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Jeanette84- My husband and I have a long, long past. I feel sorry for the man, for he does not understand why I can't forget the past and move on. When I was prego with my son we were really young. We were forced to marry, and it wasn't good. I went through everything alone, and was sent into labor early w/all the shit he put me through. My son and I almost died at this hospital, od'd and sent to the nearest ICU. He went to the hospital with us, but left me alone in the room the entire time until he was ready to leave. My father didn't come to see me, he called and said good bye. Keep in mind, I didn't know I was literally on my death bed at that time, so was confused to why everyone was praying and crying. The doc came in the room, put his hand on my leg, looked at my mother in law and said "There's nothing we can do for mom, but we're pulling for the baby". I asked, "WHAT??!!" The doc was shocked I understood him, and let me in on what was going on. I thought for sure that'd change my husband, that he'd see how fragile life is. But upon returning home (alive, with baby still well in the womb), I kept getting drunk phone calls and had to pick him up from g/f's homes. :( I finally gave up and called a divorce when the drugs came in to play. I told him he had a choice, sex drugs and drinking, or wife and baby.....well, he chose the first one. So for seven years I'd only hear from him once in a while, 'bout every two years, he'd call crying his eyes out saying how sorry he was and he wishes he could change things. I'd ignore the calls, figured it was drunken babble. I was hurt that the only calls ever made were to me, and never his son. My son had countless nights crying, he knew his father had a daughter, and couldn't understand why daddy loved her and not him. That past is a hard past to forgive, let alone forget. Thing is, people are wrong, it's never too late to try..and he got his life half together and started to take interest in not only his son, but me. For months I tried to warn him that one screw up would remind me of the past and send me away, he said he understood....but continues to make me feel alone, again, even after saying that he wants another child. Once we finally did get prego, he said "We can't afford this". :( Broke my heart. For who on earth can REALLY afford a child? Until that child is in the picture, it's never truelly finacially planned for. People always find a way, and we are in no way helpless, he has a good job, and though it might be tight now, our future is set. Bless his heart, our fights can be nasty, and with all this confusion mixed in with hormones, I am not the person he knows. I'm off my wagon, but he stands by me. He wants help for the lack of emotional support. He's been through a lot since our first marriage, and learned to be numb. Atleast he can recognize it, right? I love the man, I've loved him since I was 10 years old, and wont give up on this. People struggle, people hurt, people change, but when you know them for that long, you know if it's real or not in loving them. We have a lifetime to figure this out. The past eight years have literally put us both through hell, if you can survive that, and still love eachother more than ever, I say, that's real. He doesn't understand my pain, and that's fine. Let's face it ladies, men will never truely know what pain is, they don't m/c, they don't carry babies, and they don't go through labor. How could they possibly understand something they will never endure? Anyway, I went to the doc yesterday, we can't explain the reason for the pain. We did ALL the testing, it's not a tubal, it's not an infection, it's not anything that can be explained. I was sent home on bedrest that I can not get up unless to pee. I am not even to shower today. God, 15 days of this, and now I can't even shower (the one time of day I feel better). Today the pain is very, very slight, I actually got sleep and woke up to a painless pee :). Still bleeding, but the doc says he's really not worried. He said bleeding is always a sign of trying to abort, but bleeding this long leaves him to believe that the baby is in a bad place in the uterus and will move when big enough. The u/s is Tues. morning. Wednesday I will learn if there is a heart beat, or baby. If the u/s shows bad news, a D&C will happen on Friday. The doc didn't fit me in next friday b/c he thinks this baby is fine, and that's why I'm bleeding. But, he said if he's wrong, he will fit me in there first thing in the morning b/c this has already gone on for so long. Weird how his opinion went from pessimistic to optomistic. He told me he thinks I'm thinking the worst possible senerio for no reason. He's a straight forward person, so my heart tells me keep my chin up and pray he is right. My hubby keeps rubbin' my belly saying "it's okay, the baby is fine" I really hope they are right. I check my boobs to make sure they are sore everyday, I know it's funny, but the doc says sore breats, hairy belly, peeing a lot, and emotional are the best signs to have for still being prego. So, next week this nightmare will be over. Keep praying ladies, I think it's helping :). Thanks again for being on this site!!

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