Afraid To Quot Resume Relations Quot

17 Replies
Renee-Marie - July 10

I know this should probably be under the "Sex and Pregnancy" bulletin, but all of those people seem to be asking if they ARE pregnant. I already had my baby...and am now so scared to resume relations wtih my husband. Firstly, I'ms cared it'll hurt. Secondly, now I know what happens to you if you get pregnant!!!!! AHHHH. In all seriousness - I'm desperate for someone out there to say something encouraging, sympathetic - anything. My son is nearing 2 months of age.... and my husband has been very patient but I'm delaying. I get dressed behind closed doors and act disinterested all because I'm just plain scared. Please help me. How do I get over this? Thank you!


Elle - July 11

Renee-Marie, I was the same way, and I completely understand where you are coming from! Hugs to you! You will feel normal again, it will just take some time. My baby is 3 months old and only recently have we resumed our s_x life. For one thing, since I am bf, it took a while for the desire to come back. It was also difficult for me to feel "s_xy" after everything my body had gone through, and I certainly didn't want to get pregnant again so soon either! Have you discussed your fears with your husband? If he has been patient, I'm sure he will understand if you just talk to him and let him know how you are feeling. The first time wasn't painful for me, and I did tear, but we took it really slow. If you aren't ready, don't push it - things will balance out eventually. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Maybe in the interim you can take care of dh's needs in other ways! He probably thinks you are even more s_xy now after giving birth to his child - talk to him and express your concerns! Good luck to you and when the time is right, it will happen. Take care!


Renee-Marie - July 11

Thank you Elle. I have discussed my fears with my DH, and he says its ok, but I can't help feeling so self-conscious about it. At this point, I feel totally fine if I never have s_x again! I won't tell him that though! :-)


Elle - July 11

If dh said it was ok, is he doing anything to help you feel less self-conscious?? I didn't care about s_x either. In fact at my 6 week check I told them I didn't need any birth control since I had no interest in having s_x ever again! And I meant it at the time!


Renee-Marie - July 11

Well, he's just not pressuring me. I am pressuring myself about it though. (Backwards, I know!!!!) He's totally fine with hugging/cuddling while watching a movie or something. He's really an awesome husband..... therefore, I feel like the awful wife... see what I mean?


Susan W - July 11

I was not interested AT ALL for months. DH finally convinced me to try at 10 weeks postpartum, we did, and that was the last time for another couple of months. I was not feeling in the mood at all . .. colicky baby, no sleep, hardly got a shower, and I was depressed on top of it. But it wasn't that bad, once he tried. Take it very, very slow, as nursing makes v____al tissues drier. LOTS of lube per my midwife and fooling around beforehand to try to jumpstart any s_xy feeling that might be laying dormant. Do expect it to be different for one or both of you -- your body is different. Leaky b___sts can be either a turnoff, or just hilarious; they are a side effect of nursing and s_x, but we laughed it off. You will return to normal at some point :)


lynne - July 11

Renee-marie I had my about two months ago also and me and dh have just recently resumed our s_x life I also was afraid it would hurt I have to admit it did a littl but only at the first and that was because we didnt use lube. my advise is go for it but slowly use lots of K Y jelly and relax


ssmith - July 17

I had my daughter 10 weeks ago, and haven't had s_x with my hubby either. He's patient with me, but impatient with having to wait. I also have NO desire. Is this normal....because of b___stfeeding? I have actually delayed going for my postpartum check up because it's my excuse to avoid s_x. I don't really even want to help satisfy hubby...if you know what i mean (sorry about TMI) I feel like I am doing quite enough looking after the baby etc....he can take care of himself. I am worried though that this will take a toll on our marriage...and it will just be plain weird when we do finally have s_x strangers.


Gwenna-mom - July 17

My libido dissappears when I b___stfeed. My poor hubby has dealt with this for the last six months. He's happy I'm b___stfeeding, but I can tell he's even happier that I'm going to be done soon!


