TERRIBLE TWO So Mean To Sister HELP

4 Replies
lunamoo - February 13

My dd named Z. will be 3 years old next month and she has a 10 mon. sister. Z is so naughty and mean to her little sister and I am at wits end! She will, hit, pinch, push, and smother her sis always to the point of pain. She is so bad that when I foresee something, like Z will hit little sis with a stick and I say, NO, she looks at me, smiles and then hits her anyway! I have tried being calm, raising my voice, squeezing her hand, but nothing seems to work. The last few days have been the worse. Is there an end to her reign of terror!?!?!?!

 

olivia - February 13

If you think your 10 month old can tolerate it, try to ignore the behavior, or just pick up the baby and walk away without commenting. We tried so many things but in the long run we had to appear to stop noticing it to make my dd stop. My dd is a little younger so I don't know if the rules change, at a certain age within the 2's but this worked for us. If my son was in danger I would never have done it this way, but he got a couple pushes and squishes and then it was over. (if it is sticks, I would say no playing with sticks and leave it at that as the rule instead of saying no hitting with sticks). I found she got way worse right when he was about to walk, then after a few weeks of walking she started to actually play with him. So maybe you're right about at that stage?

 

mjvdec01 - February 14

USE TIME OUT!!! Don't ignore the behavior, that is the worst thing you could do. When you see the behavior tell her it is not acceptable and that she is going to time out. Chose a spot that is boring- nothing to see or do. You put her there and she is to stay for a minute for each year of age. In her case I would just go with three. Once you put her in the time out DO NOT speak to her nor look at her. It is very important that you so not communicate with her at all in any way. If she comes out of time out before the specified time you calmly put her back and start the time over. This may take a long time the first few times or possibly the first few days. Once her time is up, go over to her, get down on her level and explain to her that her behavior is hurtful and harmful and that it just will not be tollerated any more. Then it is very important to ask for an appology and give her a hug. She has to understand that it is the behavior you do not like, not her. You have got to parent, you cannot expect her to learn acceptable behavior without the execution of consequences. I have been using this with my daughter since she was 18 months old, she is now two and rarely is in time out. Your daughter has got to know that you are serious. Also, you have got to follow this to a T or it will not work. With a child who has been allowed to get away with undesireable behavior in the past will test you and try to wear you down, she will not think you are serious right away and you have to be prepared for a battle of the wills. This is the method that is used by "Supper Nanny"Her show is on wednesday nights on either ABC or NBC. If you just watch and episode you will see for yourself. It is proven and works every time, but, like I said, only if you execute it properly. Good luck.

 

cubbie - February 14

I have kids the same ages as yours, my older dd used to be really mean to the baby - it all stems from jealousy and once you put yourself in her situation it's easier to put a stop to it - imagine if your partner brought home a new women and said to you "this is my new wife/girlfriend, you have to love her and be nice to her" how would you feel, that's exactly how it is for her and the first few months she's really gone from being number one to being pushed to the side now the compet_tion isn't just taking mom and dad away but also her toys and teritory. One of the things that really helped was everytime I could see she was about to attack I would go to her pick her up give her a big hug and tell her I love her, she learned very quickly that she can come straight to me for attention and affection without needing to attack first. I also started to have the baby "talk" to her telling her to please not hurt her and that she loves her and wants her to be her friend and teacher. This really did cut out 90% of the attacking for no reason, but obviously not the toy snatching and pushing when she wants something and the baby's in the way or playing with it, then and the occa__sional attack for no reason I give one warning and then use time out but I'm also really careful to do the same with the baby when she snatches so she sees it's a rule for everyone, so if say the baby snatches something or breaks her puzzle I also say to her, we don't do that, if you do it again you'll have to go in time out and even though the baby doesn't understand what's going on, my older dd doesn't feel that she's always the one in the wrong. I can say that now they play together nicely most of the time. Also if I see things are about to get out of hand I redirect attention by bringing out playdough or colors and get my older dd sitting at the table doing big girl things that the baby can't do and that calms things down as well. Good luck!!!

 

Justine1 - February 14

I have a 2 year old and a 13 month old and the 2 year old will sometimes hit/kick etc the 13 month old - I think its fairly normal for kids to be jealous but I think its important that my 2 year old knows its not acceptable to behave like this. When she does it I tell her that she should not kick/hit the 13 month old because it hurts him and she needs to hug him to let him know his sister loves him. She then will hug him. Its rare for her not to hug him but if she won't I'll pick him up and hug him and tell her that Mum needs to hug Nick because you hurt him. That way seems to work for us - if it didn't then I'ld do the time out method. I'ld also confiscate all the sticks she's hitting her sister with and hide them. When our DD kicks Nick I take her shoes off and tell her that girls that kick don't get to wear shoes.

 

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