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I appreciate your comment Kimberly. I suffer with severe anxiety and minor to moderate depression outside of being pregnant so it seems to be taking a harder toll on both mind and body. I am uncertain as to precisely why I was convinced that I couldn't bare children. Most of it was just something I felt instinctively. I placed confirmation on said suspicions from failing to get pregnant the various times I tried when I was stupidly younger. Thankfully nothing came of that, not that I don't think I would have failed as a mother, but I see now that it was completely the wrong time with entirely the wrong person. I am now in a committed relationship to a wonderful man with plans to marry. I have insurance though my place of employment so that isn't much a worry. I told the fiancee yesterday after I got off work but the decision hasn't quite been made as to what we are going to do. I want nothing more than to keep this child, though it was a complete surprise, but we aren't as financially fit and the fiancee would wish us to be before we start our family. I can't blame him for being the typical Italian, wanting to assure that his family is well provided for. He is a few credits short of his Ph.D which is all that is separating him from the full time position teaching at the college, for now he is part time but still makes a rather decent amount of money. As soon as he lands this full time position he well be starting at a 70k salary. He is feeling that at this particular moment in time abortion really is the only solution. He knows full well that I could never place my baby for adoption, not that I specifically hold anything against adoption per se, rather there is no was I could refrain from attaching myself to a point of no return and be able to hand over something I have always dreamt of. Though it is so early in the pregnancy I am already attached, even taking the all day nausea with a smile. I understand fully that it is my body and thus my decision, but I have committed myself to him fully thus making any decision affect both rather than just one. He wants nothing more than to have children with me, but in a time he feels would be more suiting... I don't want to have an abortion and I feel terrible explaining to him precisely how and why I feel as I do. He feels so helpless and I am left feeling like a terrible person... I can't think straight... I'm so afraid of making a terrible decision, one that I am going to regret for the rest of my life. I have plans to see a doctor before we make arrangements for anything else. I'm hoping so hard that something, anything will change his mind... My mind is so full and all I want to do is cry....

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