Pregnant And So Confused With Adoption Agency

29 Replies
birthmotherMO - October 20

Hello, I am working with an adoption agency located in Utah (I live in MO) and feel so pressured and scared by the staff at this agency. I left the father of my baby with nothing but the clothes on my back and trying my hardest to get through this difficult situation.. I am 100 percent sure that I want place my beautiful baby up for adoption, so that I can give this little person a life that I cannot provide.. but I am having second thoughts about the company I am working with. The agency wants to fly me out to Utah (with my 2 other children) and I will live there until I give birth (january 10th). The problem is, they wont even let me see any of the adopting families until I get out there. I *need* the comfort of knowing that there is a family out there that is perfect for this baby.. I feel like they just want to rush me out there without answering any of my questions!! I have also read some reviews from other birthmoms that say that once you get out there, they treat you like you are a burden.. Is there any other birthmoms out there who arranged a private adoption on thier own? I would also consider talking to parents looking to adopt.. Thanks for letting me vent~


keitht66 - October 20

Hi again - I replied to you on your other post as well. In my opinion what your agency is doing is "not okay" - as the mother you should have total control over the adoption and the family you choose. We are in NY and are working with a wonderful agency called Forever Families Through Adoption Inc. They have a list of waiting families of which we are one of. There are also many other parent profiles on line that you can look at. You should not have to fly to them. Adoptive parents should be flying to where you are. You are abolutely right to "vent." Wishing you the best of luck finding parents for your child. I hope you will give us a call. We are a fun loving, spiritual, stable, loving same s_x couple who cannot wait to be parents. Prayers go out to you that you find the perfect match with someone. Keith and Cory


birthmotherMO - October 20

Hello Keith and Cory, Thanks for responding to my post! I am just now starting to get back to all the kind responses I have recieved since my original post.. I totally agree with you about how my current agency is not acting "okay" with my needs.. but I am kind of backed into a corner with my situation. I originally started working with them because they offer housing when the birthmother reaches 26 weeks.. with my situation, this sounded very appealing because when I left the father of my baby, I literally left with the clothes on my back and my 2 children. I have filled out soo much paperwork and forwarded all my medical records etc.. giving this agency so much time and info about me and my life, but I feel like they rush me off the phone when I have questions.. they are only interested in helping me when I get up there~ I am so scared.. I cry about this EVERY day! I am so unsure about what is going to happen to my 2 kids and I when we get up there.. and to make matters worse, I read some bad reviews about the agency from a few birth moms! I feel like I am just another paycheck for them. I am so terrified! I am past 26 weeks and they want me up there ASAP.. I told them I will be coming the first week of November, and thought I would give it one last chance to see if a miracle happens. Right now I am sleeping in a family member's living room with my 2 kids who have been through absolute HELL this last year.. sorry to vent, just thought I should explain why I am going through this agency seeing that I am also complaining about them at the same time. I would love to take a look at your family and would be open to the idea of adopting to a same-s_x couple.. Thanks again for responding! Jenna


keitht66 - October 20

I can see why you would feel backed in a corner given the situation. Some states allow for pre-adoptive parents to a__sist with things like rent, food utilities etc... I know for example NY allows for pre-adoptive financial a__sistance 2 months prior to giving birth and one month after birth. If you are really not comfortable you need to explore some other agencies to see what is allowed. Im not sure what rent is like where you're at but you may be able to get your own place with help from adoptive parents you choose. What happens after you give birth if you go to Utah? you can look at our website which also gives our agency info at double u double u double u dot cory and keith adopt dot com There are tons of families out there that can legally a__sist you to stay in your home town close to your family. Keith and Cory


keitht66 - October 20

Also - just in case - you can call Forever Families Through Adopton Inc at toll free 866-922-3678


birthmotherMO - October 20

Hi Cory and Keith, Thanks for all the info! I will totally call Forever Families and check them out. To answer your question about what will happen after I give birth, they said as soon as the adoption papers are signed, I will get financial a__sistance for 6 weeks after the adoption goes through. I just really don't want to move to Utah! Thanks for all the kind words and the info on forever families! Jenna


searching - October 22

Hi Jenna. I hope I'm not too late. We are from Illinois and would love to see if there is anything we could do to help you in your situation. We are merried couple hoping to adopt, we are working with Catholic Charities in Chicago - they have a wonderful adoption program. Feel free to call me any time at 7084158509 that is my cell. If I don't answer I may be at work, so please leave a message. Hope to hear from you. Good luck and God bless you and your children. Jana.


lfsgd - November 2

Jenna, First and foremost, you are an amazing, courageous woman to consider adoption for your unborn child. As a Missouri resident myself, let me remind you that unless you have “signed paperwork” with the adoption attorney in Utah there is nothing legally binding you to them. Missouri law specifically states that there MUST be a child BORN before adoption paperwork can be drawn up. I am not familiar with Utah law but none-the-less, it just “doesn’t sound right.” If you don’t feel comfortable with what is happening, listen to God’s whisper and do what feels right with your heart. Adoption is about you and your baby and honestly, you can find your adoptive parents without an attorney. Our attorney in Arkansas has all the adoptive parents on his website. You can read about each one, skim through pictures, reply to their email, or even call them personally with any questions. This eliminates the attorney until YOU decide if you find a couple that you like. There is absolutely no reason why you can’t start bonding NOW with the couple that is going to raise your baby. The attorney, whom is paid by the adoptive parents, is there when you need him but adoption should not be about the attorney! Our attorney prides himself in birthmothers having relationships with adoptive families and taking care of birthmothers during and after pregnancy (living allowance, etc) and that sounds like what you need immediately! arkansasadoptionservices dot com/adopting-couples.html Jenna, you are overwhelmed and it’s unfortunate that someone is making this difficult for you. I would encourage you to talk with a social worker in your area--I know a great one in Southwest Missouri if you’re interested. Get some insight on what’s best for you and your baby from a neutral perspective. I pray that God will lead you to the family that is the perfect match and that you will have a peace in your heart that your child is in a family that loves them deeply and that you loved them enough to place them there. Thoughts are with you, Michele


