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I just inserted Cytotec, and I don't think I would be as comfortable doing so if I hadn't read all the stories on this forum--thank you thank you thank you! I'm so glad I found your stories. I found out I was pregnant the day I missed my period in October. It was unplanned, and honestly, I wasn't too excited about it. I was scared to have a third child (I have two girls, 7 and 3)--we thought we were done and were even looking for a good urologist to perform a vasectomy on my husband. We just didn't think we could afford it. That seems really stupid now. BUT, since we love having a family, we quickly got used to the idea of a family of five, and were beginning to get excited about it. I saw its heartbeat at 6 weeks, 2 days. That's the moment for me--when I see the heartbeat, I'm hooked. Two weeks later, my husband and I went in for another ultrasound. The doctor was doing ultrasounds more often than when I was pregnant with my daughters, and I don't know why that is. I wonder if he knew something was up. Anyway, at that visit, he said there was no heartbeat, and no growth since the previous visit. We were just in shock. You really take for granted that things will be fine when you're blessed with easy and perfect kids to begin with. So we ended up going Christmas shopping (this was Dec. 20th--Merry Christmas, right?). It was such a weird day. The next morning, I woke up devastated. All of a sudden it just became unbearable and I felt like my child had died. (It had, I know, but I'm usually pretty logical, so this level of emotion was overwhelming for me). I made it through Christmas. The family was all here, and we had told everyone. They say the weirdest things: "well, you didn't want more anyway," and "at least it was early," and "just drink more of Gram's punch!" Like that will help. . . actually, it did help that night.

So here I am, one week later, laying here inducing a miscarriage. Being the wimp that I am, I took the Percocet my doctor prescribed off the bat. Some of the stories on here led me to think that was the way to go, just in case. That's kicking in, but an hour later, no cramping yet. Part of me just wants to get it over with, and part of me wants to hold onto this little dream that began just two months ago--a surprise I didn't know I wanted at the time. I don't know if we'll try again, but I definitely don't want my husband to have a vasectomy, so time will tell. I just know that a bigger house, a nicer car, that stupid Coach bag I've been eyeing. . .none of that seems to matter in this situation. What matters most is family and spending time with that family. I feel so guilty, like I'm being punished for having the wrong priorities. I have to feel grateful for what I do have, and only then do I deserve more.

God bless us who go through this at all, muchless multiple times. We girls are strong, strong creatures.

I'll let you know how this goes. Wish me luck.

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