Am I A Bad Mother Pg1247726067

13 Replies
Mely12 - July 16

Hi I'm very depressed over this issue and in need of someone's unbiased opinion... Here's the issue. I'm a young mom, i'm 24 got married at 22. My mother is extremely critical of me and very harsh. My son is 15 months old, he has been sick since sunday we went to the pool and he got an ear infection and a cold. He had a fever several days and was finally better today. I was stressed out and worried the whole week, i stayed home from work to care for him since he goes to daycare. Finally today he was feeling a lot better, he had a tiny bit of fever in the early morning still, but by the afternoon he was happy, running around and eating well. My friend invited me to the movies to distract myself since he was doing a lot better. I left the baby sleeping and well with my husband. I was only going to see the movie and come staright back, only 2 hours. My mother called me a couple of times during the movie and finally sent me a text saying basically that i was the worst mother in the world, immature and irresponsible because how could I leave the baby, and that she was furious with me and not bother calling her. Then as I checked my email I saw that she wore an even nastier letter saying how immature I am and that she only wants emails from me saying how the baby is doing and again not to call her because she does not want to hear from me. I am extremely depressed even though my husband assures me I'm a great mom I still feel pretty hurt and sad. I never even go out! I rather be at home with my baby! This has been my only my second night out with a girlfriend since I had the baby!!! I hardly ever ask my mom to stay with him. Only on special ocasions, and like I stated before my husband has only stayed with the baby once before for me to go out without him. I just feel extremely sad... Please tell me what you think... Am i a horrible mother?? He was doing so much better.. and he still is.. please tell me what you think....

 

MNMOM - July 16

let me be sure I understand - you left the baby in the care of your husband, right? I am a__suming he is responsible and capable and doesn't neglect your child, etc, right? Then you did nothing wrong! There is no law saying that it is only the mother and always must be the mother that does the child care. Sometimes in order to be the best mother we can be we need a time out to take care of ourselves so we relenish our energy and can go back to taking care of others.Your mother is out of line for being so harsh on you and I think she sounds manipulative. Do not let her get away with making you feel bad. Now, if you left your child sleeping alone and left him for 2 hours, then that is another story, but If I understand you then you left him in the care of your spouse and you are perfectly fine to do so.

 

Krissy25 - July 19

No offence but it sounds like your mom has some issues. You did nothing wrong. Your mom seems to be a manipulative type, so my suggestion is to distance yourself from her when she starts acting that way. I don't know what you ended up doing but next time she says don't bother calling you should do exactly that and when she is ready to talk keep it simple. Let her know that you would never let your child be in any danger and your dh is perfectly caplable of taking care of him, end of story (or whatever it is she is hara__sing you about).

 

bellybubble - July 20

NO YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER BASED ON THIS. Maybe you should do what the other poster said and don't call her - it doesn't sound like she deserves it by the way she is carrying on! Not a very supportive mother herself by the sounds of things so who is she to judge! Keep doing what you are doing - you and your husband know what you are doing and sound like you love and care for your boy.

 

angelinakai - July 29

You are a grown woman. Even if your mom sees you as a young mom.... you're still an adult. She has no right to tell you how to raise your child. I agree with the other posters... I would definitely distance myself from her. I am 28 y/o and I just now realized that my mom is manipulative and controlling. Sometimes we don't want to see our own mother's faults, but I agree that your mom has issues. As hard as it is, I think you need to stop talking to her for a while and when you do talk to her, keep it brief. Trust me, you don't want to find yourself 4 years and another baby from now with your mom still trying to control you. You teach people how to treat you and she seems to think that it is okay to treat you like that. Distancing myself from my mom was one of the hardest things I've ever done. We were very close and I enjoyed her company in a lot of ways. But it's just something you have to do when you have a mother that tries to run your life. You are NOT a bad mother. Sometimes you need a break, esp when your child hasn't been feeling well for a week!

 

angeev - September 17

You can't be a good and happy mom if you do not take time for your self to refresh and just be you. Most would grow resentful of thier children. If this makes you a bad mom than we are all bad moms. What kind of "motherly" example is your mom setting by being so cold to her own child. You're fine, no worries.

 

Floricica - September 23

My mother says the same c___p. Shes just jealous that she was a c___ppy mother n im not.

 

Tara B - September 26

No way is that considered being a bad mother. Sounds like you've been very responsible with your baby and you must love him very much. Maybe you mom has some unresolved issues with you and any other children she may have had when she was younger. Maybe she she feels regretful with some of the things that she did raising you and is trying to relive them through you and your family. I think you need to stand up for yourself and I know its hard because its your mom. Tell her that your not an idiot and you think about what you're doing before you do them. Dad was home and perfectly capable of taking care of his son, they're bonding. He's not an idiot either and you are offended that she talks to you like your a child. Maybe not in those words but definitly put your foot down. Im sorry you have to go through that. Good Luck!

 

mshanson - October 9

I would say your mother has some issues, and honestly, SHE is a bad mother (or having a bad mother moment) to be so harsh and condescending to you. You did NOTHING wrong. Being a mother is a hard job, and honestly, we are BETTER mothers when we do take a break for ourselves now and then. So sorry you had to listen to that. Hopefully she'll come around.

 

b__terflywings - October 28

You need time for yourself in order to be a good mother!! The best mothers are happy and always remember to take care of themselves. That includes socializing! Your husband should be ably to take care of the baby just as well as you can (well almost) and leaving your child with your husband is in NO WAY irresponsible. Sometimes it's best for adults to ignore their parents. I have to sometimes. You should not be made to feel guilty about something so incredibly minor. My son is 23 months and my husband and I both go out occasionally with our friends. We have even left him for a couple of hours with a 16 year old babysitter so that we can go out together (only twice in his whole life, but still it was nice). So don't feel bad, your mother is wrong here.

 

Quigs227 - November 21

I felt horrible when I first left my child with her father. I went to the STORE. :) This was at about 6 weeks old. Then it came the time to take her to DAYCARE. I felt so horrible that I couldn't be with her 24/7. Then came the tiem when I got back into sports. I felt horrible leeaving her with her grand parents while me and her dad went for an HOUR to play ball. It's normal to feel that way, however, it is a NECESSITY to leave your child for an hour or more once in awhile. By the sounds of it, you are doing a great job! Every mother feels the same way you do, and even though she's your mother, she should respect YOU and your mothering skills.

 

my girl - July 13

I have found that I am a much better parent and more patient with my three and six year old when I have had a break. Being a parent is not always easy especially when you have had a sick baby and sometimes just what you need is a little time away to regroup. Your mother was definitely in the wrong and she should be reminded of what it was like when she was raising babies.

 

hmpg - July 20

Your mother wish is that you stay with your child as he is too young to be left alone. If this was her opinion, you can say " I am sorry mom".

 

RyeChaos - September 26

I felt guilty whenever i have my child with his father for a summer visit because it makes me sad when im not around and always in constant stress just thinking about how he is doing n never gave myself a break n im pretty sure it's normal to be like that it's a mother's instinct that we feel this way because we're there to protect them from any harm but we shouldnt hear from what our parents have to say sometimes bcaz they know they made a mistake with us or something and wants us to be a parent that they think in their mind is ideal of a "perfect" parent. and if we dont find time for ourselves just a little bit we might crack under the extreme pressure of stress level raising off the roof n might snap on our child and dont mean it. i know that post was old lolz i feel funny just posting this one up :)

 

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