Unmarried Pregnant Teacher How Should I Handle This

11 Replies
nola-gal - November 9

I am 4 weeks pregnant, unmarried, but in a very committed, stable, loving relationship. I'm 29. And I have very good reason to believe that we will be engaged by the end of the weekend. I teach 12 and 13 year old girls at an elite private school. It's not a religious school, and is actually quite liberal and progressive. However, I am sure that once I start to show, some parents, and maybe even colleagues will have a negative opinion. My mentor teacher, who is also a good friend, told me to be discreet, not say anything until I am showing, and hold myhead high. I will let the headmistress and my other administrators know next week after the doctor confirms it, so that they don;t hear through the grapevine. My mentor assured me that they cannot and will not fire me over it, but that I might get my feelings hurt as I start to show. Even if we get married by then, people can do the math. And like I said, I think we're going to be officially engaged by Monday. It's something we've talked about for a year now, but since I am divorced and he was engaged before, we were not in a rush. Are any of you parents? Would you have a problem with me teaching your daughter? I'm new at the school, and so far have had great feedback. I am also incredibly happy to be pregnant, and don't want to have to hide. It's really the only thing that's making me uneasy. Any advice is appreciated.

 

HeatherIsHopeful - November 9

wow, interesting story... didn't expect to see it here for some reason lol. Im only 19 and pregnant with my first I am married but people still tend to look at me funny because I look my age if not younger, so I know what you mean about getting your feelings hurt. I honestly would have NO problem with an unmarried pregnant woman teaching my kids. I understand that the snooty people that run the school may look down on you and say you are "setting a bad example" but they need to differentiate between single and got knocked up durring a one night stand with a sleezy sc_m bag, and being in a committed relationship with a nice guy and you just aren't legally married yet. This is the 21st century it's time for people to realize that being legally married and committed to one another is only a few signatures difference and has no merit to a persons character or the amount of love they can give to a child. I say flaunt it, if they can't fire you for it then do your thing and make sure your students (and maybe their parents) understand your situation. you are NOT setting a bad example no matter what anyone says. Hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy. -Heather<3

 

jennifer_33106 - November 9

Wow if I can just say, Screw em. This is 2007 not 1950 and unmarried women have children all the time. In My opinion it is none of their bees wax. Having a child out of wedlock does not make you a bad person or an unfit teacher. Be proud and always let them see that. Besides you are going to be engaged soon. So they can kiss your rump. Congrats on the pgy!!

 

sashasmama - November 9

Well, if you are worried about what people would think, then you could do this: (a collaborate plan I thought of, lol) When you fiance proposes, tell everyone at your school. Then about a month after that say "oh, I just found out I'm pregnant!" Nobody will really know the dates, because you won't be showing yet, and you'll already be engaged.

 

ms. optimistik - November 9

By no means would I have a problem with that...todays world there are so many unwed families. You do need to hold your head high. You have love and that is something that alot of others don't have and they are married with kids!!! You can not get fired for that either it is discrimination..what you do on your own time is nobody elses business. Good luck with the pregnancy and many happy moments for you and yours!!!!

 

Tory1980 - November 9

I wouldn't have a problem with you teaching my kids. As for the maths I get that too. I fell pregnant when I was 21 and it was un-planned. I was on the Pill. We got engaged over New Year and set the date for the wedding in the July. I found out in the March I was pregnant. When I was scanned they discovered I was 13w5d and he came early at 34weeks. It took a long time before people realised we weren't lying and that we didn't know I was pregnant before the engagement. I would say to be honest with the kids though because they will ask questions (a friend of mine is a teacher and she gets asked frequently about the pregnancy now she is showing). Like HeatherIs Hopeful said, there is a difference bewtween a grown women in a committed relationship falling pregnant and someone who falls pregnant to a guy they don't know! Congratulations on your pregnancy and ignore the school. Hold your head high as you deserve to be happy with your little one on the way.

 

nola-gal - November 9

thanks so much for all the advice, y'all! i really, really appreciate it! i feel a lot better. and really, i don't give a hoot what parents might think...this pregnancy is a blessing and no one can deny that. thanks again! this forum is the best!

 

kay101 - November 9

Geez that's a tough one. I remember in middle school and high school, for the most part, I didn't know which of my teachers were married and which of my teachers had kids. Some of them shared stories, some kept their private life to themselves. I don't think the first question on your students or their parents mind is going to be, "Oh she's pregnant, I wonder if she's married?" More than likely they will a__sume you are. I don't mean to sound rude, but honestly it's none of the staffs business what goes on in your personal life unless it effects your ability to teach (i.e. a drug or alcohol problem). Most women wait until they are 12 weeks, beginning their second trimester, to discuss their pregnancy and maternity plans with their boss. Since you teach, I'm a__suming you don't really have to lift anything heavy or do anything that you might need a__sistance with due to the pregnancy. Take your time and tell them when you're ready. I have a little girl and I really wouldn't care if her teacher was pregnant, married or unmarried. It wouldn't effect the way she was being taught.

 

Newlywed - November 10

Hiya. I am totally with you all on this one. Good response Jennifer! I definitely think that you should hold your head high and not worry what they thing. As long as you and your partner are thrilled to bits then it really isnt a concern for anyone else. I hope you have a lovely weekend and that the proposal is everything you could wish for!!! x

 

nola-gal - November 11

thanks again for all the positive advice!!! and you know what? my boyfriend proposed tonight. it was wonderful, with both of our parents there. i just feel so great! thanks again for being so positive, y'all. i really appreciate it!

 

jennifer_33106 - November 11

Oh congrats and I wish you a life time of happiness!!!

 

kay101 - November 11

Congratulations hun! People will see that ring on your finger and just a__sume you're married. See, no worries!

 

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