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Hi, there. Tara: hope you are doing all right. I've been thinking about you! This is such a difficult time. I can completely relate to those feelings of failure/shame...and thinking over and over of everything I did that might not have been perfect as a pregnant woman (caffeine, stress, what I ate, etc)...but we know in our heads that those are NOT logical thoughts, right? It is so difficult to live in a society that places such little value on what we've all been through, and barely takes a pause as we grieve. And expects us to do the same. Beth, I've always thought the same thing as your dr. said...it's truly amazing when you think about it. Just know you are both in my thoughts. Cristina, if you're reading...let us know how you are! I'm OK...not sure how to feel. At this point...I have not had any spotting or anything...but don't really have any pregnancy symptoms either. My breasts aren't even sore....so that seems weird. My dr. isn't doing any more hcg level testing...so I wait for my first ob appt. Feb. 10th unless something happens before that. I just don't know what to think. I still think I started off SO low (hcg levels)...and now no pregnancy symptoms. It's sad to be pregnant and not feel happy and optimistic...I just don't know what to do or feel. Both of my prior miscarriages were "missed miscarriages" so I didn't really have any bleeding...they were complete shocks. SO, I feel like maybe I won't know if something happens...b/c before when I miscarried I didn't really bleed or have any other signs. Tara, like you I had really prepared myself after those initial hcg levels that this pregnancy would be loss #3 and I was SURE it was not taking. Now, I just don't know. I'm not letting myself feel to hopeful. I've only told my immediate family and a couple close friends...and even my mom won't speak of it/act like I'm pregnant...like she expects I will miscarry. I just feel very in limbo...and it's frustrating to have no way to KNOW if things are OK.... I feel very out of control. Sorry to ramble on.... I appreciate having this forum also. It has been very helpful and I appreciate both of you so much. I hope you will stay in touch! 

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