Tell Me It Gets Easier

11 Replies
Heidi - October 23

My daugher isn't even 2 wks old yet and I already don't want to go back to work. I went from loving my job to not wanting to take maternity leave or have a baby to just adoring her and hating the thought of going to work. I'm off till January 2nd and I just tear up thinking about leaving her. I work 40 hours a week and she'll be in daycare about 38-39 hours and my daycare is right next door to my house and I only work 2 minutes from my house so you'd think that would help me feel better about returning to work but it doesn't. Is this a common baby blues? Will it get easier to accept as she gets older and closer to my return date to work? I don't do much during the day except clean and putz around the house or go visiting family but this doesn't seem boring to me at all. I've been at the same place for 6.5 years and make really good money and really can't afford to quit but I was offered to do full-time transcription at home that I've been doing p-t for the last 4 years for almost the same pay but I have to pay in all the taxes myself but I can write stuff off too and be at home with my daughter. I don't plan on having anymore children, the DH got fixed already, so maybe I should just tough it out till she starts school cus I'll be making even more money by then. It's just so hard to think about. I hope the decision gets easier and I'm just at the major bonding phase with my new baby. Boo hoo! Damn hormones!


Laurie - December 6

It is a hard decision anyway you look at it. I have great job too that made it very difficult to go back to, but you'll find your little one will love daycare and all the kids there. It is a decision that will come in time and I think that is very normal to think about leaving your new baby. My daughter is almost 3 and when I have a bad day at work I just want to quit, but it always turns around the next day. Good luck to you and you'll find a way to balance it out and if it becomes to much then you will know you have to change something.


Shell - December 7

If you have to work to live, you have to work, don't beat yourself up. It is such a bonus that your day care is close to work - you can take your breaks there and your lunch hour.. and you have no commute time. I was DREADING going back to work even though I loved my job and studied for a long time to get qualified...and when I first went back I cried for 2 days but you know what? I started to enjoy it. My son enjoys day care and is learning a lot.. I spent every second with him in the afternoons and on the weekends and I am not one of those parents who ever wants a break from the kids. I can't imagine now not working. Although I will say that I would love to work part-time if my job allowed. 3 days per week would be perfect...


Jeannie - December 7

If you don't have to go back, don't. I do daycare in my home so that I can stay home with my son. It breaks my heart when the parents come to pick up their kids. Most of them don't want to leave. They don't even stop playing when their parent comes to pick them up. They think I'm their mom. They call me mommy and spend more time with me than with their parents. The parents see this as a good sign. They're glad that they've found someone that makes their child so happy. I just can't see it that way. The time they do spend with their parents is what I call "rush" time. Getting ready to go in the morning, getting dinner ready, and getting ready for bed. They only have weekend relationships with their parents. I really do love these kids, and I wish they could spend more time having a relationship with their parents. Remember that you can always start work again when your child starts school. Work will always be there, but your child will not always be small. If you must go back to work, here are some tips: Get to daycare early and play for a while before you leave. Spend your lunch at the daycare. Don't just swoop in for pick up spend time there to help your child make the transition. Choose a daycare close to your work, not close to your home. Leave a large picture of you at the daycare to post on a wall where your child will see it often. Call from work to talk to your child throughout the day.


Heidi - December 9

Jeannie, thanks for the advice. I'm really glad to hear from someone on the other side of all this. Since I posted this I cancelled my daycare provider because of some bad things I've seen and heard (since I'm right next door) and I've just been sick to my stomach thinking about taking her there when I return to work so I cancelled my spot. Here's some things that bothered me. One, she's my friend and I don't consider her that great of a friend but I felt like I had to take her there because she was. I went over there last month to visit and she had flies in her house and she wouldn't even bother to kill them while they landed on me and my newborn. It totally grossed me out and it was winter! Where'd the flies come from! Then she's been lecturing me since I got pg that I shouldn't get my baby used to being rocked or held to fall asleep because she wouldn't be able to do that every day. That really bothered me. I can see when she gets a little older but come on! She's only going to be 3 months old! Then I mentioned dropping by at lunch to nurse her and she's like, I can't have you dropping in to b___stfeed every day! Hmmm....why not??? Then my other neighbor who takes her 3 year old there came over and was telling me some things she was noticing lately and she's decided to pull her kid out too. That just backed up my fears and I decided to cancel. Now I can't find anyone to take Emma so I don't know if I'll even be able to go back to work. I was offered to work at home doing transcription full-time making close to the same wage but I'd be my own business. I've been doing this part time on the side for 4 years now and it's easy work for me and I could be home with Emma at least. Jeannie described how I feel to a T. Like I'd just be cramming in the time and attention to my daughter when I get home and I don't want her thinking this lady who takes care of her all day is mom. Like my one friend, her son calls her daycare lady "mom". That's gotta hurt!!!!! She's my only child as my DH got fixed when I was pg so she's my one and only and I really want to cherish every minute of it and I don't want to hear someone tell me how she first rolled over and I missed it or said her first word or hugged her and not me. Ugh!!!


