Please Really Need Someone To Talk To

16 Replies
Hailey - December 7

I'm 18, almost 19 years old. I'm now a freshmen in college, and I've been with my boyfriend since our junior year (almost 2 yrs now). Things are pretty serious between us - we've talked a lot about marriage, and i could really see us getting married and being so happy together in the future. But....here's the catch. He doesn't want us to be really involved with my family. He doesn't get along with my dad....and it really hurts me to see that. I love my parents and want them to be involved in my life and the life of my future family. I want to stay close to home, and my bf wants to move. What do i do? Everything else in our relationship is so wonderful - i dont know if i could ever get past giving it up, but i also dont know if i could live with knowing how i gave up my family. He's stubborn with his decision on this...so i dont know what i should do. Please give ANY advice....i would really appreciate it!!!

 

Lisa - December 7

Hey, wow this is quite a issue. I am 21 years old married and almost 11 weeks pregnant. My family adores my husband. Have you ever talked to your dad about his issues with your boyfriend? I can't even remember how many times my dad stayed up with my husband talking about how we are going to afford things and how we deal with our issues. My husband and I are both military and he travels a lot. I couldn't imagine my life without either. Family is forever and maybe your dad and him need a night to talk about what the problem is. They may not like each other but maybe they can get some type of agreement and eventually learn to love each other. They should do this if you are important to them. I know this is not really an answer but an option to maybe get what ever issues there are on the table. Hope this helps

 

E - December 8

It seems that you are a family oriented person and although you see yourselves being happy together I don't think that you could ever truly be happy not being involved with your family. I know I couldn't be. I'm 18, married, and living 8 hours away from home. (because that's where my hubby goes to college) My mom is one of my best friends and believe it or not so is my grandmother! Please don't let love for him blind you and tear you away from your family. I hope you do what's best for you. Good luck!

 

Hailey - December 10

Thank you so much for your advice! *Lisa*, yeah, I really really wish they could work out their issues....but the problem with that is...my dad loves my bf - its my bf who doesnt like him. its a really complicated situation...with his past and everything. i just dont know what to do. sometimes i almost feel like telling him it wont work if my family cant be a part of our lives...and if i'm important enough to him in his life then he will try and come around. but...then i dont know if that's fair...and i dont know what i would do if he decided that he agreed that it wouldnt work. ah...i am so confused and its weighing on my heart every day.

 

Prissanna - December 10

Honestly it sounds like your boyfriend is a controlling person. I don't see happiness in your future with a person like that. Marriage is hard enough without any "extra" problems. You need to speak up now. If you can't get this worked out with your boyfriend then you need to move on. There is a better person out there for you.

 

Bonnie - December 10

I have to agree with Prissanna. My DH does not like my parents, nor do I care for his. But family obligations are what they are and for the sake fo the family we both put aside how we really feel, stick a smile on our face, and do the family thing. IMO, if he is not adult enough to put his feeling for them aside and get along then it won't work out. Neither my DH nor I would be together if we weren;t both willing to be adults about it and do the same. When it comes to family, sometimes ya just gotta do what ya goota do. Good luck!

 

Tos - December 31

My Husband and I had the same problem. He didn't want anything do to with my mom and of course my mom didn't want me to have anything to do with him. But what my husband learned and your boyfriend will have to learn, is that when you marry the person you also marry their family. The way I got through it, is I sat down and had a long talk with my Mom about how much he meant to me and if she could make an effort to get along and then I had the same conversation with my husband, who was my boyfriend at the time. My husband is stubborn too, but I put my foot down and told him that if we were going to have a happy relationship, we would need to fix this. It didn't happen over night and they're by no means best friends now, but at least they get along and I'm happy. It was a two year battle for me. Don't let yourself get caught up in the drama that your boyfriend is putting you through. If he has a problem with your dad, then that's his problem, not yours. He needs to be a man and talk it out with your dad. I hope this helps.

