Unfortunately, I can't say I believe in ...

CapaxInfiniti - May 30th, 2009 11:55 PM
[Original Comment]

Unfortunately, I can't say I believe in prayer. I was raised a Catholic and attend Catholic school up until high school, but I seem to lack all faith in the God figure I was taught was there. To be so truthful, I am not certain as to what I believe, I've been attempting to figure that one out for a while now. Everything happens for a reason, that I do believe fully. As to what said reason is or what caused said reason is still a mystery to me. All the points you've mentioned have already run through my mind and weigh heavily on my fears. I've spent the past two days in tears whenever the thought crosses my mind. What if this really is my only chance? The fiancee doesn't seem to believe so. I would love to fill my home with the laughter of children. I am terrified that if this is the decision we make then I will walk away loathing myself after. Do I think I can do it... I'm not so sure. This is by far the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I want to make the right decision, but how can I do that if I don't know which is the right one? I don't want to risk giving my child the hell of a life that I had, I don't want to throw away what could be my only chance for a family and finish my life in self loathing, and I simply don't have the strength to hand over a piece of me to someone else to raise. I refuse to be my mother... I seem to be caught within a catch 22, every option has a potentially terrible consequence.


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