Family Disagrees With My Choice Help

14 Replies
c_baer19 - February 28

I live out of town and away from all relatives, but I'm going back into town for a weekend for a baby shower they're throwing for me. I've all but decided on exclusively pumping for my own reasons, I like the benefits and my baby still gets br___t milk. Anyway, my older sister asked me today and I told her I would probably exclusively pump, and she was more or less rude to me and said, "Why are you going to do that? I've never heard of anybody doing that before." And we're close, I talk to her nearly every day. So now I'm afraid that his huge (and traditional) family is going to disagree with my choice, and I know they will ask what I am planning on doing at the shower. I don't feel like arguing or defending myself, it is my child and that is that, but I don't want to sound rude either. Any advice, or ways to avoid this?


cindi - February 28

I dont mean to be rude to you but I have to say this...grow up! You are an adult woman who is about to be someone's mother. Whatever choices and decisions you make about YOUR child and how you raise him/her is your (and your partner's) buisness. You do not need anyone's permission or approval concerning this matter. Period.


c_baer19 - February 28

Cindi, I did just say that "it is my child, and that is that." So thank you for not paying attention and telling me I need to grow up. I was simply asking for advice on avoiding a difficult situation - I am not going to change my choices to suit anyone else, I am just looking for a conflict-free baby shower.


c_baer19 - February 28

I guess I didn't make myself clear, I didn't mean that I'm literally afraid they're going to disagree with my choice, it's more I think they're going to make it very clear they disagree with my choice and decide to start 'lecturing' me at my baby shower, which is the last thing I want and need.


kellens mom - February 28

I personally just said that "I would like to try nursing for a while if I can. If I can't, then I will formula feed." They do not need to know anything about the mechanism you use to give your child nurishment. As far as they are are taking a "wait and see" approach. End the discussion there.


SuzieQ - February 28

It's hard sometimes - I agree. My family thinks I should've fed my dd food at 2 weeks old!!! I would suggest just keeping your head and telling them exactly what you are planning to do/try. They don't have to agree with you, and may think you're not doing the "right" thing, but that's their problem. Just be firm and go for it! Good luck :)


cindi - March 1

forgive me but in my opinion your question came off sounding immature to me. why do you care about your family's input about how YOU feed YOUR child?? what you want or what they want. doesn't matter.


Tammy276 - March 1

c_baer, your question did NOT come off sounding immature. The topic about b___stfeeding can be very touchy for some people and cindi, most people DO care what their family thinks and it is hard when they come down on you for a decision you are making. Just tell them that you will be b___stfeeding your baby........they don't need to know how. YOu are still b___stfeeding even though you will be pumping, your child is still getting b___st milk, which is the important part, not how the child is getting the milk. If they start to lecture you, you just need to stand up for your self and let them know that this is your decision, your child and you don't need to be lectured because no matter what they say, its not going to change anything. And let your sister know, there are other people out there who exclusively pump.... I did with my son. I tried the whole putting him to the b___st thing and it just wasn't for us, so I pumped and he still got the benefits of b___st milk. Good luck. And for you cindi, maybe you need to grow up. She came on here asking for advice on how to handle the situation, there is no need to be rude.


DownbutnotOUT - March 1

For me my family perfers b___stfeeding but frankly they couldnt care less as liong as the baby is being feed, isnt that the most important thing??? If they start giving you a hard time let them know that right now you find it easier and more comfortable (if you do im just a__suming) to bottle feed your baby b___stmilk and you see nothing wrong with it period. Be a__sertive but friendly as well, I hope all goes well for you.


Jennifer123 - March 1

Pumping is somewhat foreign to the older generation. I remember when I was pregnant I initially told my mom that I was going to exclusively pump and she thought I was crazy. Then as I read more and more and educated myself I decided b___st feeding would by far be a lot easier to do. My mom is still b__wn away by the expensive pump but now sees why I have to have it to be able to work and not supplement w/ formula. I know family is a hard thing to go against but you are starting your own family now and you should do what YOU feel is right.


c_baer19 - March 1

Thank you very much Tammy, I did not think it was an immature question either. His family is very.. overbearing, I guess you could say, haha, and they like to push their opinions and experiences on people. Yeah Jennifer, that is a big part of it too, pumping is a new idea to much of the older generation - well, exclusively pumping, at least. Thanks everyone for all your advice, you were a big help! =)


Amanda18 - March 2

Your the only other person I've seen that has decided on exclusive pumping too. I've decided just not to tell anyone except those I know will support it. People just dont understand this way of feeding. I think I'll tell the rest I'm just b___stfeeding and not have to deal with stupid remarks. Good luck!


kellens mom - March 2

Ladies who plan to exclusively pump - it does not matter how they get their nurishment, so long as they get it! I can guarentee that if quality pumps were available for women my mother's age, they would have been used! Do what you have to do to raise a happy, healthy and kind child...with a b___b or a pump! Best of luck to you all. One last word of advise: At least TRY nursing. It is much easier then pumping if you can get the hang of it. If you had the money, why would you buy a scooter without first test driving a car? The car is more convient (like a b___b!)


tryingx3 - March 2

I'm with Kellens Mom - try b___stfeeding as well! I find pumping and cleaning pump parts, then bottle parts, etc a lot harder than just letting her nurse...especially at night.


Wellis10 - March 4

c_baer19 - I had the same problem you did when at my shower. But my own mother said this to me and all MY family. No one in my family b___stfed. Well I wanted to try it....for my baby and it cost less. When I told them I was b___stfeeding my child....she literally curled her vose up at me she was full of disgust. She ask why in the world would you want to do that? I thought to own mother said this to me. I was very upset that she didn't support me especially in front of all my other family, I was enbra__sed. Then after about 30 minutes I started to get p__sed. I just couldn't believe what had just happened. Finally I thought to myself......maybe they just don't understand why I want to. I tryied to explain...that b__w up in my face to. Finally I got all of their attentions and looked at all of them and said out loud. "I don't think it is anyones business how I feed my child, I know that you are all concerned that I am I first time mom but you were a first time mom at one point in time of your life and we all lived. If I need your advice I'll ask for it but in the mean time I would like all of you to back off...especially if you are not going to support me. I have enough to worry about then to have you guys stressing me out about what I want to do or try." After that they all tryied to b___ter up to me. Since it was my shower I didnt want to hold a grudge...but I was still really upset. Now to this day my mom says that I should be feeding him something other then b___st milk that his not getting enough nutruition....I have to repeatly tell her to back off. It's been 27 years since my mom had an infant....things change all the time. New facts are found about stuff everyday and what was right over 20 years ago might not be right today. I hope this helps you come up with something to say to them...It was really hard for me too......You have to hold your head high and be confident in what you want....most shouldn't question you then. Good Luck



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