 

Frances - January 4

Hi Haley. I've been married over 7 years, have a 4 year old and was once in your situation. I basically sat everyone down and said "look, I love you all. I am not going to stop seeing anyone here. If y'all don't like each other, you're gonna be pretty miserable for the rest of your lives because you'll be seeing a lot of each other from now on. You can make the best of it, or be miserable. Up to you." That worked pretty well. Our guys just need to understand that they CANNOT seperate us from the people who helped make us who we are. Family is important, especially once you start having children. Stick to your guns girl!!

 

frankschick2001 - January 5

If you love and get along with your parents, but he doesn't that that is a big problem. I say dump this guy! I don't mean to sound like I am telling you what to do, but I can say that love or not, no man is going to seperate me from the people who have known and loved me my whole life. If he loved you, he would deal with your family. I cannot stand my fiance's mother, but you just deal with it. I love him, so I can make those sacrifices. I would never tell him that he can't be around them anymore.

 

Ames - January 5

Hailey This might sound nasty but ... Pick your family! They will always love you and support you, a man can come and go. I was in your situation and my husband didn't want anything to do with my side of the family, we are no longer together and leaving him was the best thing I did in my life. I lived in hell for 3 years because of him. So not worth it. All the best to you Hailey :-)

 

angie - February 20

one thing you have to remember is that boyfriends come and go, but your family will always be there for you through thick and thin.

 

CarrieB - February 24

Hailey- Has your boyfriend had a bad relationship with his father? If that's the case, then that could be the reason he has problems with your father. I married my boyfriend when I was 17 after 3 and a half years of dating. We are still really happy together and enjoy everyday. He didn't like my dad very much at first, but now they are starting to bond better. It may be that he just doesnt trust your dad for some reason. The "future father in law" term is kinda scary to a lot of men. maybe try spending family time with them and and letting them watch sports or something together and let them get used to being around each other. your boyfriend may just need time to adjust to the fact that you guys are talking about getting married and this is his reaction to it.

 

yummy_mummy - March 5

talk to your boyfriend about your dad your father loves you and will want to see you happy im sure they have had their differences but things can always be worked out if both parties are willing to try.If you can get them both out in a place where their is some comfort they can talk and try and repair the relationship its worth a try

 

skinnyminny - April 28

my fiance gets along with them because he forces himself to. He hates coming to christmas, thanksgiving, any of that and he only lives 2 houses away from me and my family. Its rediculous, we get into a fight EVERY HOLIDAY, for the past 3 years. Its crazy. When we have a baby i keep picturing, like, a family get together to welcome the newborn, and i keep picturing him not wanting to show up when it's time to go to my house. I take all types of c___p from his family, and my family is never rude to him. He does show up, and he will tough it out, but i just don't understand why he's so reluctant. I want everybody to get along. They like him. He just doesn't like them. Unlike with me and his family. I don't like them, and most of them don't like me either.

 

frankschick2001 - April 28

skinny: From the way you describe it, I can only predict a lifetime of fighting over this issue. Put an end to the arguing or forget the whole thing. Eventually, he'll start to weild his control over you saying things like "I'm your husband", and expect you to choose him over your family. If your family likes him and is nice to him, and he just doesn't like them, then that says something about the guy you love. He's being a jerk.

 

shesdymed - May 6

i was in a similiar situation. my father and my boyfriend dont get along ever since my pregnancy. its hard to choose between him or ur family. if u believe u two will last talk to them both let them kno that they need to stop being selfish and think about u a little more. theres guna b a time where ur guna have to let go of ur family because ur going to have one of ur own, but if hes holdin u back sooo much from them and u really want to b with him u need to make some serious changes for the both of u

 

sarah2 - February 27

i have had a similiar exsperience. i had a boyfriend who my folks did not ike and my dad took out an injunction to stop me seeing him. i carried on seeing him and in the end i saw sence and left him. i am so glad now that i did he was a pig to me and i am now happily married with a lovely 2 year old boy. my husband loves me and we are so happy. if there is a reason why they dont want you to be with him then listen to them, especially if he is treatin goyu poorly!! they know best , mine did. good luck!!

 

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