenly some people have to point out all the things that can go wrong during childbirth or with your baby? I was getting new tires for my car and the man who sold them told me a horrible story about a woman giving birth way too early and that I should remember that things don't always work out right for mother and baby... I was just getting new tires for my car!! My sister-in-law, who's also pregnant thinks I am insane and endagering my baby's health because I want to do a home delivery (I live next to the hospital so even if there would be an emergency I could still go there). In the Netherlands a home delivery is very normal by the way, most children are born at home here. Everyone in my family was born at home! We're all fine! Sorry just had to vent.. but now comes the worst: my mother-in-law apparently thinks we're too strict for our dog because we ignore some of her bad behaviour (whining) and reward her for good behaviour (I had been on a special puppy course led by very professional people to make sure that I would raise my dog right) and she made the 'wonderful' comment that if we raised the baby as we did the dog she thought it was a little cruel. Can you believe this? I have a great social, well-behaved dog at home... because we took the time and effort to teach it a couple of basic 'how to live with people'-rules. I felt angry with her for weeks. Especially since her daughter's dog (which is raised in the right manner according to her, I suppose) is out of control. Ok, vented a little more than I planned.. sorry.. but definitely understand about being p__sed off.

 

me - October 30

I give people the benefit of the doubt. They're stupid, not rude. Even grown-ups open their mouths without thinking.

 

Erin--to Hannah - October 31

Hannah, if there is one thing that I have learned since being married, it is that mother-in-laws ALWAYS think that their children are perfect and can never do wrong even if it is blatantly obvious that they are doing something VERY badly. I cannot count the number of times that my SIL has done something completely questionable (especially as far as child rearing is concerned-she has 3 kids) and my mother-in-law will talk up a storm to make it sound like what she did was COMPLETELY correct, it is so ridiculous! Whereas her son and I are just about to have our first baby and all she can talk about is how little I know about kids and how much we can learn from my SIL. PLEASE do not listen to her, you could be absolutely perfect (and your dog too) and your SIL wil ALWAYS win. To everyone, I have learned a lot through reading and in cla__ses about how important it is for the baby to be near its mother and be held, fed, and have the security of being raised by the actual parents in the first year and I think we ALL know that the optimal situation would be for one of the parents to stay at home with the baby, Why would we CHOOSE to have strangers raise our baby all day? But the point is that it isn't always possible, especially because of financial reasons, so we all have to just do the best we can. Noone is a bad parent for needing to work in order to provide for their baby so don't let others' rude opinions get to you. Sorry for the long post! Take care everyone.

 

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