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Let me start by saying that the way you are feeling sounds so close to how I felt years ago when my ex-wife left me. We met in '93 and started dating that same year. Her and I and a couple of friends went out partying on Dec. 22nd and were literally up all night. On the morning of the 23rd, I drove my friend to his job and proceeded to drive my gf and her friend home. On the way, they both fell asleep 'cause we were up all night and I began to fall asleep at the wheel. We had an accident and ran off the road and hit another car in a nearby parking lot of a gas station. My gf and I were taken to the hospital and we found out she was pregnant now. So, a few months later, we got married and found a place to live together. We had 3 kids together, that is them in the profile picture with me. Anyway, over the years, we were happy but slowly began to grow apart. In October, 2002, she left me and I was in a state of panic. During the time we were married(back in '97), I became a christian and the Lord became my life and I stopped drinking and getting high, etc. Well, when she left, my focus got off of Jesus and on how to get her back, so I stopped going to church and tried to get her back, but it only pushed her further away. I went back to my T.O.Y.s(the Temptation of Your Youth), which were drinking and marijuana. I couldn't sleep so I was taking sleep aid pills all week long so I could sleep and still go to my job, but even there, I would have to make trips to the bathroom so no one would see me crying. I was a pathetic mess. My ex didn't divorce me until over 2 years later and by then, I had forgiven her for leaving and cheating on me after she left. I will say that I only started drinking and smoking again to cover the pain but it didn't work, after a about 10-20 minutes, I was in worse pain than before. And I wasn't thinking clearly. I even drove over to the guys house who she was staying with ready to kick his butt. I'm a christian man, and I was drinking and going to pick a fight. How would that have looked to my kids? You may not have kids, but I would go easy on the drinking before you get into real trouble, though I do understand what you are going through. I hurt for you, man. Just know that if this doesn't work out, life isn't over. I don't want to suggest you do anything stupid, but if she is only 5 minutes away, how do you keep from just going to see her? Have you maybe bought her some flowers and tried going to see her and take the flowers to her or have them delivered? I admit, I used to do that alot with my fiance ,but here lately, she doesn't show much appreciation so I have stopped doing that although I did buy and replace her car battery on Mothers' Day and I am not sure she said thank you for that. But anyway, if that sounds like something you want to try, go to FTD.com, and you can get huge discounts if you set up an account there. Just trying to help. God bless you, man.

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