Plz Help I Feel Like Such A Failure

18 Replies
lauren - December 25

My baby girl is only 12 days old and will not brestfeed!! She was given bottles in the hospital because she was jaundice and now she won't take to the brest. When i try to brestfeed she screams and hollers and it makes me feel horrible. I have gone to see lactation councelers and i still try everyday to brestfeed, but nothing is working! I feel like a failure, i really want to brestfeed her but we are both getting stressed out, im almost ready t give up. I have been pumping, so she is still getting brestmilk, but i find pumping really difficult as well,it takes up alot of time. I feel like i am missing out on a special time i relly want this bond for her and i. Any suggestions on what else i can do? Plz help...... htank you!


April - December 25

That is too bad lauren :-( The only thing I can think of to say is to just not give her the option. Only give her your b___st. Please try they have wonderful experts who will be able to help. When I hear things like this it makes me so sad and so mad. Mad at anyone that says nipple confusion doesn't exist. Mad at hospital staff that should know better about jaundice ( supplementing for jaundice is really only necessary in about 1% of cases, b___stmilk does the job just fine) You are not a failure you just have had some really bad advice. You can still turn it around! Good luck!


Frances - December 26

I agree with April, to an extent. You still need to go with the decision you can work with. Breastmilk is best, and nursing has benfits that go beyond the content of the milk. If you are stressed out and upset however, you will find you milk does not let-down as it should. There are lots of places you can go for help, and I would suggest you try all of them if for no other reason then that you can say you tried everything. Best case scenario, one works for you and you get to nurse, if not you can switch to formula with a clear concience. Just remember that it is a decision that you alone get to make and nobody has the right to judge you, no matter what you decide. My son was a bottle baby because there were so many different things working against us and he has been just fine. It isn't the end of the world if it doesn't work out, and everything would be fine. The problem I had was that there were several women in my life who made the issue so huge that I made myself miserable thinking that I would be the most horrible mother and that my child would not love me or be close to me if I couldn't make it work. Don't let that happen to you. Best of luck, and I hope the nursing works out.


C - December 26

Have you tried a nipple shield? That's what helped me because my son would scream too. After a few months he got the hang of latching on and we don't need it anymore. It's worth a shot instead of giving up all together. Now my son b___stfeeds in the morning and at night and then I don't have to pump as much. What kind of bottle/nipple are you using?


lauren - December 26

Thank you all for your responses! I have tried the nipple shield with no luck, the lactation counciler gave me a medela shield. I am using a slow flow nipple with the avent bottles, she seems to like them the best. I will continue to try and brestfeed, and i have another appointment with the lactation nurse on wednesday, hopefully she will have some new ideas for me! Until then i will continue to pump for her, at least she is still getting brestmilk :)


C - December 26

Well it sounds like you are trying everything you can so you shouldn't feel like a failure. Like you said, at least she's still getting b___st milk. I would just keep trying as you have been and offer the b___st first. Maybe she'll come around. My son has both Avent and Playtex nipples and the motion he uses for the Playtex is more similar to the b___st. That might be a problem there because the Avent is different and possibly easier for her. You just never know for sure.


lisa - December 27

just a quick suggestion, my dc recomended expressing in the bath as your warm and relaxed and it helps let down, the same applys for feeding, ive fed my daughter when were both in the bath, mabie you could try that so your both relaxed ive also heard people using a tube next to niple to push milk through as an insentive to nipple feed, but dont know any more about it


Angela in California - December 29

first of all - you are NOT a failure! The hospital screwed up but if you find that you can't make b___stfeeding work you are still a great mom and there are lots of other ways to bond with your baby. Please do not feel like a failure!


Nadia - December 29

There is no such thing as failing at b___stfeeding. The hospital should have known better. Your baby has just gotten used to the easy sucking on bottles. You can sitch to the b___st, it will just take lots of work and some time. Don't give up. Get help when you need it, don't just wait for appointments. Remember that these people work for you, make sure that you get what you need from them. You can also call La Leche League for help if your lactation consultant isn't available. Just don't get depressed or put yourself down. There is nothing wrong with you. Hang in there!


krystal - December 30

maybe if you gave her a few ounces from the bottle first just to quench the inital hunger then she would be more calm to try b___stfeeding for the rest of the feeding?


lauren - December 30

Thanks everyone! I will try all of your suggestions, i hope they work. Happy new years to all the moms and babies!!! and wishing everyone good health and happiness :)


Deena - December 30

How are things going?


lauren - December 30

Hi deena. I htink she is slowly getting the hang of it. I've started waking her up just before her regular feeding time and nursing her. She will nurse for about half an hour or so,then she gets frustrsted, so i'll stop and finish with a bottle. She is eating less out of the bottles now, so i think this is working, hopfully soon i can cut out the bottles all toghther.......??? we are getting there, its just taking a little bit of time and patience!


Deena - December 31

So good to hear! Have you tried switching sides when she gets fussy? Keep up the good work, and hang in there success is just around the corner. I think that it is our kids job to teach us patience a perseverance---they do work hard at it.


owensark - January 3

You can get a supplemental feeding system from madela- or on ebay brand new, where your baby will suck AT the b___st, but you can give her b___stmilk she'll be sucking from a tube- it's a thought anyway that you might want to try! That way, she's at the b___st, and has to suck on the b___st to get the milk. I'm sure they have them at hospitals too- actually, I have a similar one that they used for my sons when they were born, but they finger fed them- attached the tube to the finger instead of the b___st. I could send you one if you're interested in trying it!?!? email me at [email protected] if you're interested.


lauren - January 5

She finally got it !!!!! She is now b___st feeding great :) Im so gald i didn't give up, it took alot of time and patience but she is now exclusivley brest feeding!! I love it!! It is so much easier, espscially at night. No bottles to heat up, we can just cuddle in bed. Thank you all for your advice!!!


Christy - January 7

Congratulations, lauren! I am glad it worked out for you guys. :)



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