Plz Help Need Advice On Pregnancy Age Etc

5 Replies
Cypris222 - February 20

I am 22 years old. I am engaged to the man of my dreams and we are getting ready to get married in October of this year. I am 2 mos away from graduating college, and have a few jobs lined up for when I graduate. My fiancee and I are about to move right after I graduate, in May, to Philadelphia where we plan to start a family. My fiancee is not ready to have a baby because he feels we are not financial ready, and he feels we should wait until after we are married. I feel that I am ready for a baby, and I have been anxious to have one with him for sometime. I definitely see where he is coming from, but I know that we would be able to financially support the baby. That is what he is worried about. I know that maybe we should wait but I cannot stop this urge from wanting a baby. It is consuming me and it takes up a lot of my time thinking about it. I have recently stopped taking my birth control and I told him the birth control is up to him, hoping that maybe he will not be as strict with it as he may intend to be. How can I stop myself from wanting a baby so bad. I want my fiancee to be happy, and I know that eventually he wants a baby just not now... but how do I remain sane during this time? Thanks!

 

maren - February 20

well talk to him show him that your finances can handle it if that is all he is worryed about then show him that it is possible. having a child is a decisiond for two people and im glad you at least told him that you were not taking your birth control, at least you didnt hide it get pregnant and then have to continue to hide it from him. Just try to show him that your finances are ready use that to take your time up call hopitals and doctors to get real numbers and call your health insurance to get information so that you have something to show him and that your not just saying yea we can afford it. good luck congrates on being engaged

 

rj80 - February 21

Well I know how you feel. Until about 6mths ago I didn't really think that I was ready for anything as serious as kids. But we've been married a year now and I seem to see babies EVERYWHERE. It consumes every thought I have. He's not too keen on the idea tho - still too many other things he wants to achieve first he says, plus he'd like us to be more secure. However, I can't stop thinking about it and I would NEVER put him in the position of me being pregnant and him not being ready. I don't think it's fair. So, because he feels so strongly that he's not ready I am working twice as hard to make extra money for savings and also making sure that he gets all his list of things to do out of the way as soon as possible - for example we are having two major holidays this year to get them off the list! Focusing on all this is taking my mind off babies (although admit_tly not completely) and I have a time table in my head of when to talk to him about it again - seriously - and I'll tackle his issues again with him then. It's the only way of keeping me sane if I have goals to aim for.

 

frankschick2001 - February 21

My advice would be not to pressure him. I'm sure if the shoe was on the other foot, you would not want him to pressure you into having one before you are ready. So just give him some time. When you both start working full time, he will see that the finances are not as tight as he thought and maybe then, he will be more open to the idea. But stop obsessing or it will feel like time is standing still!! Just go with the flow. Having a baby should be right for both of you. You shouldn't have to talk him into it. Be sensitive to his fears and tell him that you want to have a baby, and that you'll wait for a while but not forever.

 

Erin1979 - February 22

I totally agree with Frankschick. It has to be a joint decision when you both feel ready. Why not wait until you are married, more financially secure, and when he is ready, go for it!!

 

oz - February 24

i am 26 and have been with my partner for 8 years. Even though we are financially ready to have a child (and i have been emotionally ready for some time) he wasnt. We have been talking about it for ages and both knew it was only matter of time before we took the leap but i have left it up to him to let me know when he thought he was REALLY upto it. Well that time has come and the count down has begun (we are going to start trying in afew months) and i am so happy i havent pressured him into it. You are young and have many years ahead of you. Maybe your fiance is saying that money is his concern when its really just an excuse as he isnt emotionally ready yet. Goodluck with whatever happens xx

 

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