Dad S Not Happy

9 Replies
2boysplus1 - April 21

Hi I told my fiancee that I am 5 wks preg. and he is not happy. He really says nothing at all. I don't even know if he wants me to keep our baby or not. He is normally so good at communicating, so sweet and wonderful. I asked him to say something but he says he's in shock. I would really love it if we could be happy about this. I have wanted another child for years. I didn't want to be pregnant without him wanting it too. He doesn't blame me. I told him the doctor asked me to come in tommorow and all he said was "yup". How do I get him to open up?


mjvdec01 - April 21

Do you think he "thinks" this was not an accident? It almost sounds like he is a little p__sed. If I were you I would get him to go to the appointment with you and just ask him exactly what he is thinking. Maybe go have lunch afterward and talk. He may also just be totally overwhelmed and feel a bit trapped? Do you have a wedding date set already, or is it in the air. Was he wanting to travel and be married a couple years first? Are you both really young still? Any of these could be the reason for his bahavior, or it could be something else entirely. It could also be that it just hasn't sunk in yet, and given time he will come around. You must have some idea as to what is going on.


2boysplus1 - April 22

He knows it wasn't my fault. I think he is just overwhelmed. We have not yet set the date because of me not him. He's more than ready to be married. we are both divorced with children from previous marriages and he's in his mid 40's im a little younger. I think he wanted to have more time for just us. I think he just needs time like you said. I just have to find ways to comfort and rea__sure him this is a blessing and not a curse!


mjvdec01 - April 23

I am so glad to hear that. Did he go to your OB appointment with you? Has he said anything else?


ejmeskan - April 23

2boysplus1, I say just give him time...I really think that is all you can do right now! I seriously don't think my DH and talked for 30 minutes after we found out about this one....he was DEFINITELY in shock...I am now 15 weeks and he is super excited but it is just a lot to take in when it is a little unexpected!! (Our son was 8 mo when we got PG so that was our little shocker!) But really think just letting him think this out on his own may be the best thing. Good luck!!!


BeckyBunny - April 27

Well, considering your age, he may not have wanted more kids. He may have figured he was done with raising kids and ya'll would just have you time. He could be thinking about how a new baby will affect his kids, and yours. He may be thinking about the financial obligations that come with another child, or how your age and health will impact the pregnancy, birth, and the child itself. that doesn't mean he wants you do get rid of it. Just give him some time and try to talk to him about what he's feeling.


Ms.Aren - April 27

My baby's father is in his 40s and I must say that since neither of us thought we were able to have children, it was quite a shock for both of us. We fought about stupid things for about the first week after finding out. Now we are both getting a little bit excited. So, just give it time and try to be patient with him.


jenniferjo - April 27

Hi all, just thought I'd share my experience with you all. Hubby and I were trying to get pregnant and were successful the 1st month of trying. I told him and he was excited, for about 2 days. THen the fighting started and lasted for about 2 months. After I finally couldn't take it anymore and broke down, he finally opened up and told me that he was just worried about the baby being healthy, financial concerns and worried if he'd be a good father. I never could rea__sure him . After our dd was born he was still nervous, but he got much better. When she was about 4 months, all the worries dissappeared. That was 2 years ago. We had a m/c last Dec and are 7 wks pg now. It was pretty much the same except I put my foot down when he started distancing himself this time. He still has all the same worries, but is talking about them this time. From my experience(my own, friends and family), men tend to withdraw when they have these feelings. I went to a counselor(depression and these issues) and he said that it was more typical for men to do this and that most times they feel inadequte. They are too 'ashamed' to just tell us so they hold it in until we either get it out of them or they have worked something out in their own minds. My advice~ If you can handle it, let him simmer awhile and he'll come to you. If you can't stand the withdraw, say something. Stress isn't healthy right now(or ever for that matter) and you should be comfortable with whatever action you choose. Congrats and good luck!


Teddyfinch - April 28

i hate to be the one to sound bad here, but when you say you are "a little younger" that kind of sounds like maybe you're in your twenties and feel like people will judge you. how old are you? but i think he's just stunned. i mean dh and i were trying for years and when it happened, he pretty much was stunned and i would ask and ask why he wasn't jumping for joy like i thought he would and guys just stun easily lol.


thefuturemrswhite - April 29

My fiance and I had a similar situation. We both wanted kids but we wanted time for us. We we found out I was pregnant and made me feel like his life was being ruined and we fought for about a month but hes really come around. He hasnt admitted it yet but I think he might actually be excited. He even asked to come to my first ultra sound so he can see the heart beat so he actually took time off.. I say if he isnt opening up right now give him a little bit of time and then try to talk about it.



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