Is This Even In The Right Section

7 Replies
Rachelj22 - February 20

3 days ago i found out i was pregnant. i have taken 4 digital tests, all coming back pregnant. i'm 27, the mother of a 4 year old, and i have been with my boyfriend for 2 plus years. we are very serious, and very in love. we just bought a house in sept and life was going great. A is an AMAZING father to my daughter. i have no doubts he'd be amazing with a baby, but he does NOT want this baby! i have been on bc NEVER missing a pill since sept 5th, 2007. i got pregnant about 10 months ago, but lost the baby at 7 weeks. i did miss one pill last time, i attributed that to my getting pregnant. with my daughter i also never recalled missing a pill, tho i was 22 and in a party stage, so anything could be possible. he doesn't believe me when i say i took my pill on time and every day. he thinks having this baby will slow our lives down, and he has been begging me for the last day to just "get it fixed". he has cried, begged, pleaded, and tried to sell me his case to the point where my anxiety is so high i can barely function. i love him and respect him and i'm SO torn on what to do. i want to have this baby becuz i believe that god has a plan for us, why else would i have gotten pregnant? he loves me, he won't leave me, we're committed to each other, but how can i sacrifice him for my happiness yet get mad at him for expecting the same from me? what do i do? risk him resenting me and our baby? just wait and hope he'll fall in love with the idea of us being pregnant and having a baby? i 'm so confused...i need advise.

 

SamiB - February 20

I do not envy you at all, what a tough situation. I think that either way you've got some tough stuff to deal with. What can you handle? He may resent you or the baby, like you said.. but won't you resent him if you end up ending your pregnancy. I would give it more time, and hope that he comes around. If he loves you and your daughter already I am sure that he will. My thoughts are with you, I hope you can discover the right answer for you and your family.

 

Rachelj22 - February 20

thank you SamiB. i just hate that his is so desperate and depressed about this. he is a small business owner and wanted to start another business in the next couple of years. he wanted us to be married, he wants so much out of our lives and he feels that having this baby will destroy him. in his words he is a "broken man" right now. will he love his baby?

 

Heather - February 20

Hi Rachel, I was in your exact shoes a few year ago. My bf and I were very much in love but we didn't live together and still had our own separate lives. Well, low and behold I got pregnant while on the pill. He didn't want to keep the baby in the beginning and his mother even asked me to terminate the pregnancy because it would ruin my bf's life. I told him that I had already made my decision and he then had the decision of either staying with me and supporting me or not be with me at all. It was a very rough couple of months. We ended up moving in together after a few months and he became very involved and excited about the baby. He went to every appointment with me, we registered for the baby together. We knew we wanted to eventually get married but we didn't want to get married for the wrong reasons or just because we were having a baby together - we wanted to get married because we loved each other and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We got married Nov 06 and our son was 9 months old at our wedding. Neither one of us could imagine our lives any differently and he doesn't in any way have any type of resentment towards our son. I have never seen a man love a baby as much as he loves his little boy. I definitely wouldn't make any decisions now - especially don't end your baby's life for him. If you do choose to go that path you need to make sure it is something YOU want.

 

Rachelj22 - February 20

thank you so much, Heather, that was very encouraging. A is such a loving person, and he throws himself into everything he does, including parenting my daughter. she is as in love with him as i am. i know (hope) he'll come around and our relationship will get back on track, i'm just afraid i'll do damage to our future in the meantime. i am having this baby, i just wish it was something we could both feel pa__sionately about..

 

Saird - February 21

Oh Rachel, you must be so stressed! I got pregnant when I was 20, told bf, he went to the bar and had a double. He barely knew what to say to me for months after. But you should have seen his face when our little girl was born. It was well worth it. He cried and cried and fell in love with her immediately...and more in love with me as well for having her. We got married and life couldn't be better with our relationship. If he is as good a man as you say then he will get over the initial shock and come around. Things do happen for a reason, you are right. But next time you might want to consider other birth control...I"m not so sure the pill is right for you...LOL.

 

newlywed0915 - February 21

Rachel I'm glad you've decided to keep your baby...and its encouraging to read everyones sotires so far. Definitely try not to stress yourself out about it too much. You're right, if this baby wasn't meant to be for you tow, you wouldn't have gotten pregnant. God has a plan for everything. Your bf probably just needs time to get used to the idea that you can't plan everything out in life, down to a "T". Curve b___s are thrown your way...and thats what makes it exciting and mysterious. Sometimes, families ARENT planned...and it turns out to be the best unplanned event ever. COngratulations on your pregnancy, and I hope you have a happy and healthy 9 months! Hang in there hun...he'll come around.

 

cors1wfe - February 21

I am giong to share something that I have only shared with one very close friend of mine - my husband and I married 5 years had 2 sons already 8 and 4 - ended up pregnant while using nuvaring - I was upset because I just knew that my dh was going to freak out - he did - he asked me not to have it - said it just wasn't the time for us - we were done etc etc. - well I went so far as to even make an appointment - then cancel it later - I even spent the first night after telling him at my mom because I just didnt' want to hear all his nonsense as to why it wasn't a good time and that it was better not to have it - it was one of the worst nights of my life - I just thought for sure that I would lose him - then do you know what happened? I WOKE UP - I realized that after all of this time together if he could be that selfish than he wasnt' the man I married nor the man I wanted to spend my life with - I came home I told him we weren't young irresponsible kids and that abortion was not an option for us - I told him that I loved him very much and I am sorry that he was going to feel upset about it for however long but he might as well get used to the idea of another baby because another baby was on the way. I told him that I prayed and hoped that he would not resent me or the baby but I couldn't risk resenting him FOREVER had I done what he wanted - and that was that - I put my foot down and left it up to him - he could stay and accept it or leave and be free- although it was very tense in our home for a few weeks - he came home one day - ready to accept the baby and my decision to have the baby - when we found out it was a girl he was so happy and just hugged and kissed me and THANKED ME for not listening to his selfish stupid talk. He rubs my belly all the time and talks to my belly b___ton like it's a microphone - I know it will be hard and in the end it might not go the way you want but selfishness to that point is very dangerous.....if you want the baby then HAVE the baby - it will be up to him to decide whether to stay or go and you were ok before he came along and you will be ok if he decides to bail - Good luck - You are strong! Do what you have to do for you! Married or not an unplanned pregnancy can really be tough on a couple!

 

ADD A COMMENT:


You must log in to reply.

Are you New to the forum? Sign Up Here! Already a member? Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?
New to the forum?

Sign Up Here!


Already a member?
Please login below.





Forgot your password?
Need Help?  
Start A New Discussion