You Know You Re Reached A New Level Of Pathetic When

24 Replies
docbytch - October 6

Only you guys might understand. I live in the Pac NW where there are lots of Walmarts and Fred Meyers. These stores are VERY large inside. Today and yesterday I had to go to the store to get last minute stuff for my baby boy who will be born this Tues. This pregnancy has gotten soooo freakin excruciatingly uncomfortable that I can barely walk...at all. I am technically on bedrest which means I shouldn't been doing much of anything at all... Yeah well...rotsaruck on that one! Anyway... because I can barely walk and because I am on bedrest due to high blood pressure and because my little boy is NOT little for gest age...I stooped to the level of actually using one of those scooter shopping carts!! LOL. You know the kind you always see grannies in? Okay so I am hugely pregnant but I swear people were looking at me like I had 3 freaking heads!!! I was totally ashamed and humiliated to be seen running around in one of those things...but honestly? I would not have made it through the miserable shopping experience without doing that. It's gotten THAT bad. Ugh. Any other funny or similar stories?

 

ahay - October 6

docbytch--where you from in the PAC NW? I live in Washington STate

 

docbytch - October 6

Me too ahay. I am about 35 miles southeast of seattle...maple valley. How about you?

 

docbytch - October 6

Oh and my idea for people who want to use those carts but don't appear obviously disabled or who look like they are under the age of 65? Give em' a paper bag with little eyes cut out of it to wear over their heads while enjoying the most humiliating of shopping experiences.

 

Mrs.Steve - October 6

Just....wow. I hear ya, though. I guess if it ever gets to that point for me, I'll have to do the same on my next trip to Target. I give you props, though, for putting aside the extremely humiliating aspects of the "scooter" for your own comfort. I may have just chosen to be uncomfortable for the sake of not being embarra__sed. But alas, you've inspired me.

 

docbytch - October 6

Well I did it because I'm on bedrest and because I am in extreme pain. People who gave me weird looks? I gave em weird looks right back. Screw em. I WAS embarra__sed....but no one should ever look at a hugely pregnant woman in a cart as if she has no right to be in one. I've earned it

 

Mrs.Steve - October 6

Hell yes, you have!

 

HeavenisMine - October 7

Pfft, I would have used one too if I were in your shoes, don't feel bad about their stares and what not. They don't have any idea, and if they do, they should understand. I wish I could share a funny story, but I don't have one :( Oh yes and you have inspired me too, I never really thought about those scooters, perhaps I'll give one a whirl the next time I go to walmart.

 

Pipa - October 7

I'm so glad you did that because, honestly, I look in longing at those little things whenever I go somewhere like that! At least you needed it more than I do and I feel some kind of vicarious satisfaction that at least one of us had the nerve to get one! What happened to handicap tags for people who are pregnant and have trouble getting around. I'm not really to that point but one day I was having bh contractions so bad that I could barely get back to my car!

 

docbytch - October 7

oops...I meant Pipa. Although I appreciate everyones sympathetic posts on this!!

 

WP - October 7

Docbytch, I love that you posted this and I love your honesty. For the past few weeks I have looked at those scooters in a totally different light - hell, I've even changed my tune about the segway!! Where is dignity when you have to hike your pants up every 2 minutes while walking in a store? Where is dignity when your belly peeks out ever-so-slightly from underneath your shirt and above your pants? Where is dignity when you're stopped dead in your tracks from a pain in your crotch that would throw a grown man onto the floor screaming like a little girl? My dignity checked out a few days ago when I p__sed myself lifting my 2-year-old into his car seat! LOL Tues. is the day? I'm really happy for you. You can finally put an end to this phase and get your body back!