Confused - December 9

Unfortunately, not all parents have the choice to be full-time homemakers, or to work from their home. As much as can be done to make those accomodations, though, I think is best. Unfortunately, day care is often nearly, or equal to, or in some cases more than, what you might bring home, if you work full-time outside the home. Keeping that in mind, aside from the emotional aspects of putting a child in day care, it's worth trying to come up with creative ways to get the best of both worlds. For instance, Heidi, you mentioned working from home as a transcriptionist. Go for it! You may have to pay your own taxes, but it should offset the cost of daycare. Other things to a either a full-time or part-time second or third shift, so that hubby can watch the children while you're out. I know of a woman who's a nurse and works roughly three nights a week. She trades child care duties with her husband.


Heidi - December 9

Yes basically what I'd lose in pay wouldn't matter as that's what I would be paying in daycare anyway. It's very tempting. Plus the benefit of being home with my daughter is worth every penny. I don't think daycare is a bad thing. I'm just having problems letting her go!!!


Jeanne - December 11

Heidi, don;t beat yourself up about things that make you a good mom. Try out the work at home plan. If it doesn't work out, you can always go back to work. Think of other ways that you can save mone besides daycare costs. After doing the math you may find that you are ahead of where you were before. Your baby will only be going through these stages of development once. Enjoy watching them. Have fun. You can do it!


C - December 30

Well I didn't have the choice to stay at home and yes it was very hard at first. My sister watched him for the first 6 months so I think that helped. Now my really good friend watches him becasue I still am not ready to take him to daycare. Is it too late for you to take the additional 6 weeks unpaid FMLA? At least that way you could see how hard it would be without the income. I would just tell your employer that you aren't quite ready to drop her off at a daycare yet. Honestly, if my sister hadn't watched him, I may have quit my job. They are just so fragile at 6 weeks in my opinion. Not that I think anything would happen but I would sit at my desk all day worried about him.


Heidi - December 30

Well I'm going back to work on the 17th. Emma will be 14 wks old by then. I've been getting better about my decision. Originally my friend who runs daycare next door was going to take her but I had bad feelings about her caring for Emma so I went with my gut feeling and found another daycare in town. It was a big weight off my shoulders. I know it's going to be hard but financially I have to :(


Shell - January 3

To Heidi, Don't freak it, I was freaking out when I went back to work at 12wks. I cried for the first 2 days after I dropped bubby off and then I realised I was actually enjoying the "me time". Also, he loves day care, learns a lot. If you have to work, the important thing is to find a job that has reasonable working hours and reasonable employers who don't treat you badly because you are a mum. Good luck.


Heidi - January 4

Thanks Shell, I met her daycare mom today and when I left I bawled all the way home!!! I just felt so bad seeing someone else hold her and her looking at me with those little blue eyes like, what's going on mom? I'm going to take her there a few hours next week to get her used to it and then the week after I go back full time. It just sucks but like you said, I have good hours. I'll drop her off at 7:30 and DH picks her up right after 3:00 and I get home at 3:30 so I'll get to spend a lot of time with her still and we get tons of paid sick and vacation time along with every stupid holiday out there so I told her that she'll probably be making some free money off me cus I'll pull her out on those days even if I have to keep paying her. My boss knows how hard this is for me too and he's really flexible if something came up and she's only a few blocks away from where I'm working so it's not like I can't run over there if I need to. It still sucks though. I'm sure I'll bawl my eyes out at work. My friends said they all did too and one even threw up a couple times she was so upset! That'll be me...



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