Stay At Home Moms Pg1242046636

8 Replies
angelinakai - May 11

I am a stay at home mom and ever since i have been staying at home with my son (almost 2 years), i have been guilted into doing all kinds of things for other people. This has gotten to be a daily thing. like getting groceries for people and just entertaining them. Recently one of my mom's friends said... oh you stay at home.. that means we can spend LOTS of time together. I don't even like this woman. but who says that bc I stay at home that i have LOTS of time anyway???? it's like people think that since I stay at home, my job is to entertain them. I am just now realizing how absurd this is (I'm kinda slow haha). I have a degree... but chose to stay at home to take care of my son, clean my house, plan meals, cook, do the shopping, pay the bills.. etc. and that IS my job. people, especially my mom, seem to think that I am here for their entertainment and that since they have chosen not to work and to be bored, that it is my job to be here at all times for them. grrrr... sorry. I just had to vent. thanks for reading.

 

Kiersten - May 11

I stay at home with my children also, and like you, many people tend to think I have nothing to do but coo at cute kids. I have a 17 month old son and a 3 month old daughter, and although they are adorable it's a lot of work! Just keeping up with them and their needs is a full day let alone the cooking, cleaning, LAUNDRY, errands...but it's so worth it. Honestly, you may just need to remind those making comments that you DO have a very demanding job and that while it's ok to visit some, your family responsibilities come first. Establish your boundaries and enforce them and it'll be much smoother! I know it's frustrating, but just put your foot down and say "no" and know that you're making a great decision for your son (being SAHM). Even if he can't verbalize it, your son loves knowing Mommy is there with him throughout the day. Good job on making, what is for some, a difficult decision to stay at home! Hope all works out. :)

 

TinaSos - May 12

I feel a SAHM is the best and hardest job! People just dont understand that you are the daycare provider, cook, house keeper, and more! So yes you must just put your foot down! I am not a SAHM but my husband and I have worked our work schedules so one of us is always home with our DD. And people think we are NUTS. My husband works 11pm to 9am(4days a week) and I work 9:30am to 6pm. He sleeps during her naps (2-3hours) and once i get home (3-4hours more). I always hear things from other people that he "must be tired all the time" and "that has to be hard". I feel so guilty. We do this so we dont have to have a sitter. We both feel that its important to rasie our child and not have others do it. If one of us could stay home all the time we would (and are working on paying down debit so in the future we hope we can). I just wish people would understand that yes it is hard but its what we feel is the best for our child instead of giving me c___p about it. UGH My DH took a different job with a pay cut too. And people thought that was nuts too. I thought friends and family were to support you. Got figure! Sorry I just needed to vent. Please Keep up the GREAT WORK SAHM!

 

bellybubble - May 13

Well firstly I agree with the other posters - put your foot down and let them know that there are boundries! Hopefully they will respect that and you will be a lot happier. Well I was a stay at home mum for as long as I could be - the first 7 months but then had to come back to work on a casual basis. I am really lucky that my work is so flexible and they are very supportive. I work 3 hours a day 5 days a week and 2 of those days I work from home. My hubby is on shift work so when I am at work he can be at home with our bubba girl so we also dont have to pay a sitter and he gets to spend daddy time with her - its a great arrangement. I will admit before I had my bub I actually thought that SAHM's basically did coffee with other mums and relaxed in the parks, and basically had a nice relaxing day at home - HAHAHAHA - WHAT A FOOL I WAS!!! Now I know how hard it is and I only have one -it is the hardest job I have EVER had and in some respects it is a nice break to go to work! But I just wanted to add that I think all mums do the best they can be it working mums or SAHM's - we all do the best we can for our bubs. :)

 

jenna32 - May 13

it is soooo true,there isnt even enough time in the day. i get the same reaction from others,like i have all the time in the world!! yeah right.

 

Floricica - June 17

Stay at home moms do all kinds of things and stay at home for all kinds of reasons. You still work. Being a mom alone is a full time job. You just have to tell people that you have things to do. Tell them you have a schedule and you fallow it. You go to the park and you have to teach your child things. You have to clean and cook. You have laundry and a date with your best friend. I mean I always came up with every excuse in the book when I was at home with my son. Now he's in daycare because of school, but now its summer and I am at home but I have to keep him in daycare so I dont loose my subsidized spot. Im home every day but w.e it doesnt mean that I should jump and go entertain people. I need my own time as well. I clean and cook and take my dog for walks. I take care of bills and my balcony garden. I mean trust me just come up with things. Dont feel guilty for being at home. It's your life. We shouldnt live for the rest of the world, we should live for ourselves and our children.

 

Ginny - June 22

I laughed as I read your post, not because your situation is funny, but because it is UNIVERSAL!! I have to agree with all the other posters, too. I run a daycare from my home, and it is HARD work. I'm exhausted at the end of every day, but the little ones are worth it. That being said - I had to learn how to be DIRECT with people. I used to be really nice and meek, and it was pretty easy to walk all over me because I was such a people pleaser. Friends would want to leave kids with me, because I was at home. Then they would a__sume that because we are friends that they didn't have to pay. Other people would tell me they could pay me at the end of the week, then not show up on Friday, or send the kid with a grandparent who wouldn't know anything about it. I could tell you a thousand similar stories. I finally just made the decision (it was a new years resolution, actually) to learn to be direct, no matter what. I tell people exactly what I expect from them and exactly what I can give. I am firm, but also kind. It has changed my life!! that sounds cheesy, but if I look back on the quiet sufferer that i used to be, I don't know how I put up with it. Sure, some people now think I'm a b!tc&, but I can genuinely say that I'm better off without them in my life. So here's my advice (if you want it, sc___p it if you don't! :) The next time someone asks you to do something you don't want to do, be direct and say, "I wish i could, but I just don't have the time or energy." And if they are rude enough to ask what you have to do that's so important, give them a list. Or tell them it's so complicated that they wouldn't understand. And if that's too aggressive, you could just avoid their calls (thank goodness for caller ID).

 

jenna32 - June 26

i know i already posted but i get so angry when people say we do nothing all day. I hear things like " some people have to work for a living" and blah blah. okk well stahm's do a lot of things laundry, finance stuff,taking our kids out and planning activities,COOKING, raising our kids,clean,garbage etc! The gov here pays some money for sahm moms through the baby bonus, i know it's not as much as a full time job but i would much rather be raising my child then going to work and handing them off.

 

DDT - June 27

jenna32: I can take offence by your message in so many ways. I live in Canada where we get a 1 full year mat leave. I have two kids (2.5 & 1) so am fully aware of what it means to be a SAHM. BUT I had to go back to work once my Mat leave was up because we financially have to. It's not beneficial for our family for me to be a SAHM. So, I "hand my kids off" to a in-home daycare lady 18 days in a month. They are not tortured, don't cry, god forbid they actually enjoy the social interaction. They get to play with "new" toys and socialize with the other kids. BTW even when you are a working Mom you still have to make the dinner, clean, garbage, laundry ect. Who else does it? I cannot believe that you think that a working Mom is not raising her kid. It's your perception of what raising is. I believe my kids flourish and learn so mych from daycare. It also helps prepare them for preschool and eventually the real world.

 

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