 

synesthesia1821 - October 7

you take the words out of my mouth docbytch. i am a very clean person, but everything is such a chore now i almost dread taking even a shower now because its hard to reach the lower half of my body to wash myself! and if i take a bath i get even more disgusted withmyself and feel like i take up the whole d__n tub and im gonna get wedged in there if i sit down! lol. i only wiehg 133lbs! not to mention the farting. oh god, that's GREAT. farting in public when you dont mean to. waddling. i can still force my body into ONE PAIR of jeans that i had pre pregnancy but only because theyre stretch and were a bit big to begin with. im wearing them right now in fact, but you know what happens as soon as i get home? theyre unb___toned! i feel like d__n Al Bundy from married with children for gods sake... and I HATE skirts, but thats all ive been able to fit into lately. stretch waste band long skirts. and sleep pants. i know how you feel about teh swelling too. i look down at my fingers right now as im typing and remember i used to have such lovely long fingers, now theyre all swollen up and short and stubby looking. also i looked at my calfs the other day and i swear to god if i didnt want to SCREAM! they look swollen as hell! They feel like someone inserted water into each of my calfs... theyre all mushy. not muscular like they used to be. im afriad im not far from cankles. 0_0 THAT IS SCARY! GOOOOD this is the longest pregnancy ever it seems. seems like these last couple weeks are never gonna go by. i dont really feel like i have anymore room for LO to grow. honestly. I feel like my stomach is so big and stretched to capact_ty already that hell just bust out of my stomach like a little alien any day. ew. bad visual. but there's seriously NO MORE ROOM for him to grow...they say im measuring on target for my due date, but do you think its possible they could be wrong? He feels so much bigger then he should!

 

Mrs.Steve - October 7

Boy, do I know what you guys are talking about. I've taken extra caution in "keeping things clean" down there. I have a detatchable shower head and use that. I haven't shaved my legs in two weeks, nevermind my nether regions. I haven't shaven there since about 4 months along. I used to pumice my heels, but now I don't and they're as rough as my husband's. I should bump the pedicures up to once a week. Plus the worst part...I have pee drip out all day long. I haven't gotten any pads because I'm uncomforatble enough as it is. If I wore the same underwear all day, I'd have p__s crotch...you know, a crotch that smells like pee even with pants on, LOL. In order to feel completely clean after I shower, I turn on my fan and separate my cheeks to get the area completely dry. If you think it sounds bad, you should see how ridiculous I look standing in the middle of my living room with my a__s cheeks spread in front of my fan.

 

docbytch - October 7

OMG the b___tcheek spreadaroonie got me busting up. I think I probably have p__s crotch half the time. I used to shave my hoohoo too...but I haven't seen my hoohoo now in months. Ashley if you can wear jeans you're doing pretty well. My fat a__s wouldn't even try it. Oh and did I mention that I feel like pregnancy has given me a case of BO??? I feel gross less than one day after I bathe....eeeuuuuw. How can DH stand me? The nerve of him to think I am even remotely cute! If I had to be married to my a__s I'd run screamin out the door

 

Mrs.Steve - October 7

Yeah, p__s crotch is the worst. I'm always afraid dh will catch on. I could get some serenity pads, I suppose. But I just don't wanna, LOL. I also have the worlds s_xiest undies. Hanes. Low rise boy cut. They come in lovely grandma-friendly prints. As if buying them in low rise boy cut would make my fat a__s look s_xy or something. I'm surprised my dh even wants to have s_x with me. I guess he finds my granny panties and playtex nursing bra s_xy. LOL. I also feel like I have BO. Even though I shower, it seems like I just can't shower enough. And don't even get me started on going to the dr. Sitting bare-a__sed on that paper makes my cooch sweat. That is why while I'm sitting there waiting for the ob to come in, I swipe a couple of her obstetric wipes, wipe down, then use her paper towels to blot dry. It reallly doesn't help though. The room is too small, LOL.

 

Mrs.Steve - October 8

Shaving down there??? Yeah, don't think so. Can't see it, haven't seen it for quite some time. Not only that, but I'm dark skinned. My cooch looks like a painted black upside-down triganle. It's not even fully visible. My belly acts as a cooch awning. I don't know if you've ever seen that Sunshade retractable awning commercial, but that's what mine reminds me of. When the awning is fully out, giving the shaded area 20 degrees temperature difference. All I need is the two old people to sit under it and have tea.

 

Mrs.Steve - October 8

Yeah, the hoohoo whiff is brutal. I guess this is a glimpse into being a senior citizen...incontenance. You're lucky, docbytch. It's almost over for you. I'm kind of bummed because you won't be here as much anymore.

 

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