Possible Breakup

8 Replies
guccigal87 - March 13

So my son is almost 14 months and me and dh have been fighting ever since he was born. I am in full-time school and he works and pays the bills so things are REALLY tight which i think is one of our main problems but because money is tight we never have "us"time anymore and i feel like i have maybe fallen out of love... i mean i love him but im not IN love anymore. We had another big fight last night and this morning hewoke up very cranky even though i got up all night with our son. He told me i have to choose before the end of today wether he will move back in with his parents. What annoys me is he gives me this cuz he is fed up and then mentions how i will never survive without his money, because i have no job and since i have no job he can take our son away from me. and that i only have him so i can have someone to pay for me to get through school. which just makes me even madder. I want him gone in more then one way but i dont want my son to have one parent, barely any money, and i grew up with only my mom so i have seen it happen and i know its capable but is it fair to ds to just let his dad go, although i think maybe with some time away our relationship might be able to become a relationship again. Either way i have NO idea what to do anymore and im hoping you girls can help. Maybe some of you are divorced and tell me how that went? or have some idea on how we can not fight, im sure that once i start working it will be better. Needs some input on this.. sorry for the long rant

 

lin7604 - March 13

how long have you been together? hubby and i am going through something similar this past few months since my mat leave has stopped, and i do really believe it is beacuse of money! They do say that money is the #1 reason why young parents split before their child is 5. ALso you said that you have been fighting since he was born, what was it like before that? did you still have minor fights, etc Where are you from? mostly what i have heard is that the mother gets 1st priority and even though the father is the one with the job the mother will still get the baby first. don't know what it is like where you are from. sorry i couldn't be more help but i am in a trying position too as it gets thrown in my face weekly about " go back to work, etc" and i am learning how to handle it and what to do about it.

 

KimS - March 13

guccigal, I totally know what you are going through, my dh and I were together 11 years, and then when my ds was 4 months old he left... my ds is now 13 months old. My advice would be to maybe see a counsellor, if you can't afford one, maybe a church or something, someone impartial. We did see a marriage counsellor for a while and it realy helped. I too grew up with a single mother and sooo didn't want this for my son, but I also don't want him growing up in a house with lots of fighting and seeing his parents in a non-loving relationship. Are you almost done school? and don't worry, he will HAVE to support you still!! he needs to understand that and so do you. Maybe a break is what you guys need? who knows, but talking to someone who's not involved in my opinion is my best advice. Good luck and I'm here if you want to talk. Also, no need to worry, if you have to , you will make it work all by yourself!! you are a strong woman!! we all are. Good Luck!

 

MNMOM - March 14

Have the 2 of you considered counseling? I think that can really help you guys have a place to talk things through in a reasonable and structured way. You owe it to yourselves and your child to try to work this out. It can be done! Having a baby is very stressful, add onto that money issues and things can seem really hopeless. But I think you have a lot of reasons to be hopeful! Don't give up quite yet, find someone to help you talk your issues through.

 

guccigal87 - March 14

well i only have 4 more weeks of school left... which is good cuz its been REALLY tough. so im really thinking maybe that will lighten the load for him.. im just scared hes still gunna think of me as the "mom" and have to do everything! my mom has mentioned we should go to counsaling and we were planning to but we dont have the money for that and im not really a church person. I have grown up in church all my life and can recite EVERY story in the bible but i have my own way of thinking about faith and well its one the pastors dont understand so it makes me frusterated when they through bible pa__sages at me and thing its all relevant to every problem you know. I have started reading this book called rattled.. its like a baby book but its how to keep your relationship with yourself you husband and your kid sane while going through the new mom stages.. which has helped a lot, now i just need a mans version! LOL but it has actually been really helpful to see that im not the only one having the issues with everything. most moms i talk to i think are to afriad to tell other moms that things arent ok.. and they tell me how wonderful there life is and how amazing staying up all night and getting no sleep and being with the baby is and it makes me frusterated cuz its like.. well you cant love your husband all the time sometimes you just wanna smack them.. so thank you for at least showing me that everyone has the issues with the baby and the money and the chores

 

MNMOM - March 14

Hey guccigal - you are so right with what you said about so many moms being unwilling to discuss that things are not all roses all the time in their life. I have been married almost 9 years and believe me I didn't think we would see year 6. Marriage is a leap of faith, sort of speak, and sometimes when you get to the end of your rope you have to just tie a knot and hang on for dear life. Marriages are not built and defined soley by the good times, but really more so by the bad - the hard times make you stronger in the end; use the memories of the good times to remember that there was a reason the two of you fell in love in the first place. People are not always loveable but in my experience, when they are at their worst is when they most need you to love them so that they feel someone believes in them. You sound so sweet and I have really good feelings that you 2 will get through this. Does your school have any counseling resources you can use? Check into that, I would think they would have something. Keep us posted.

 

momlace - March 20

Hi ladies. Me and my ex husband seperated when my dd was only 7 1/2 months old. We would also fight all the time. Are situation was probebly alot different since he was controling and it got worse after I had my daughter and didn't return to work. We did the whole counseling thing and even a marrage seminar. All that ended up with one bad night and me prego again. We have 2dd who are 17 months apart. I went threw my whole divorce pregnant. Now this is worse case senario but just to let you know it does get beter. I know that me being a stay at home mom, he could never take the girls from me just for that. I live in MN and here the mom is always first. We have been divorced for over 2 years now and in the past 8 months or so it has gotten beter. I am sure that has something to do with his new fiance but I get along with her and she is great with my girls. The biggest problem I had was when it was time for the girls to have there visitation with him. Now I enjoy when they go to his house and I get alittle quiet time. But do not get me wrong it is so hard to be a single mom. I luckly have great parents to help me. I am also in school but have alot long than you do to finish. You really have to look at what you want and where you want to be in your life. Do not stay in a bad situation just for a kid. That is the worse. But if it is just minor things, think of why you fell in love with your dh in the first place. Also date night once a month. And it doesnt have to be expencive. Try Mcdonalds or pack a picnic for a couple hours every couple weeks with no kid. It could help alot. Hope this helps. Its a lengthy one and I left alot out but if you want more info let me know.

 

lin7604 - March 21

i agree with that big time, you need time together with out the baby. IT is so important to focus on just the two of you at least once a month, to kick back, relax and just love each other. sometimes it's hard to rtemember why you love eachother but once you get alone time it comes back quickly.

 

guccigal87 - March 23

yea im gunna try and do some more time out with thehubby.. its just the daycare things.. my MIL watched him everyday and wont take him on weekend and my mom is too far soooo im thinking of a babysitter.. any advice on that? lol maybe ill make a question about that too

 

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