Afraid To Punish Don T Know How

14 Replies
b - October 25

My 17 month old is pinching and doing a lot of naughty things. We raise our voices, try putting him in bed, he won't stay in corners cause he doesn't understand but he knows when he's being bad. He laughs. I pinched him back slightly to show him that it's not good but he still laughed since it wasn't hard of course. What to do?

 

carmendanielle - October 25

Hi B, Yeah, we are in the same situation. Our dd is 19 months and she has just started to test us. Yesterday she scratched me when I tried to brush her teeth. She's never been like this! So we are trying to do a "time out" with her. She seems to understand that when we isolate her from her toys and us for 1 minute that she is doing something wrong. But I'd be open to some suggestions!

 

in the woods - October 26

When he punches, make a sad face or pretend to cry, saying "ouch, b___ba!" - reading books about feelings would help him recognize the feelings. "One-two-three" may work, though I used it with older toddlers - making sure that on the count of three, something serious happens - leaving him alone in a room for a short time, taking a toy away. For the most part, it's a period where we need a LOT of patience. My 2 3/4 yo is very careless in throwing things, hitting his dad, hitting his sister. 1-2-3 and the naughty chair work with us, but I can't pile one punishment on top of the other, so I let smaller things go, because this period will pa__s.

 

tryingx3 - October 26

I am not there yet, but my daughter is starting to head b___t and hit our faces hard. Not out of frustration or being malicious - just rough. I try to show her the opposite while saying soft or easy as well as no, no, etc...

 

inuk-mama - October 26

omg! I am so happy I saw this post! DS, who is 13 months has started acting out a lot! The other night he kept hitting me in the face and grabbing my face so hard. Each time I would say "ouch! No, that hurts" and he would laugh and laugh. I seriously was reminded of the boy from the Omen who was trying to kill his mother! Like after a while he'd come and lay down with me then reach around and do it again! It was horrible! And even DH was getting worried because he wouldn't leave me alone! Yesterday was like I had my little boy back though, he didn't hit or pinch or anything! So I think it may be a phase? When he pulls hair though, we pull his back and say ouch. He is getting the idea now that hair pulling is no fun.

 

tryingx3 - October 26

My dd is 13 months old as well. I think they are looking for the attention/reaction, etc...and don't know that they are hurting. My dd goes to daycare too - who knows she may be picking some of this up there!

 

fefer1 - October 26

My dd is 13 months and doing the hitting/kicking thing. When I say ouch she just laughs. I don't think she's old enough to understand yet. She doesn't go to daycare either so...maybe it's just something they go through? We tell her that it's not nice and that it hurts - and hope that one day soon she'll figure out what that means.

 

Jmom - October 27

I am also at a loss with my 19 month old. he isn't too bad, but there are time he needs to be punished- nothing helps. I have tried the yelling "No", squeezing is wrists, smacking his hand- he laughs through it all- or hits back. I think I might try time out- in his high chair- facing the wall. A minute for every year is the ratio..we'll see :(

 

jennifer_33106 - October 28

I am pregnant with my first but this is out of curiousity. If someone falls down in a movie or gets racked I.E. Americas funniest Home Videos, do you think that may influence? If they see adults laughing cuz someone gets hurt or falls ect do you think that maybe they think pain is funny? I am just curious and was wondering. It does scare me to read these threads though. haha

 

kristie h - October 28

What ever punishment works for you make sure its predictable everytime as that is the key for any punishment to work. If you lo pinches you coud get a play pen or porter cot and use that as a naughty corner. I know myself people wont like this but my ds use to pinch and i would smack his hand just enough so he could feel it, thats what worked for me.

 

b - October 29

inuk-mama, your comment about the Omen made me laugh so much!!! I was thinking the same thing the other day. I am trying the "ouch, that hurts, see?" and showing him gently that it can. At the same time his tantrums are getting worse when he's tired. Grrrr

 

jessb - October 29

This is the second comment tonight Im and relieved to read. I am having issues with this too. My dd will throw things, hit, run away and scream hysterically. I figure she is just testing us. I just try to completely ignore her when she is throwing a fit. I dont think she would understand time out or a naughty chair......Im at a loss of what else to do.

 

cubbie - October 31

Hi, I went through this with my dd (who's now 2.9) who at about 1 1/2 started to slap me (usually when she didn't get something she wanted but sometimes for no reason in the middle of play) - the thing to remember is that even though they do understand a lot they're not so much being deliberately naughty or trying to get attention but their showing frustration at being unable to communicate their wants and testing their boundaries so at this age punishment doesn't really work as they don't a__sociate it with the action. At that age everytime she slapped me I gently took her hand and said in calm voice "no, we don't hit, now do nice" and would stroke wherever she hit me with her hand, then acted like she hadn't hit me and carried on with whatever we were doing. It took about 2 weeks of this staying calm and consistant and she stopped

 

b - November 2

The tantrums have suddenly stopped. And the drooling just started up again. I think it's teething! My sweet boy is back :)

 

another Karen - November 6

I had the same worry with dd. Most behaviours I've found if I ignore them then they have gone away. If I don't make it entertaining for her then there's no reason to continue. If she has a tantram I put her in her room and let her out when she's quiet, all without me getting angry too. I don't mind her being angry when she feels it but we have a shift worker right next door to consider.

 

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