11 Weeks Pregnant With Major Marriage Problems

8 Replies
leah - May 6

Just need some help. I am 24 years old and married. I have been married once and caught my husband cheating. At first, I thought my husband was going to be so loving and caring. We have been married almost a year and I am now 11 weeks pregnant. His father died recently and his mother has a serious case of depression now. He stays in a bad mood because of her. She is always calling saying that she doesn't think she's going to live long enough to even get to see the baby and just really overexaggerates things. My husband is so cranky all the time and I get a lot of it taken out on me. He has been out of work for 2 months and has now started a new job. I have been really sick so far. I can't eat anything without throwing it back up and I am hypoglocemic anyway and so this has gotten worse since the pregnancy since I can't keep any food down. I hate to think that I would be 24, married and divorced twice, and with a baby. Sometimes I just want to pick up and leave him. I don't know how much more of the yelling I can take. He makes comments all the time because I am sick and don't feel like doing much, but then even if I just go to my moms, he tells me that if I'm as sick as I say I am, I shouldn't go anywhere. I can't win for losing anymore and I really need help. I don't know what to do. Do I wait it out and hope it gets better or leave now. We are so far in debt and everything is in my name so he will stick me with all the bills. His credit was terrible and so everything is just in my name. One credit card has over $10,000.00 on it and it also has my mother's name on it so filing bankruptcy would not be an option. I am just so confused. Please help me

 

lilmum - May 6

Wow leah, i feel awful for you. That is alot of stress. I would love to help you, but i'm not a marriage counceler or anything, so all i can do is make suggestions. I think the first thing you have to do is take a step back and see if this is something you want to work out? How would you feel if he wasn't there? Would you miss him? If you would, then you should definately work things out. If there is a will, there is a way. I think you should also talk to him and find out if he feels the same. If he's already given up, you can't do this on your own. You need to make this decision together. If you do decide to leave him, you are in a marriage and so there are legal nets in place to make sure one person isn't stuck with all the burdens and bills while the other is care and debt free. So if you do get a divorce, make sure you get a good lawyer, and listen to their advice. You have a child involved now that needs to be taken care of. But again, make sure this is a mutual choice you have both made because you need to get along for your baby. Even if you two can't be friends, doesn't mean he can't be a great father. (Also, not saying you would, because i don't know you so i can't really say, but just don't take your hubby to the cleaners if you do decide to divorce him. Be fair.) I hope some of this has helped you, and you will get through the sickness soon and in a few months you will feel just great (it doesn't last forever though). Try to cheer up, I hope the best for you and your baby.

 

Kimber - May 6

Leah, my heart breaks for you. It's tough enough to be pregnant and to go through all the symptoms that come with it, but not to have the support of the father is the worst. Of course, he doesn't understand what it's like to be pregnant. What if you showed him some articles online (there are thousands) about the symptoms of pregnancy. Maybe he would see that you're not faking it and that you really need his support right now. Communication is the key here. You HAVE to tell him exactly how you're feeling. If you think he cares and there's enough love there to stick it out, then there you go. If not, then you have some major decisions to make for yourself and this baby...and I agree with lilmum, get a good lawyer. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. With each new day, there's new hope...

 

Amanda - May 6

Leah I can't believe all that is happening for you. Its sounds awful. Iam 5 weeks pregnant and Hubby and I were haveing some problems too before I fund out thath I was pregnant and I wason the verge of filing fora divorce and then I found out that i was pregnant we sat down and had one of those "come to Jesus meeting" and all though thinga aren't perfect and they never will be I think are talking things out has really helped. The only thing that I can say is you already know the answer and you just have to look inside your heart to find it. I am also 24 and have a 2 1/2 year old. If you are worried that you can not do it by your self you need to kick that thought out of your head my mom did it with 3 girls its possible and you would not be alone. I was absolutely terrifed of feeling like I had failed at my marriage and that I was gonna have 2 kids to raise on my own and right now things are better and I really hope they continue toget better But I know that I am a strong enough person to do this on my own and remember that youare too, your childis a blessing and all though it may not feeli like it right now because all you are doing is praying to the porcline God .... Just remember that baby will love always no matter what ---- I know that I have rambled and I'm sorry if you need any help at all or just wnat to talk off line you can contactme at [email protected] sincerly amanda

 

kay - May 8

That IS a lot of stress, Leah. First of all, let me tell you that my husband lost his dad, and I was not very understanding. He needed me, but I had a lot going on, and was not there for him. You both have the stress of financial problems, he has a new job, and you have the hormones and morning sickness. He's got to be there for his mom AND you. Please don't jump into divorce, your husband needs you, the baby needs you, and the morning sickness is usually temporary. Try to remember what you loved about him in the beginning, and pray God will help you through it. I will be praying for you both.

 

leah - May 9

Thanks for your help. I sat my husband down this weekend and really talked with him. I know that he was close with his dad and that I need to be there for him. His mom is just really depressed right now and keeps him so stressed. I told him that I need him to be there for me, as well as for her and that I can't take the yelling and fighting anymore. He has never hit me and I don't think he ever would but the yelling is just more than I can handle sometimes. Hopefully his mother can start to overcome her depression over losing his dad soon and we can get back to normal. My husband has always been so loving until just here recently and I really feel like she is to blame for a lot it. I know that she is upset over losing her husband, but she doesn't understand that we have a child on the way and are already under a lot of stress with my husband starting a new job and we are trying to get all of our bills paid off before the baby gets here. I want my husband to enjoy this. He was so excited when I told him. But she is having such a time over his dad, that it just really keeps my husband down all the time. Is it bad for me to feel that way towards her?

 

Chris - May 13

You two are married and he is obligated to pay half of everything if unfortunately you divorce. If you feel your life and mental well being is in danger, seek counselling for both of you. The baby is so fragile right now you don't need the extra stress in your life. Do what you need to do to ensure you and your baby are safe and healthy. He could be going through things on the inside that he's not sharing with you. I speak from experience and pray everything works out for the best.

 

kay - May 14

Leah you are a such a trooper! Good for you to be such a big person that you can forget about your own needs and be there for your hubby. I was also pregnant when my hubby's dad died, and as soon as the baby arrived, my mother-in-law had a new purpose in life. The BABY!! Hugs to you girl.

 

Lisa - May 19

Leah there is nothing wrong with you having resentment toward your mother in law for causing negativity in your marriage. Those are natural feelings! Keep communicating with your husband, let him know you are on the same team and remind him that now that you are married, especially with a child on the way, that you are now his family. I know a mother is always a mother, but you and your baby are his primary responsbility now. I forsee future issues with my mother in law also (she is a wack job) but if you truly love your husband, and he you, just keep communicating. AND it is NOT OK for him to YELL! Make sure he understands that and personally I'd walk away every time he does. Tell him you'll come back when he can have a rational conversation. You deserve to be treated with respect.... especially now since stress is not good on your or the baby. Keep talking and I'm sure things will work out. Good luck.

 

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