From A New Teen Mom

13 Replies
kayla_shauntel_05 - June 15

I just had a beautiful baby girl 20 days ago. I am 18 and her father was 16 when she was born, then turned 17 a few days later. I am not working, but a full time college student, and my soon-to-be husband, her father, works a full time job. He dropped out of school and got his GED, I did not want him to do this, but he would have never graduated anyway, his grades were horrible. He got his GED as soon as he got out of school. He wanted to. Anyways.......I just want to say, when people tell you that you should wait until you are more mature, or even older to have children, they are so right! I love my baby girl to death, but sometimes I feel like I was not ready to be a mom. I will admit that my daughter was, in a way, intentionally conceived. I used to work a full time job and made very good money, I graduated when I was barely 17. When I got pregnant, I lost my job, and went from being completely self sufficient to depending on my fiance to completely provide for me. He is making my car payment on a 2005 grand am, paying my full coverage insurance, my cell phone bill, and everything else. This pregnancy was HARD on our relationship. Sometimes I wonder how we made it through, but we did. Now, when I am up at 2 in the morning comforting a fussy newborn I wonder how am I going to do this when I go back to college and work? When am I going to have time to spend with my fiance? How are we going to pay for this and that? That type of thing. I know what is meant when they say it takes a strong person to be a mom and love someone lese more than you love yourself now. I get so tired and frustrated sometimes. I take care of the baby almost completely by myself. My fiance will play with her or maybe even feed her or change her once in a while, but he is not mr. mom by any meeds. I am her sole caregiver, and I feel like an awful mom. I feel like my impatience makes me that way. Sometimes, when she is screaming and I am here by myself, I lay her in her crib and go in my room, shut my door, and cry....... I just cant take it sometimes. It is getting better, but it was so hard at first. Please tell me I am not the only one who has ever felt that way. Anyway, teenage girls need to listen when someone tells you to wait to have children. Teenagers do not have the patience and maturity that an adult does...........believe me, I am finding this out the hard way. It does get better, but it is so hard at first. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing things the right way, and if I will be a good mom. I hope so, I am trying very very hard.

 

kayla_shauntel_05 - June 15

sorry for my poor typing. i was holding my daughter and trying to type one handed....

 

kayla_shauntel_05 - June 15

Please, any young mothers, do take this to be offensive in any way. I am a teen mother, and the daughter of a teen mother. My mother was a great mom, and I know teen mothers can be great moms first handed. She was 18 when she had me as well. I asked her one time if she wished she had waited and she told me she would have still had me, but waited a little longer so that she could have given me everything I ever wanted, not just what I needed.

 

Jodie86 - June 16

I kinda know what you mean! I'm 20, and pregnant, i love my baby with all my heart already, but i'm so worried about how were going to do this sometimes. I think unless you really want it, out of school, and stable then fine, but if your still in school, no money, living with parents etc, then it's going to be a lot harder than you think! I have an incredibly supportive boyfriend and family, and we both work, use to our lifestyle etc, but now, we have to pay an extra £150 to rent a 2 bedroom house, to afford this, were changing our lifestyle, not going out with friends etc.... which we don't mind....all i'm trying to say is i know everyone says 'i'll love my baby so much, thats all that matters' well, it doesn't! I love my baby with as much of my heart as i could! But not knowing how were going to afford to buy all the things it will need, how we'll cope if it has a disability is the hard thing! My boyfriend is perfect, and getting 2/3 jobs to support us when my pay goes down when im on maternity leave, but that means i'll be on my own with the baby, and we won't be able to spend as much time together as a family because his working his socks off to keep a roof over our heads! He proposed to me just before we found out, but now can't afford to get married! We booked our first holiday together which we were due to go on in a cuople of months, but had to cancel because we can't afford it! I just think people need to seriously think before they plan on having a baby so young! Again, i love my baby so much! Me and dp cried when we saw it yesterday for the first time, but we still have the worry of money etc. If we'd of done this 5 years time, we'd of been able to of gotten the big nursery, buy all it's things brand new! Have savings behind us, still manage to go on our holiday etc! I'm not saying people that have children young is bad, i mean i'm doing it! I'm just saying that sometimes you need to think with your head instead of your heart!

 

kayla_shauntel_05 - June 16

I understand completely. I wish i would have waited so I could give my daughter more of the things she will want, not just what she needs.

 

Jodie86 - June 19

Kayla, congrats on your baby girl! I can't wait to meet mine!

