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Shauna/Nanabon - I wanted to address you in a separate post. I am so sorry to hera about what is goign on with dh. It sounds like he is having a really early mid-life crisis. Dawn is right - men are severely sensitive about the hair thing. The good news is that he doesnt express unhappiness with your relationship, his problems seem to stem from his low self-esteem and his fear tha his youth is slipping away (oh, my as I get ready to turn 38 next weekend the thought of youth slipping away at 26 does bring a smile to my older, wiser lips! but don't tell him I said that!). Everyone hits thta where is my life going and how did I get this old feeling at different points in their lives. The bad news is that he is trying to validate his manliness and attractiveness through these sites. And it is different than looking up porn - these are actual people, so he is paying with fire whether he realizes it or not. He seems like he is stuck between wanting the fantasy of other women validating his attractiveness and the love and comfort of his family. I think you idd the right thing by confronting him and telling him that this is unacceptable behavior, that you will not tolerate it, and that he needs to work with you on this marriage. You have made it clear that you love him and find him attractive. He needs to realize that if his wife's love and attention are not enough to quiet his insecurity, the attention of other women isn't going to either (it seems to the outward eye that it would, but many a man/woman who has come close to or had an affair has realized this too late). The bets way to figure that out is therapy, both marital and individual. I have had a few friends who went to couples therapy early in their marriages and they are still together very strong. ANd the interesting thing is that in all the cases, one of the spouses ended up also doing individual therapy to deal with their own issues (in one case the wife, the other it was the husband). As for his argument that if you have something to say to each other, you will simply say it - if that was the case, then why is he looking up dating websites instead of telling you how inadequate he feels? Also, these friends of his who are going on these sites - are they married? Gotta wonder about them and what their priorities are. Good luck honey, No one needs this kind of stress, but I am glad you are being proactive - stay strong and stay firm in your resolve that he must stop this behavior and work with you, and continue to let him know that you love him and value him but that you will not share him with anyone but your children.

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