Who Is Older And Can Say In Restrospect They Were Ready

8 Replies
*X* - December 6

There have been lots of threads on here regarding whether or not teens are ready to have children. They always spiral into arguments between the older moms and the younger moms. I'd like to hear from some of the moms here in their 30s and 40s who had children in their teens. What are their opinions on the subject? Do they still think that they didn't miss out on anything? Do they think they made the best move and were indeed ready? Are they still with the father of their child(ren)? Are they educated? In retrospect, knowing what they know now, would they still have made the same decisions? Please, ladies, speak up!

 

*X* - December 7

Not a single one?

 

bump - December 8

..

 

Brandi - December 8

I'm not that much older, 23, but I can definately say that I was not ready to have a child at 16. I didn't get pregnant on purpose, but it was still very hard and still is to this day. I'm just now getting to go back to college. Money has been tight for years. I'm not sorry that it happened because I love my daughter more than anything, but I do wish I could have waited a few more years, not out of need to party or anything, but mostly because of educational reasons. And no, I 'm not still with the man who I "loved" so much, and neither are ANY of the girls I knew from school that had kids around the time I did. Not even one of them.

 

Kerry - December 9

Ok, I'm 25 and pregnant with our first child ( a bit out of the age range, but there you go !) Although I am still with the same man I was with at 16/17, at that time I was too young to have children. When you are in your teenage years, you go through a huge amount of personal development. You are only beginning to carve an ident_ty for yourself (which seems to take years !) and personally I was emotionally too young to contemplate having a child. Had my then boyfriend (now husband ) and I taken that path, then I doubt very much whether we would be where we are now, and I certainly don't think we would have stayed together. I also appreciate now that at no time can any one claim with any certainty that they are 100% ready to have a child. I reckon you can only ever be about 80% prepared, because we have been trying for this baby for 11 months, and even though he is very much wanted, I'm still terrified of this new chapter I've started. Someone here stated that having a child is like walking around with your heart outside your body - I'm beginning to understand what that means now ! And it is emotionally exhausting !!!!

 

sherry - December 9

i was a bit older when i got pregnant. i was 18, gave birth right after my 19th b-day, and iam 30 now. looking back at that point, i do feel i was ready, and did a d__n good job, loving every second of my son, but even a year before that i would say NO WAY. there is a big difference between teenage years, and beyond teenage years. each teenage year is worth like 3 or 4 adult years, meaning 17, and 16, are far younger then 18 or 19 maturity wise. i wanted a baby since i had been 14-16, then wisened up, and forgot about that idea, and just wanted to be a kid. good thing i never did get pregnant then, it would have been beyond hard, and eventhough a mature teen, i could never have given a baby all it needed back then. you think you are all grown up, till a few year pa__s, and you go "boy....i didn't know anything back then!" it happens with every stage of life. these young girls will see that.

 

to X - December 9

There's no way I could've had a baby any younger... & I'm 30 now. It just wasn't my thing until a year or two ago. Maybe some are ready a little younger, but I've hardly known a teenager (while I was one AND looking back on it too) who had enough adventures in life or was ready enough to have a baby.

 

Med Student - December 9

I really like your thread, *X*. I have to agree, if I had done it as a teen I wouldn't be where I am now without a doubt. School with children is hard and I wasn't strong enough to do both back then. I probably would have dropped out! Fortunately, now I'm making it work. But, it's still hard!

 

Robyn - December 14

I was pregnant with my first by the time I was 18. While I don't regret my children for anything in the world (All girls-18,16, and 13) I still wish that I had waited until I was at least in my mid 20s to have them. I am not with their father anymore which is probably a very good thing for both my girls and I, and I was very economically unstable for many years. I do not feel that having my kids at that tender young age was in their best interests. I did eventually learn to be a good mom, but I feel that I am far more stable now both emotionally and financially. I am 36 now, and the man I eventually married has no natural children of his own although he has been a wonderful father to mine since my youngest was 6 months. We have just recently decided to have another. It is very different this time. I find that I am much calmer as a parent, and obviously more prepared. I do feel that I missed out drastically in my teen years. I missed going out with my friends, and doing all the other things that a 17 or 18 year old girl should be doing (including graduation which eventually I did complete.) I would not have chosen to get pregnant at that age again, although, I would still want all three of my girls at a later age.

 

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