mercyme - November 5

I just saw your post dated Nov 2, I pray that you find the family you are looking for if youbhaven't found the ideal family yet we would be intrested in learning what you are looking for in an adoptive family. I understand your hesitation in dealing with the utah agency because we had a not so great expierence with a agency there. Blessings too you


wish2btlc - November 7

Let me tell you that if you feel pressured and confused dealing with the agency then you might want to look into finding an adoptive family on your own. I know my husband and I were so confused and stuff when we were talking to several agencies about adopting...and I have yet to find a child to adopt. Being in Arkansas it is a tough thing to try and do especially with my husband being military! If you need to talk or just want to vent feel free to email me my email is wish2btlc at


WaitingForABlessing - November 18

Hi Jenna, Wow, I am so sorry that your going through this. We are adoptive parents and started the adoption process almost a year ago and we dealt with a few agencies first and experienced some of the same issues. We chose Private Domestic Adoption (no agency) because of all this and we feel like they are baby brokers taking advantage of everyone involved. I think that you know in your heart that they are not doing right by you or your children and that it is very wrong of them to ask you to pack up and move to another state without even knowing anyone or having met any of these families. It's fairly obvious that you truly love your children and that you are doing what you know you have to do to make sure everyone is ok, and this agency is doing what they want to do to make sure they make their profit. But most importantly in my book, they want YOU to pack everything up and move to another state to meet families that you know nothing about but your expected to pick a family quickly but this is not how it should be, we, the adoptive families should have to travel to YOU not you to US. This is honestly the first time we have ever heard of such a thing. There is no reason you should have to uproot your family and move to a state where you know noone and you have no idea how you will get back to where want to be after giving birth. The whole situation just screams this is wrong! I would love to talk more with you and no matter what happens or what you choose I will give you any support you need. You should not have to go through all of this by yourself. So, if you need a shoulder to lean on or just need to vent, I will be here. It would be a lie if I didn't say I hope you consider us, but, whatever path you choose and whoever you choose should be the right choice for you and your children. They should know that you are right for them, and you should know they are right for you and your children no matter what. I hope to hear from you either way and listen to your heart in this situation. You know what has to be done and what decisions you will be faced with, but listen to you heart because it will not steer you wrong when it comes to this. If you know it's wrong and doesn't feel right, then its probably not. Either way you have a friend here that will be there. If you want to talk with me and get to know me and my hubby a lil better or if you just want to talk please feel free to contact me whenever you need too. My e mail is countrylivin1972 at aol dot com. I hope we talk soon. Please take care of yourself and remember if it feels wrong it probably is. Agencies are not the only option, but if you are deadset on an agency please find another one because this one is not right.


Hutchingsjill - December 23

We have friends who have adopted through that agency but I've always wondered how it works out for the birth mother. Sorry for your difficult circ_mstances. My family and I live in Utah and we were going to start the adoption process in March through LDS services. They have great resources for birth parents you may want to check them out. Like I said we do not have an agency at the moment, but would possibly be open to a private adoption if the circ_mstances were right for everyone. To be honest I have never even commented on a thread like this or spoken with a birthmom before. Lately we have been feeling our heart strings pulled towards adoption, and to confirm our feelings further our trying to conceive has not panned out. We are just trying to follow our hearts and do what we feel the Lord is wanting us to do. I have two blogs if you would like to check them out. There is nothing about us adopting on them but I think they give a good glimpse into our little life. Hope all works out well for you and your little ones. -Jill hutchingshome(dot)blogspot(dot)Com Thebirdandtheberry(dot)blogspot(dot)com Oh, I also wanted to offer that if you find yourself in UTAH and need some help etc feel free to contact me. I live in Salt Lake City so I am close to pretty much everything. You can contact me through my blogs that I posted earlier. I know I am a stranger, but if it would help to not make you feel completely stranded if you end up out here you can seriously contact me. 801.386.2799


krod2311 - January 22

Hello my name is karina and my husband's name is heles we are a married couple in FL we are financially stable and we have not been able to have kids of our own for the past 3 years. I am really hoping this is a chance that we get to start our own family. Please contact me krod2311 at gmail dot com. This would be the biggest blessing of my life.


amandasheets - August 10

hello if you still have not found the right family i would like to speak to you i like in Joplin MO and we could handle this with my lawyer so pleae if your still looking let me know thankyou and Godbless


faronsmom - August 30

My husband and I are also interested. We have been TTC for 2 years now and found out I am infertile and i started ferility medication and I became pregnant but it ended in a miscarriage so we have been looking into adoption ever since. We are in the U.S. wantoadopt at gmail dot com


MandD123 - September 1

the original date on this post was October 20th, 2011 3:39 PM.................


faronsmom - September 4

We know.


Unfortunately, due to the fact that many people have been using this forum to essentially try to "buy" or "sell" babies we have decided not to permit any more posts to this area of the site

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