How Much Harder Is Two Than One

16 Replies
Brenna - May 5

Hi just wanting a little input,I am 21 years old and next month will have been married 3 years.We have a soon to be 13 month old dd.She is a handful sometimes,but it really isn't too hard to take care of her.I am getting "the urge"to have another one,we have decided to ttc in Oct. or Nov.If I get pregnant then, (only took 1 month with dd)DD will be 28-29 months old when the baby is born.Has anyone else spaced your kids like this?Dh is good to help,but of course he works full time,plus has a part time job,and we run a cattle farm,in short he does what he can when he can.Am I crazy to want another baby?I love feeling that little life growing inside.Comments?

 

bubbasmom - May 5

Hi Brenna, my boys will be about 30 months apart (give or take a week or two). I started getting the urge when my son was around 15 or 16 months so no you are not crazy for wanting another. To be honest though, I was hoping for about 33 months between them but got pregnant quicker than expected. I am excited for my boys when they will be older because they will be close in age. In the short term, I'm soooo anxious about dealing wtih the terrible 2's along with a newborn. I'm also nervous for how my son will react to a new baby. But, lots of my friends are doing it and I think the spacing will be good. Just a word of advice - pregnancy the second time around is not as much fun. You can't just take a nap whenever and taking care of one child while pregnant is really, really hard. But, feeling my son kick is worth it. Good luck to you

 

Brenna - May 5

Thanks bubbasmom,I appreciated your answer.I can see what you're saying about not beeing able to take a nap,This evening I got so sleepy,dh took dd out to the farm with him and I took a 2 hour nap!I'm not even preg.yet and I'm already tired.lol I was sick with dd so I'm not looking forward to that.

 

ewilson - May 6

My dd was 27 months old when I had my son in Feb. He is now 3 months old. It was a hard transition at first going from 1 to 2. DS was very fussy when he was born and it was hard to adjust to that because dd is a great sleeper. I was very tired and dh tried to help as much as he could but I think the baby blues got the best of me. I have since gone back to work and feel like I have a great schedule now. DS goes to bed at 7 and wakes around 3 to eat and back down until 7 am. That gives me time to spend with dd who is a great helper. She loves to help give him his bath and make bottles or just play with him. She is also old enough that she understands that she needs to be patient when I am with him because dh works until 11pm and the baby can't do the big girl things that she can do. I counldn't imagine for myself having them any closer or further apart. I really don't remember anymore what it was like to only have 1 because ds has stolen my heart. I have to say that it was hard at first, but everything seems to fall into place and it just becomes second nature. I wouldn't change it for anything.

 

J.J. - May 6

I was in such culture shock with the first one that I found the second one to be much easier. Sure, it's twice as much work (ours are exactly 2 years apart) but you know what to expect, you know that a phase is just a phase. I will say that my husband is pretty hands on -- we both work full time and we both share kid duty equally -- so that certainly makes it more manageble.

 

Brenna - May 6

Thanks everyone,I appreciate your input!

 

in the woods - May 7

I talked to different moms, everyone have different opinions. I found it easier with 2 kids, 19 months apart, than just one - because I was more relaxed about "what to do with the baby" thing. Plus, the oldest was a girl, too, and I think the girls develop their maturity earlier... She absolutely understood that WE as a family had to care about the baby. I had a shock when I realized how rough and baby-ish boys are, if my son had been the oldest, I'd've felt just like the other mom I talked to - she said she felt like she had 2 babies, with 2 sons 20 months apart.

 

K8 - May 9

Hiya, I had to try for 3.5 years for my first baby (dd) so when we started trying for our second we were ecstatic that it only took a month!!!! I fell pregnant with the 2nd when dd was 9.5 months old so they are only 19 months apart and it is waaaaay easier than i thought. The pregnancy was horrid and much harder running around after dd aswell but now my son is born i am loving every second of it. He is 2 months old now and since day dot he has been a great sleeper so i have been very lucky. I agree that it is easier with two because you are much more relaxed about the second one (well i am anyways) I was always so unorganised, but now that i HAVE to be organised i am coping much easier - i actually have a clean house this time round - but thats just because i know that if i let it get away from me ill never find time to get it back :) lol It has made me a supermum Ha Ha Ha (almost) We still have our moments where Daddy comes home from work and i am almost in tears because the kids have had a grumbly day but for the most part its been good. The absolute crazy thing is im ready for more!!!! My ds is a huge baby so i feel like the newborn stage is going too quickly and i want another teeny little bubba ha ha! Best of luck :)

 

joeysmom - May 9

My oldest son is now 29 months and my baby is 3.5 months. I had my second son my oldest was 25 months. The hardest thing for me is going places, like to the park b/c it's hard to watch both of them. My son does not like being in a snugli so I always have to hold him. The only other things that's hard is balancing time between them. I definately can't spend as much time with my older son and vice versa. And you can't spend as much time admiring your new baby. I wanted them two years apart b/c I thought they would be close when they are older. I have two older sisters and they are 6 and 8 years from me.

