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I understand precisely what you mean about harboring the desire for children at such a young age. I've nursed such a desire for multiple years myself, though this was far from intended. Do I think I am ready? I've asked myself that many times. I want to believe I'm ready for I've spent many years helping my sister raise her five children of various age, but am I really ready? Is anyone ever ready? I told the fiancee this afternoon after I got off of work. A decision hasn't been made per se. Adoption just isn't an solution for me personally. My uncle adopted me when I was five and I hold nothing against adoption itself, rather I could not sustain another life within me for roughly forty weeks without becoming severely attached. I am far from strong enough to hand my baby over. I want nothing more than to keep it, but the fiancee isn't as financially fit as he would like to be. He's the typical Italian, driven to provide ample for him family which is a great quality. He is a few credits short of his Ph.D to land the full time professeur position at the college which starts at amazing salary. He does more than well enough teaching there part-time and being the computer nerd that he is, he is always picking up odd and end side jobs fixing this or that device. He feels that at this particular moment, abortion is our best and perhaps only option. He doesn't want to not be able to provide. I was told that had he already landed his full time position everything would be different. I understand that the decision is mine, being my body and all, but I am no longer one person. I've committed myself to him and thus whatever affects one affects the other. I just... don't know... My head is filled with too much to even breathe properly. The saddening look on his face is terrible. He feels so bad and so helpless, and I don't know how to help him. He wants nothing more than to have children with me, but in a time more suiting. I just can't think straight... I don't want to make the wrong decision and forever hate myself for it. My apologies for the novel... I just can't seem to work it out in my head.

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