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It's 24 hours later and here's how it's gone: about an hour after the first vaginally inserted, 3 pill Cytotec dose, I began bleeding lightly. It progressed throughout the afternoon until I passed an enormous (felt enormous) clot. My doctor had told me I'd pass progressively larger clots and when something "golfball sized" came out, everything would nearly cease and I'd bleed lightly thereafter. Well, the huge one was the first thing I passed besides liquid blood. There was so much blood with it, I could not see it at the bottom of the toilet. I sat there on the bathroom floor for quite some time contemplating what to do. If that was my baby, how could I flush it? On the other hand, what would I do with it when I fished it out? It was pretty awful. I prayed and talked to my angel and told her all the things that were on my mind--heart--and finally felt okay about flushing the toilet. The cells and tissue were empty and I felt certain that she's with me in a different form. By the way, there is no wrong way to deal with that situation. You do whatever feels right to you--you're not crazy, you're not gross or morbid if you want to see it--you're not heartless if you don't.

So after that, I passed clot after clot, none as big as the first. This kept up through the night, and I soaked about a pad every hour or two. This morning things were much lighter. I called the doctor and he suggested that I go ahead and take the second dose of Cytotec. It wouldn't hurt if I had already passed the bulk of it and it would just move things along if I hadn't. Again, I took Percocet with it.

Because I went ahead and took Percocet--I'm on my fourth in 24 hours--I really haven't had much pain. I could feel the cramping the whole time, but I've experienced similar pain with regular periods. It has been very bearable.

Overall so far, this experience has been much worse emotionally that it has been physically. The day in bed watching movies and napping is actually cathartic--gives you a chance to feel at rest during what's probably been a chaotic and difficult time. I have an appointment this week to check if everything has passed. If not and I have to have a D & E/C anyway, I'll let you know. Otherwise, thanks so much for "listening," and I hope you've found my story helpful. May you have peace and joy in the future.

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