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Lynne, I know what you mean about not wanting to be in the delivery and being so happy for your friend but being so sad at the same time. My friend did not know what I was going through at the time, and still does not...I haven't really told anyone. I can't, my family doesn't even know. I just found out that I was really 22 weeks pregnant, and just found out recently that my daughter was alive when she was born. I didn't know because they gave me drugs to knock me out during the procedure they were doing since I didn't want to be awake. They told me that she was dead. I feel so guilty, even though I didn't know. So, needless to say, I am paralyzed with grief...and may have a lawsuit on my hands...I don't know what I want to do though. Will it bring me more pain? Because if it does, I don't know if I can handle it right now. There are pictures of my little girl in my file, but I haven't been able to look at them yet...we'll see what happens. As for your decision about being in the birthing room...I am sure she will understand. I am my friend's baby's Godmother, so it was sort of a blessing...but oyu have to decide what you can handle. Crying is okay...Don't feel bad about what you decide either way...Kat

Chrnor, I am so sorry for your loss...you are in my prayers...I totally understand the redirection feeling...I feel like I don't have much of a direction at all! More like, I have a pile of rubble at my feet and I don't know how to pick through it...take care...
Kat

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