 

Bonnie - June 19

Kayla, wow that was a very powerful statement! First of all I want to comment on something you said.........I am 35 and had my son Maosn in January. Mason developed a bad reflux problem (I had never even heard of it until he got it) which left him absolutely screaming for 10+ hours non-stop. He was sleeping ledd than 7 hours in a 24 hour period and did nothing but scream. It took over 2 months to get doctors to help and take it serious. Now, thankfully, he is doing better. I still do not know how we made it through that. You mentioned you felt like a bad mother for putting your child down when she cries...I just want to point out (as an older person) that I do not in anyway think it is bad that you do that. When a baby is crying like crazy and you cannot stop it and it has been going on for hours, you reach a point where you need to put the baby down and walk away for your own sanity. As long as she is safe it won't hurt her for you to put her down for 15 minutes while you leave the room and just breath. Nor will it hurt her if she sits in a bouncy seat nearby for 30 minutes or so while you shower and eat. I felt such guilt that Mason was in pain and I could not stop it and I didn't have the heart to not hold him when he was hurting. After both his doctors and my doctors constantly telling me I needed to, I finally learned to put him down. Babies can also pick up on when you are overly stressed. Obviuosly no one should just put their kid down and let them screma for hours, but a 15-30 minute break a couple times a day I think does a lot of good. There would be a lot less shaken babies in the world of mother's learned that it is okay to take a small sanity break. :) So please do not feel bad about that. It sounds like you definately do have a rough time ahead but I am sur eyou will manage to get through it just fine! It's only been 20 days and I honestly found the first 3 months to be incerdibly tough, so know that it will get better. I appreciate you writing this post though. I think more teens really need to stop and think about what they will be getting into. Nothing (no matter what your age) prepares you for a newborn. You just don;t know what you are gonna get, KWIM? You might get lucky and have an easy-going baby. Or you might get a high-maintenence baby or a baby with health issues. .............. Kayla, I think you will be a very good mom simply for the fact that you are so concerned about it. If you were a bad mom you would not care. ;) Hang in there!

 

Bonnie - June 19

Please pardon my typos!

 

kayla_shauntel_05 - June 19

Thanks for the reply. It is nice to hear something good from older women, not that I ruined my life or will never amount to anything. I wish more teens would understand how hard it is before they get pregnant, but many of them do a d__n good job considering their circ_mstances. Things are getting easier because I am getting a little more rest and her crying doesn't upset me as much now. I guess you just get used to having to care for someone else 24 hours a day before you care for yourself.

 

Mommy - June 19

Kayla, you sound like a very responsble parent. I'm glad you posted this, I think it's important that teens like us try to give advice to other teens who WANT to get pregnant so we can give them realistic advice without bashing them. Worrying about whether or not you will be a good parent is a big part of parenting. I still worry and my kids are 1 and 2. The only thing that changes as time goes on is what you worry about. Newborn you worry about SIDS, baby you worry about them choking on something, toddler you worry about them falling down and breaking a bone or needing st_tches, little kid you worry about bullies, teen you worry about friends, drugs and s_x, and adults you start worrying about financial situations for them or your grandkids so it starts all over. You sound like a very responsible person and a good mother, as well. Keep up the good work and congrats on your baby girl.

 

Patrina - June 19

My older sister is 19 and pregnant. she has 3 more months to go. While her and her fiancee are VERY excited, she worries that they won't have enough money for everything they want as well. I know she's nervous, although she says she isn't. her fiancee is very supportive, and so is his family. I know somewhat of what youre feeling, only by listening to what my sister has to say. we are all very excited, and although I haven't said it to her, i know that she will have a rough time at first, but me and my family will be there every step of the way helping her. and i'm sure you'll be fine too. you sound like a good mother. and i'm glad that you have enough courage to stand up and admit that you are going through a hard time, and not just be ignorant and deny that sometimes you can't handle your daughter.

 

kayla_shauntel_05 - June 19

Well, I went to the doctor because I was crying uncontrollabyl and found out that I was suffering from post partum depression. Just talking to someone about it and knowing what is wrong has made it so much better. He offered to give me medication, but I refuse to take it. He said he thinks I will be fine, just to get plenty of rest and take a break.

 

Bonnie - June 20

I am glad you are feeling better Kayla. Don't be afraid to take those meds if you need them. I most certainly did while Mason was dealing with the reflux pain. I really needed something to help me keep control. Now that he is better I am off. ;)

 

kayla_shauntel_05 - June 20

Things really are so much better now. I am finally able to fall in love with my daughter and bond with her the way I want to. I think when my milk dried u p and I was unable to b___stfeed that set off my depression. I felt like a failure, that I did something wrong because I was not able to b___stfeed. I really wanted to because I know a lot of teen moms dont, but I wanted the bonding time with my daughter. I enjoy bottle feeding her too though because the way she looks at me. When she cries now I can just pick her up and she stops. She interacts with me more which helps me fight the PPD. I wont take the medications because I know I can get over this on my own. I am able to handle her fits better now that I actually got some sleep!

 

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