Does This Make Me A Bad Person

48 Replies
Tracey - November 18

Does it make me a horrible person that I don't really want to br___tfeed? This was a planned pregnancy, sort of (we stopped using birth control and decided to let nature take its course). I know all of the health benefits of br___tfeeding. The thing is, I work as a mortgage broker so I work on commission only. I can't afford to be taking a lot of time off work. Actually, I'm not really taking ANY time off work, I'm just setting up a home office for a few months. With everything that's going to be going on, it just seems like I'll be feeding every 2 hours or so in the evening when I'm home (after I go back to work at the office), then pumping in between for enough milk for the next day for her. I feel like ALL I'll be doing is either feeding or pumping for a solid year! It just seems to be a must smarter idea for me to formula feed. That way, dad can be just as active a parent as me. I know this makes it seem that I'm just some kind of uninterested, unattentive, unexcited mommy to be that only cares about her career and not her baby, but that is so not the case. I'm just trying to think rationally and look at what's on my plate right now and in the future. I wish I could afford to take a year off work and stay home and br___tfeed every 2 hours, but that is just not a feasible option for my family. Any suggestions or just some reassurance that I'm not a horrible mother would be greatly appreciated!


estee - November 21

so, your job is more important than your baby's health? i mean, you probably know of the health benefits your baby gets only from b___st milk, but still it is more important to you to be doing your job etc. rather than taking time for your child? well, it's up to you, but if i can make one suggestion it would be to not feed the baby formula - just get up earlier in the morning and pump the milk, your husband can still bottle feed the baby then with b___stmilk. and you can repeat that during the day, since you are going to be at home anyways. but all in all i think if you have a baby, you gotta take time for it. and b___st feeding / pumping is definitely part of that time you should take for your baby. besides, there are health benefits for you too, not just the baby. so think about it. you'll probably see for yourself that your baby is more important than your job. wishing you and the baby all the best, estee


von - November 21

why don't you just b___stfeed for a few months like the time when you are home your doc will tell you the first few days when it only colostrum is the most important anyways


amanda - November 21

You are not a horrible mother! You just need to manage your time a little differently. Breastfeeding is one of the best, most rewarding things you can do for yourself and your baby. ANY amount of time you can b___stfeed is better than not doing it at all. I am completely for b___stfeeding, but I also understand not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to stay home and exclusively b___stfeed. Do it in the hospital and at home whenever you get the chance, you will be glad you did. Please don't let anyone make you feel like a bad mother because you can't do it. There are a lot of women who won't even consider doing it at all. If you can just do it for a few days, you will be doing both of you a favor. Babies really need the colostrum and believe me, the bonding you will get from b___stfeeding is incredible. I have b___stfed 3 babies and am 6 mo. pregnant with my 4th and plan to b___stfeed her also. I know it is very demanding, but it is so worth it. I wish you the best.


Tracey - November 22

Estee, I NEVER said that my job was more important than my baby, but the fact is if I don't go to work, my new baby will be living on the streets! When you have a commission job, you work...period. My husband works too and has a good job, but we're a 2 income family and it needs to be that way. I also never said that I wasn't open to the idea of b___stfeeding part time either. I posted the same question on another forum and got some useful, SUPPORTIVE advice. I've decided I'll pump and b___stfeed while I'm home, then slowly wean her after that. When I posted this question, I was a little confused about how to balance the time because not working is just NOT AN OPTION. Thanks for the criticism, I appreciate it.


ngihtangel081 - November 23

having a baby means a lot. but feelings are part of the act. yu'll enjoy it more if you want to be there. your child will feel more security if u can feel happy and not tied to them. i b___stfeed and loved it. but had to stop. but a bottle is less stress. and we bonded more later. she 4 and my angel. do what u need and don't stress. after all why look back and hate any part of motherhood. soon enough they will find a reason for you to dislike yur mom job.


Seema - November 23

You know, perhaps it's true that Breastfeeding is best, but it's also true that it's absolutely your life and nobody should tell you what to do. I hate all those so called experts out there who are EXTEEMLY OPINIONATED and tell you that their advice is for your "own good" and instead what do they do? They Aggrivate you and make you feel guilty. My advice is, do what you have to do for you and your child, if you have to work for the Money than do so, and all those other woman who do not understand this, well, its THEIR problem and NOT yours, you have enough going on right now and nobody has the right to tell you what to do anyways unless you ask, and I think perhaps you are worried that you might be neglecting your child out of your own guilt but believe you me, I'm sure you are a good mother if you are feeling even alittle guilty about it. So, personally, I wouldn't even ask such a question as you will get tons and tons of responses like these. Anyways, that's just MY OPINION, so there. LOL


Shelly - November 24

You aren't a bad mother. You will figure out how to work things out in the best way for you and your baby. It's hard to make concrete plans ahead of time. You don't really know what things will be like. Keep your self open to changing your plans. One of the most important things in parenting is flexibility. Contact La Leche Leage for some good support.


E - November 25

Your baby will be perfectly fine if bottle fed a formula diet. Yes, b___stmilk is ideal but many, MANY women are unable to b___stfeed for various reasons and have healthy, happy babies that love their formula. What is important is that you are there to feed your baby and snuggle/love him. Best wishes:)


christine - November 30

I just had my son a little over a week ago, ive b___st feed the first 6 days, i feel soo horrible and came in here for sopport because im stopping as of today. I have to say estee's response was not very supportive. Im stopping because i can't handle the b___st feeding while being home on FLMA. Im feeling soo bad as a mother, but my b___sts are engorged, they hurt, i cant sleep comfortably the little sleep i can get, i leak, even with pads, and find myself crying trying to pump when im sore, in fact i had to start supplementing him at night with formula because i was to tired to feed him. I strongly beleive im not a bad mother for this, and i gave it my all. I just wish i wouldnt feel so guilty.


estee - December 3

sure, because it's not what you want or need to hear to soothe your conscience... i only stated my opinion on this, i do not judge you. i did not say: "yes, you are a bad, bad person". and as you americans tend to say: "it's a free country, isn't it?"


Lisa - December 5

Estee, it dosn't matter, we all think you are a BIG OPINIONATED B_TCH anyways, no matter what you tell us now. Too bad for you, that's it that's all!


estee - December 6

hehehe, right! who the f**k are you lisa?


Lisa - December 6

estee, those who are able to dish it out have to be able to take it as well.


estee - December 6

Lisa, i don't think that i did anything to you. I don't know why you talk to me that way. Have i said or done anything that offends you? Or are you the god sent judgement angel? or maybe really just postpartum depression as kashi said? i don't know. tracey wrote her story, i wrote my opinion (which was really NOT meant to hurt ANYONE, i might have been to harsh) and that's it. it's not even your business. If somebody should call me a b***h then i think it should be tracey - or the judgement angel. :-) no hard feelings lisa, i'm sure you have your load to carry too. so, all the best to you.


Tracey - December 9

Wow, I didn't mean to cause this much controversy with my question...I'm just in search of a way to balance everything without depriving my child but still being able to maintain my sanity. Sorry I snapped at you Estee, I guess you did hurt my feelings a little. It's just those pregnancy hormones coming out : )


lola - December 10

the babys health is important but if thats not enough for you there are also selfish reasons to b___stfeed. while nursing you can actually feel you uterus getting pulled into place, it helps you lose weight quicker, and your b___sts will not sag as much as women who dont b___stfeed. not to mention the benefits to your child...less likely to have asthma, will have less colds and flu, and some say even do better in is a personal decision and nobody should be judged but please consider nursing, even if only for a little while!!!good luck with whatever you decide!



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