I Miss My Baby

9 Replies
billsgirl - June 8

my son is not a toddler but there isnt forum for his age group. he's actually going tobe 12 in sept. but lately he has been getting att_tudes towards me. i never went through the terrible tow's with him and he's never been a disrespect child. never yelled at me. but lately anytime i tell him to do something or clean up after himself he stops talking to me for a while and just basically acts like he hates me. i just now asked him why we dont get along anymore and he just shrugged his shoulders. i am so sad. his dad and i broke up when he was a baby and he sees him everyother weekend. his dad gets to be the fun one and spoils him wiht candy and junkfood and lets him stay up late. tehn i get to be the disaplinarian (sp?) and i hate felling like im the mean one. i know in a few years he will be a grown up and it just kills me to know that my baby is growing up soo fast. i feel like im loseing him. when ever i look at his baby pictures i get so sad that those times are gone and i took thiem for granted. i really feel like he doesnt love me anymore. when i was yound probably just a little older than him i ran away for the first time. and i did it at least 5 more times before i moved out at 16. i am so scared that he is going to do the same things i did. i dont know what to do!!!!!

 

jas - June 8

It must be the age! My 12 yr old son has turned from the sweetest child to someone I hardly know. I know Jadon (my 14 month old) and moving to England from Japan (dh is military) has a lot to do with it, but he seems to get along better with dh then me. dh is deployed and I am dealing with anger issues with him. Nathan has good days and bad days. I have sat him down and tried talking to him and I get the one word answers or the shoulder shrug too. One thing that seems to work with Nathan is when I just act crazy. I turn the radio up real loud and start dancing. He'll roll his eyes at me and I'll grab his hand and make him dance. Or I'll sing one of his favorite songs in a funny voice.... I try to watch some of his favorite cartoons with him or play Halo (for the gabillionth time). Try to get on his level as best as I can. As far as suggestions - try to make some fun time with him too - You may be the one who does all the discipline, but you can be 'fun' too.

 

jas - June 8

The trick is to find something that the two of you can do together. He might come around. I understand about the running away thing too.. Nathan has mentioned it and I know I ran away once or twice in my teen years. When he gets really mad at the world is when I talk to him (yeah, when he wants nothing to do with me I make him listen to me) I tell him all of the positives he has in his life and don't focus on anything negative. I let him bring up the negative when he wants to. When he does, we try to deal with it. I am honest with him. If I don't know the answer, I tell him I don't and we go from there. He may not be the baby anymore, but he will always be my baby and he knows it. Might not like it, but he knows it...

 

billsgirl - June 8

hi jas, thanks for your post. as i was writing my question i couldnt help but cry uncontrollable. i went oto sean's room and sat on his bed. he immediatly came and threw his arms around me. i told him i dont want to have this kind of relationship. i told him how he really was my bestfriend and i hate feeling like he's mad at me. i had sean when i was 17 and have been very close to him. i tell him every singel day a million times aday how much i love him. so we talked and he started crying too. i apologized for being so cranky lately and that i was going to work on it. i let him know that he was the best hing in my life. i told him that out of everybody in the entire world he was the only one i would die for. i said i just want him to look back on his childhood and have good thoughts. ( i of course dont) he really is the sweetest kid in the world. he has the biggest heart and is so kind. just thinking about him choles me up. i just wish i could freeze time. my boyfriend and i are ttc and im afraid that if i do end up having another baby that he will feel left out. how did your son take it when you had your little one? i am supposed to start tomorrow- hopefully i dont. i know i have been extra moody latly and everything is p__sing me off. stupid stuff- like teh messes i find and the dog's barking. its either pms or i am pg. thank you so much for listening to me!

 

Lchan - June 8

As hard as this seems, you son is just a normal 12 yr old. When you asked him why you don't get along anymore and he shrugged his shoulders, well, that's because he doesn't quite understand why he is acting the way he is doing. He is simply following his natural instincts and that is telling him to establish independence and wean himself from his mom. I can imagine, as a mother, it hurts, but its necessary for your son on his way to becoming a man.

 

jennifer_33106 - June 8

Awe Jessica welcome to the teenage years!!! Dont you remember??? I do.... It seems like that is the age where you think you dont need your parents. But I guarentee he needs you more then you think. haha And he can not move out with out your permission so dont even worry about that hun.