Yodergoat - July 17

The following post is chock-full of too much information!!! I was a bit nervous about pain when resuming, since I'd had an episiotomy with a few st_tches and two bad stretches that were "almost" tears but didn't require st_tches. But what made me the most nervous was the thought that my husband might feel a vast difference... that I might feel much looser or something. We had s_x again about 6 weeks postpartum, right after my check-up, and it was actually pretty great. Please don't be afraid to try it... you can stop if it hurts too much... but at least give yourself a chance to enjoy it. This might be too much information... WARNING!... but I felt like a virgin! The little bit of pain that I felt reminded me of being young and inexperienced again, and my husband said the same thing... that he felt like it was our first time ever, replayed again (although I was not a virgin when we met, he was, and I've always wished that I had been a virgin then, too). We've been together for 12 years, so that brought back memories from long ago of us as teenagers freshly in love, and it was really very exciting and fun. I felt the b___terflies in my stomach and all of that nervous excitement that comes with a brand new relationship, and what I had feared might be awkward was really a big turn-on. Although sometimes I don't have enough s_x drive to int_tiate s_x, if I let myself get into it just a little bit in the beginning, I really almost enjoy s_x MORE than before. It is as if I am more aware of sensations, and can almost feel more pleasure. I think that one major difference is that there is no longer the pressure to get pregnant... since for 7 years, we had been trying to conceive and had suffered three devestating losses. Now that we have a child, that pressure is off, and for the first time in years, my concern has shifted from "getting pregnant" to "NOT getting pregnant" this soon! Also, I lost a great deal of weight after having Gail... I'm 40 pounds lighter than I was BEFORE I got pregnant with her, from 214 to 174, and I FINALLY feel as if I've fulfilled myself as a woman by becoming a mother and nursing my baby, so I feel s_xier. I might be in the minority in this aspect, but I feel healthier both physically and emotionally since having my baby than I have in at least 10 years. Another different aspect (again, WARNING for too much info!) is the milk... which sometimes is a huge turn-on for my husband. Not always, but sometimes. And while I had thought that b___st stimulation might feel strange when I've had a baby nursing all day and night, it felt completely normal when that stimulation came from him... it was so vastly different from the baby nursing that I was able to separate the two completely in my mind. Sorry if this was all a bit too personal to hear, but I just wanted to let you know that sometimes, s_x CAN be better after a child. It will at least be different, that is for sure! Give it a chance and go into it with an att_tude of new adventure for a different phase in your lives. I will bet that your husband is nervous, too. But, remember, the longer you put it off... the more "built up" it will be, and the more the pressure will increase for you both. I don't think that you have much to lose... if it is going to be worse than before for some reason, time won't change this... but you do have something to possibly gain. Your husband is possibly in silent awe of what you have done as a woman... he saw your body grow and change as you nurtured the child within, probably watched you give birth with joy through pain, and now sees you providing milk for your child... all from your own body. You might feel a closeness with him that you never felt before. I hope that I'm not in the minority in this...


2StarsOnMyBack - July 26

aww, sweetie! my son is around the same age as your baby as you posted this. it will get sooo much better. i was scared as heck too, and before trying 2 times wit a little bit of discomfort, it finally felt normal. dont let fear stop you from getting back to normal. after all, honey you gave birth to a baby? what could be more painful than that? i also agree that you should use tons of lube, specially if you b___stfeed.


SuzieQ - July 26

Yodergoat - thanks for your post - it made me feel much better! I"m only 30 wks pregnant, but am a bit worried about s_x after!


LollyM - July 31

yodergoat, I was actually inspired by your post! That might sound strange, but it gives me hope =) I am 39 weeks pregnant with my first and ready to pop at any minute. I have been having so much pain the last few weeks that dh and I don't really get to be so intimate any more. Plus having a huge belly is a bit hard to work around. Anyway, I am nervous about s_x after, but I am looking forward to being able to lie on my back again and able to be physically closer to my husband.


piratesmermaid - July 31

I'm in the minority here because I can't wait to resume relations, but I still have 4 more weeks to wait. I wonder if it's 'cause I had a c-section, not a v____al birth. And I'm b___stfeeding too. But right now my hubby has never looked more desirable to me.


steph-in-saint-pete-beach - August 1

Im with you piratesmaid. besides that, I had s_x with my husband only 2 times in the last 3 months not even oral TMI sorry, he just found it scary and weird with the big baby in there. I am very attracted to my huband too. I just hope by the time 6 weeks gets here that I will look as good as he does to me. I also wonder if it is not the fenugreek. research shows Fenugreek helps with milk supply , lost labido in men and women, and hair loss in men. Did you take fenugreek as well. Maybe its not that at all. Maybe we are just lucky and have hot dh'


piratesmermaid - August 2

No fenugreek for me. I think our dh's are just hot. ;)


Nita_ - August 9

renee-marie--when I read your post, I thought to myself, I'm sooo in the same boat!! I know it's been almost a month since you posted this so am hoping you've gotten closer. I'm also very scared and at my 6 week pp appt last week when my midwife checked me it hurt soo bad!! I cried! I know I'm a wimp but my dh has been very patient and I just feel pressured somewhat! Hope all works out well soon and our relationship doesn't suffer!



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