 

Brenna - May 9

Since I had dd,even the simplest things have become more difficult.......like going to the grocery store,it is a big production now,although I am used to it,but how much harder is it when you have a toddler and a baby?

 

Justine1 - May 9

I think 28-29 months is a nice age gap. Mine are 14 months apart and I think its lovely for them but its closer than I would have chosen. I find 2 twice the work of one. My daughter who is 2 I find more work than the son as she doesn't nap in the day often whereas my son (1) will take a few hour or so long naps. My son is much more baby like than my daughter - my Mum says this is normal for boys but I don't know. He just wants to cuddle me all day long, he wants to sleep with his head on me etc. I hate double pushchairs/strollers - I find them a nightmare in shops here but it maybe different in the US. Its also hard to watch two so young at once and hard to get them to nap at the same time. I think your age gap (or up to 3 years) is about the ideal one. I'm sure you'll be fine.

 

in the woods - May 9

One baby takes 100% of your time, two babies will take only 100% of your time. You'll be better at juggling things, planning for 2 now - every trip will be like: diapers, check, underpants, check, two change of clothes, check, a bottle for one and a drink for the other, check, a baby toy for one and a toddler <puzzle, crayons, book>, check, etc, etc, etc. Finding time to do things you'd want to do will be about the same. For example, if I want to plant a garden, I can maybe find half hour - hour a couple of times a day. Before, someone was a baby, very attached. Now, as they are 5 and 3.5, they still need their mommy - whether they are fighting, need ideas to play, need drink, are cold, are hot, need to get bicylce, need to show you what they found, are afraid of the dog, need to eat/sleep...

 

bbmax - May 10

My boys are 18 months apart and one is almost 8 months, the other just turned 2. From what everyone was saying I was a bit nervous about having two so close together but it's been only twice the fun. My 2 year old loves the baby. Both of my kids were excellent sleepers right away though and that has been a big help because I'm always rested.

 

in the woods - May 10

Well, maybe I tend to talk about only one side, and fail to mention the other - the happinness that is shining in my kids faces when they see each other first thing in the morning, and all day long, like puppies, they are all over each other. Sometimes they behave as the older sister and the younger brother, when she's teaching him something. The other times they are equals, competing in running or climbing, - since they are so close in age, they have common interests - that's what I was striving for, I didn't want a big huge gap when there's little connection and the little ones considered "pests". (I have a much younger sister and that made me decide on having close-age children). They are like one lively creature, inseparable. They love each other, and I'm trying to capture that love on film whenever I can - and, of course, I love them both.

 

DB - May 10

I am currently 13.5 weeks pregnant with #2. I am slightly worried how it will be. DD is 15 months old and can be very independent (ie, doesn't need me to entertain her) or extremely clingy! These two kids will be 21 months apart...I have no clue what a 21 month old is like??? So, that adds to my nervousness. I feel, for us, the first 3-4 months will be hard...I found nursing the hardest during the first six weeks and I anticipate it will be similar this time around...and God help me if I have another colicky, reflux baby!!! I don't know what I will do! DD cried every night from 5pm-10pm!!! Those are my anxieties! So, I hope it's as easy as some of you are saying!

 

Justine1 - May 11

I'ld say I found the first three months with the hardest with the first and the second when they're not sleeping through then after that it gets easier. It varies with the child as well - like my first never really naps and just runs round all day pretty much so she's more work, (though very entertaining and lovely), than the second, (also lovely and very cuddly), who spends half each day asleep. At 3 they go to the nursery 2 days here paid for by the state and at 4 or 5 they start school so that makes a difference then if you're a SAHM. I think you worry a lot less with your second. Like with the first I was really worried about all the cot/crib death rules in England - like never let a sibling use the other siblings crib/never let the baby sleep on anything but their back. With the second he's slept in my DD's crib and slept on his front and I don't worry at all. I think my kids love being 14 months apart - they're like best friends. Its very noisy and the house gets very untidy at times - you can spend loads of time cleaning it and it looks perfect then 10 minutes later it looks like a bomb has hit the house - lol. Its fun though and its good to see the kids interact with each other. When I said its twice as much work I'm counting work as the work related to the baby like changing nappies, doing their washing, feeding, cleaning up after them etc. I know people have different views on this as about half people told me I was mad to have 2 kids under 2 and about half the second was easier than the first.

 

cubbie - May 11

my dd's are 2.2 years apart (now 3.3 and 1.1) I'm a SAHM and the first 5 months I had both girls at home, then in Sept when my older dd was 2.7 she started nursery half day, so she's still home from 1pm now. I can honestly say that for me 2 is easier than 1. When it was my older dd on her own she wanted my attention all the time, and I really couldn't get anything done without her "helping" me so it took double as long, now the girls play together and need my attention less, so I can get more done and am much more organised. Also when the baby is having a nap, my older dd's really excited to have time to play with all her small toys that she can't have while her sister's around that she's not bothered if I'm in the background. The thing that I also found when the baby was born was I got her into a routine pretty much from day one and the only time that was really hard was if as a newborn the baby was fussing when it was time for my older dd to get to bed, but that only really was the first few weeks.

 

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