Am I Selfish

10 Replies
kendall - October 6

I am 23 and have a 20 month old daughter and a 5.5 month old son. Me and my b/f have been together for 4 years and do want more babies. I just want them before I am 30. I want 5 kids and I don't want them to be far apart, me and my brother were 4 years apart and to me that was too far. I love being pregnant, even though I had a rough pregnancy with my son, and I have had 2 c-sections. My b/f says that he doesn't want more for a long time, around 30, because of what I went through with my pregnancies. I would do anything for my babies, and being uncomfortable is something I will do for them over and over again. Let me know what you think. Thanks.


sarah21 - October 10

I think you should take his opinion into consideration. It has to be hard on him to watch you go through complications and major surgeries to get your babies. I understand your side of it, too-- a lot of women like to have children really close together. Maybe you should let him recuperate a bit from this and talk about his fears (if he will) or at least let the subject rest for a little while and bring it up once he has a chance to forget a bit of the trauma.


reedane - October 11

i think both of you need to agree, as its his decision, just as much as its yours. Children is something that you need to discuss constantly as to me its the meaning of life. I think that you both need to talk about it properly. For examply my partner and I are pregnant with our first, i am 23 and he is 28, and we have agreed i want 3-4 kids before i am 30. So we have an action place in plan to have a child ever 2 years. :)


tish212 - October 11

I wouldn't say ur want is selfish.... however since u 2 r in a partnership both need to agree. I can understand his side as well... seeing ur difficulties in pregnancy scares and worries him u 2 need to sit down and talk this decisions this important often don't get officially made in one sit down... so give him time it will all work out in the end :) give ur lil ones big hugs I bet they r just adorable!


KooKoo - November 13

I I I I I I. When you can replace them with we we we we we we then maybe you are ready


kendall - November 14

I didn't ask if I was ready, and if we agreed 100%, I would not be here. Did you read it or just skim it? I am the one that wa pregnant, I felt the pain of being pregnant, not him, he just saw how I was feeling. What I posted, was my point of view obviously not his....


KooKoo - November 15

So what the hell are you asking then? "Let me know what you think" - well people did, and the general feeling seems to be you are being selfish (which WAS your original question). If he doesnt want a kid yet, then what right of you got to question it? Another one too obsessed with breeding to care about anyone else.


kendall - November 16

I did not have a problem with anyone elses answer but yours, you came across RUDE, they simply let me know what they thought of how I felt. You no nothing about me and what I think or want other than we BOTH want more kids. We already have 2 so as far as your comment about him not wanting a kid yet, he does not have a choice in that, but yeah he does have a choice with future kids that we'll have, and that is why I brought this question here, I knew he didnt want more kids for a while but I do and since I knew that my main question was, is it selfish of me to even bring it up. You should think of how you respond to someone so that you dont come off the way you did....VERY RUDE


KooKoo - November 19

Well first off I did read that you already have kids, I was meaning ANOTHER child as in your words "he doesn't want more for a long time". I never said he didnt want anymore, the operative word here being "YET". I do not find my answer rude. You asked if you were being "selfish" and for people to let you know what they think. The meaning by my post is that I could only see "I".. "I just want them before I am 30" "I don't want them to be far apart". What I was meaning that when a couple are BOTH ready for kids, then it should be saying "WE want them before WE are 30" "WE dont want them to be far apart". So in my opinion, it is a little selfish if he doesnt want more yet, although there may have to compromise, as it isnt all about what he wants either. I apologise for some of my rudeness in the last message.


Mommy in Progress - November 20

I am sorry for the abuse that you seem to have experienced on this forum. I have so much sympathy for you, I've been wanting to start trying for a family for over a year, but my husband only recently declared himself to be ready. I waited, (sometimes impatiently), but did so because this is a major decision for both of us. And I don't think a first or third baby makes a difference in your frustration, if you want a baby (or another baby), you can think of little else. Good luck!


kendall - November 21

thank you, Mommy in Progress, finally someone that understands. As a woman we have different wants than men do, and I don't think that there is anything wrong with that. Good luck to you and keep me posted on how things go, I am actually going to be testing within the next few days....oh, have you gone to ivillage forums before? I am there a lot and there is a lot of help and support there too. my name there is momma22007, hope to see you there...



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