Funny Stories Jokes Good Thoughts

19 Replies
hioannidis - November 29

Hello ladies, I thought we should start a thread on all good and positive pregnancy moments/jokes. Being pregnant is so stressful and scary especially in the 1st trimester, so if you’re having one of those days and could use a laugh this is the place to come......hope all the future posts bring you smiles and laughs........Heather xoxo

 

hioannidis - November 29

Q... Since I became pregnant, my b___sts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy? A... Yes, your bladder.

 

hioannidis - November 29

Q... The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why? A... 'Cause you're fatter than they are.

 

ShoppingForTwo - November 29

I hope my rear end grows! That would be awesome!! :)

 

hioannidis - November 29

Q... What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model? A... Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.

 

hioannidis - November 29

Q... How does one sanitize nipples? A... Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.

 

hioannidis - November 29

A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit prior to the birth of their first child. After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink. The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the husband dug out his magnifying gla__s to try to see what it was. In very tiny letters, the stamp said, "When you can read this, come back and see me."

 

hioannidis - November 29

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?" The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain." "I know, but can't you give me some idea?" she asks.................. "Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."............ "Like this?"..................... "A little more..."........................... "Like this?"......................... "No. A little more..."..................... "Like this?"......................... "Yes. Does that hurt?"............................. "A little bit."........................ "Now stretch it over your head!".................LMAO!!!!!

 

ShoppingForTwo - November 29

hioannidis you are on a ROLL girl!! You are cracking me up! Keep 'em coming!

 

hioannidis - November 29

A pregnant lady was in an accident and she woke up in the hospital. She noticed she was not pregnant anymore and asked the nurse what happened to her baby............ The nurse said, "You have two healthy babies, a boy and a girl!" The lady said, "Oh, I must name them," but the nurse said, "You were unconscious, so we called your brother, and he named them!".................... The lady said, "But he's as dumb as a box of rocks! So what are their names?"................. The nurse said, "The girl is called "Denise." The woman replied, "Well that is a pretty name, so what did he name my boy?"...................... The nurse replied, "Denephew!"

 

hioannidis - November 29

After going through Lamaze, Leboyer, and La Leche cla__ses with his expectant wife, the proud new father remained by his wife's bedside throughout labor and delivery. Wanting to be as sympathetic as possible, he took his wife's hand afterward and said emotionally, "Tell me how it was, darling, how it actually felt to give birth." "Okay, honey," his wife replied. "Smile as hard as you can." Beaming down beautifully at his wife and newborn child, the man commented, "That's not so hard." She continued, "Now stick a finger in each corner of your mouth." He obeyed, smiling broadly. "Now stretch your lips as far as they'll go," she went on. "Still not too tough," he remarked. "Right," she snapped. "Now pull them over your head."

 

ShoppingForTwo - November 29

Hehehehhe! Hey what are Leboyer cla__ses?

 

hioannidis - November 29

I have no idea.........I'm getting these off the internet! They are making me laugh, it's working!!!!!!!

 

heatherjene - November 29

I love it!!! : )

 

HeatherIsHopeful - November 29

lol those were great.. I dont have any jokes.. I'll post any if I find some :)

 

Jessicab3 - November 29

A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth. The doctor told them that they'd developed a new machine and asked if the couple would like to try it out. The machine could take some of the pain of childbirth from the mother and give it to the father to ease the mother's burden. Well, they thought that was a good idea, and decided to give it a try. The doctor initially set the machine on 10 percent, telling the man that even 10 percent was probably more pain than he'd ever experienced. But the husband was surprised at how little pain he was feeling, and asked the doctor to raise the level. The doctor increased it to 20 percent, and when the man still felt fine, he raised it to 50 and finally 100 percent. After it was all over, the man stood up, and stretched a little. Both he and his wife felt fine, and they shortly left the hospital to take the baby home. It was then that they found the mailman dead on their doorstep.

 

Jessicab3 - November 29

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

 

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