Wife Who Needs Help

9 Replies
Sandy - March 16

Hi, I posted this on the infertility board, and a suggestion was I may get some help here. Please help if you can. thanks. Hello board, I have never posted here, but my wife, Marcie, posted here numerous times about a year ago. We had tried for over 4 years to get pregnant. My wife was diagnosed with PCOS and ovarian problems. After many invasive operations and tests and drugs and tons of heartache we finnaly got pregnant about a year ago. Misscarried at 4 months and My wife is now pregnant again and is 6 months along. At first she was so excited, this is after all, what we have wanted for 5 years. She recently was diagnosed with a pelvic problem and will require a csection when the time comes. She has I believe, lost her senses. Ever since the doctor told her she would need a csection she has completly come undone. Doesnt matter how much I talk to her and reassure her and remind her how much we both want this baby. She says she would rather abort the baby then have an operation. She has gone as far as to tell my parents, who tried to reassure her, that she hates the baby for making her have to have a csection. I dont know what to do. I am scared for my child and my wife. I feel like my family is falling apart and I cant seem to help her. Last week she called doctors to see who would do a partial birth abortion, and I freaked out , I actually had to control myself, because I believe she is sick now. I called a theripist but she refuses to go. I have taken away her car keys and wont let her leave the house for fear she will try to get an abortion. I know this seems crazy, I cant believe it, she so wanted a baby, she designed the nursury with me. I am so lost. I know she used to come here and respected your opinions and I so hope for some advise or perhaps I can show her any responces that might help Iher with her fear. I have explained to her, endlessly, that an abortion at this timeis murder and would be as invasive as a csection. But she insists that a csection will kill her. i am so disgusted and scared. thank you for taking the time to read this. Matt--


olivia - March 16

Matt, sorry for all your troubles. C-sections are no reason for her to now want the baby you have waited so long for. From what it sounds she is having severe depression if not a psychosis and needs medical attention immediately. You may want to talk to a professional about the possibility of temporary hospitalization. It is too much for you to watch her alone. Sometimes this is caused by pregnancy, componded by her losses in the past, and fear. She may be so afraid that she may lose the baby that she just wants to end it herself for more control of the emotions tied with such a loss. If she refuses to speak with a therapist you may have to do a forced hospitalization. Please get help for you wife and baby immediately. Good luck Matt.


olivia - March 16

(i meant not want in the first sentence, not "now" want).


helena - March 16

I dont know if I can say anything to help change your wifes mind , I hope the lord above can . Your wife will be in my prayers. Im about to go in here in a week and a half for my second c-section.Believe me im really scared even though its my second time around, but think about the beautiful child youll have. I have a two year old son right now and he was by c-section. Yes it was an operation. but if i had to do it a thousand times over, I WOULD! just to never have seen or known my son I would of missed out on so much! Please just give yourself and your beautiful baby that chance. I promise you wollnt regret it! I know your probably scared to have a c-section but its really not that bad, i healed up really well. My husband was looking at my scar from my first section and he was really amazed you almost couldnt notice it. Your 6 months along ,just think those kicks our your child inside of you who wants a chance to live and hopefully 3 months from now will have that chance . I cant wait to hold my second son in my arms. And for the day he first looks at me and says MAMA. Im sure the day you have your baby your husband will be by side (He seems like he loves you alot and your unborn baby). Im sure you love him too, consider this , this babie is partof you and him. Do you want to kill that because of fear. Im sure things will be fine just trust in the lord and those who love you . God bless.


djh - March 17

CALL THE OBSTETRICIAN IMMEDIATELY! You must do so NOW. This is not normal, I HATED my c-sections, had lots of complications and I never feared them so much I would rather have a gruesome late-term abortion! Perhaps the doctor was hasty in telling her that she would absolutely need a c-section? I think that needs to be verified or re-visited for her benefit. Good luck Matt, and get help from her OB, a therapist will alarm her too much.


AmyB - March 17

i dont think she understands that an abortion is still an "operation" and i dont think one would be easier then another? you need to get help for her NOW she is ill and you need to help her.c sections are scarey but that is your baby and typically you do whatever you can for your children? good luck


Nerdy Girl - March 17

Matt, you need to intervene NOW before she does something drastic. Did she call HER OWN doctors to inquire about the partial birth abortion? If so, they must now know that she needs some mental help. You might need to consider hospitalizing her. With all of the time trying to get pregnant, plus the heartache of the miscarriages, you wife will surely come to her senses eventually and regret terminating this pregnancy, should she find someone who would do so. My biggest fear would be that she would try to do something else drastic herself to cause the baby to spontaneously abort. You need to get her some psychiatric help FAST. I had 2 c-sections, and I didn't care what needed to be done to get my kids into this world safely. I would endure any amount of pain or discomfort for my children. Your wife needs help fast. Good luck.


LAURA - March 20

I have had two c-sections,yes it is scary to think about but it's not so bad.They give you pain medicine and take good care of you.I recovered real quick from my c-sections.And you have a beautiful baby in the end,which makes it well worth while.Your wife should at least get some type of councling if nothing else.I hope the best for all of you


Action - March 21

TAKE ACTION NOW. Keep her from hurting herself or the baby first and find out why later. I do not think she can be reasoned with as she wants to harm baby and is acting like someone with postpartum psychosis. I would see if it is possible to have her admitted to the psych ward at a hospital on grounds that she will harm the baby (and possibly herself (find out if an abortion in the second trimester is illegal in your state). ..My pregnancy was planned, had a c-section which was hard to recover from, and experienced postpartum depression. When I first had my wanted baby I felt I had made a big mistake, was overwhelmed, very emotional, depressed, felt no attachment to my baby, and felt I was going crazy which scared me. I went to the doc and got anti depressants, joined a mommy and me cla__s, and after a few months felt like myself. Now I can't imagine life without my baby......I can see how the years of fertility issues could make matters so very stressful for your wife and why she could spin out of control. She needs you right now to totally take control of her and not leave her alone for a second until she is in a good place again. You don't want her to commit suicide! I am praying for you, your wife, and your baby.


olivia - March 21

Hey Ladies, there was a follow up to this post on the TTC board. She did OD on Tylenol PM BUT (thanks GOD) she told her husband and her and the baby are both doing well. They will be hospitalized until delivery and his wife's mother has flown in to help for as long as she is needed. It is a little girl! Keep up the prayers for a healthy delivery!



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