 

jas - June 9

I am glad you talked to him! That is awesome! Nathan wanted a little brother or sister since he knew what one was. Although we tried and tried it didn't happen. I had an ectopic and we thought that that was it. Well... 11 years later, here is Jadon. Nathan was excited and I know he loves his brother, but I think it was a shock to him to see how much attention the baby got vs how little he was getting now. Grandparents and my sister helped by giving him a "big brother" present when they gave Jadon something. We include Nathan in almost everything but let him have his own time when he wants it. After Jadon goes to bed, I try to make it a point to do something with just Nathan - watch tv, play Halo, whatever he wants to do. Of course, that doesn't always happen and when the daily routine gets routine, I stop myself and try to take time out for just Nathan. All in all I think he has adapted to the change. Just don't get caught up in the whole "Oh you have a built in baby sitter now"... Trust me! Let that one slide... My sister is 13 years older then me and she was stuck watching me while my parents went out. She hated it. We didn't have a relationship - a REAL one - until I was 30. (I am 35 now)... So that's something to keep in mind. I know I am rambling.. sorry - but another thing that might be good for him is boy scouts. Nathan is involved with it and he loves it. It can give him a positive outlet. Anyway - you are not alone!!

 

billsgirl - June 9

thankyou girls for taking the time to ease my mind. Lchan- know what youre saying is true, but i hate to admitt it. jenn- you are always so sweet! and jas- i am so glad that i met someone who is in the same position i may find myself in soon. i know what you mean about not making him in to a built in babysitter. im way aheadof you on that one. when i was 9 my dad re-married and had a baby. I turned into that babysitter and i resented my little sister. and actually now as an adult i cant believe they trusted such a younge girl with all that responsibility. i truely want my son to have a great childhood. i have him enrolled in karate he goes 3 times a week. he wasnt interested in the cub or boy scouts. it made me sad cause i was a brownie and a girlscout! thanks agian! i hope you all have a wonderful day!

 

sa__sychick - June 11

billsgirl, I'm in a very similar situation. I have a daughter who just turned 13 and a son who is 10 months. Over the past year or so I've noticed a big change in the relationship I have with my daughter. I had her when I was 20 and her dad and I separated when she was 2 so it was always just her and I while she was growing up and we were also very close. Now we are constantly arguing about something. She gets an att_tude with me whenever I ask her to do anything. She's also good for rolling her eyes and when I call her name she responds with "what" instead of yes or yes mama. She's also started acting differently towards me when she's in front of her friends like I embarra__s her or something. When I giver her a kiss or a hug she acts like I'm bothering her. She's always been a good child and I've never really had any problems with her. When I discuss her change in att_tude with my friends or my mom they always tell me that she's a teenager and that mother daughter relationships are tough but of course that doesn’t make me feel much better. When my boyfriend and I became pregnant, not planned, and I broke the news to her she was pretty upset. Being the only child and always having me to herself was a big adjustment for her and it took some time for her to come around and accept what was happening. I'm happy to say that she has accepted her brother and loves him to pieces. She came to me one day and said that she's glad that he's with us and she now doesn't know what she would do without him. I obviously don't have an answers to your problem but I wanted you to know you’re not alone. I think these ladies have given you some good advice. Hopefully your son will be happy with a baby sister or brother. I think it's hard with the big gap in age and I definitely agree with jas about the babysitting. I made it very clear to my daughter that her brother is my responsibility and not hers and that I want her to enjoy him and not feel obligated to take care of him. I must say she didn't have much to do with him for the first few months but when he started showing more of a personality she started being very helpful and playful with him. She still has never changed a dirty diaper but I don't expect her to. I miss my daughters younger years and sometimes I feel like she's growing up and doesn't need or want me around but I guess that's a normal stage that kids go through, it just sucks for us. I hope things get better between you and you’re son and good luck on ttc. Sorry this is so long!

 

billsgirl - June 11

sa__sychick- thanks for your post too. its so comforting to hear similar stories to your own. i had a close realtionship with my mom up until i was 12. because of circ_mstances with both of us, it took me into my late 20's to get that back. now, i appriciate my mom more than ever and i love her so much. i just dont want to have such a huge gap in my life with my son as i did with my mom. sa__sy- i feel fore you. ive heard that girls are easier at a younge age but are hard in the teenage years. i have always wanted a daughter, i just wanto skip those years!! i was out the other night at a car show and i heard this kid, he was probbaly 13 or so, talking to his dad. he was jumping up and down on the runners ( i think thats what theyre called) of a truck on the side. the dad told him to stop it and the little boy said, i wont break it, your fat a__s moght though. i was appalled! the dad said nothing after that. just kinda wenton with liiking at the cars. i was shocked at how this boy acted and even more shocked at how the dad WASNT shocked. i could never imagine my son, or me talking that way to my parents. it is so sad to see some parents out there who let their kids walk al over them. i dont know if its because people are afraid to disaplin their kids anymore because of fear or guilt ( with me i feel the guilt) but i'm scared of the future because of it. but seeing situatins like that really makes me so thankful to have the sweet boy that i do. comparitivly speaking, he's a saint!

 

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