A Scared Husband

25 Replies
Matt - August 26

I have a couple of questions to ask. To preface this, my wife and I had some issues a couple months ago, and she had unprotected s_x with another man. We have since been trying to reconcile, and things are looking okay. Today, she took a e.p.t pregnancy test, and it had one blue vertical line in the round part and a vertical line in the box. I called ept and they said that "generally" it is a positive result, which brings me to my next question.My wife had her period after the instance of infidelity, and she said that it lasted for 3 or 4 days. She said that it wasn't spotting, it was a normal red blood just like any other of her periods have been. We have intercourse twice since her last period, now she is approximatly 1 week late. I know that mensturation stops once a woman becomes pregnant, but is it possible to have a period the first month after you conceive? My final question is how accurate can a unltrasound be in estimating a conception date? I am just trying to ease my mind that there is no doubt that if she is pregnant, the child is mine.

 

Ashley - August 26

www.christiananswers.net go here and go to the site info. click on links and resources.(this will be on the left side of page.) then click on "life before birth" At the bottom of the page is a Handy pregnancy Calculator. I hope this helps.

 

Ranya - August 26

The ultrasound will not be an entire month off, so it should be able to tell you which time she became pregnant. Usually, especially in the begining, the ultrasound due date will be within days of the one calculated from the last menstrual period.

 

Lizzi - August 26

could u get a paternity test? i know that here in australia you can get one before the child is born, but if you didnt want to risk this you could get one after the baby is born to ease ur mind otehrwise u mite not ever be satisfied

 

K - August 26

An ultrasound will be the best way to go in determining gestation age. She will need the scan before 15 weeks to get the best accuracy. However, at 15+ weeks the month of conception can still be determined. Based on your description of your wife's last period and a__suming that that period was not late, I think it is highly likely that the child is yours. Whatever the outcome, I wish you both luck in resolving your problems.

 

Narcissus - August 26

Matt, If she had her period before, she most likely was not pregnant from the other man, especially if she bled at the usual time she would expect it. Still, I would have a pat test done b/c if you are anything like me, I would have a difficult time believing that she would tell you if she did not get her period that month, and maybe she had planned intercourse w/ you and took a test this month to make you think you were the father. I do not know you or your wife, but I suspect you wonder the same thing. Find out early, before you bond with the child. There will be people that do not like what I said, but it is only said to protect the child from the heartache of having a dad who never bonds the way he would if he knew for sure that he was the father. Good luck! I am sorry that you are dealing with this. My heart goes out to you and your wife.

 

Lynnn - August 26

Matt I am so sorry to hear of your heartache, I think the last poster Narcissus made some good points though, it must be hard what you are going through. But, if you decided to take her back after cheating on you then are you gonna trust her from now on and not doubt everything she says and does? Because if this child is yours and you doubted her, you could be looking at whole another set of problems later on..gl2u2 and keep us posted :)

 

Matt - August 27

I want to thank everyone for all of their input, I really appreciate it. My wife took another pregnancy test this morning, this time it was a First Response, and it came up positive.We are reasonably certain that she is pregnant now. I am feeling a little better now about everything, but being the "the gla__s is half empty" person that I am, I still wonder. I had called America's Pregnany Helpline this morning, and they were very helpful. I asked if it was still possible to have a period while your pregnant, and she said that some women do bleed during pregnancy, but it is usually much lighter than a regular period. Well, today I read that some women actually do have their period while they are pregnant. I am so confused, scared and I feel so helpless right now. We want to be excited, but we just can't. It really sucks. I asked my wife what her heart tells her and she says that she's pretty certain that the baby is mine. Gosh this hurts so much. We have scheduled an appointment with her ob/gyn for the 20th of September, and from narrowing down as to when her period was, we figure that she is about 6 1/2 weeks along right now. I have read that and amniocentesis can be done to determine paternity. I was wondering what the risks of having an amniocentesis are, and if there is any side effects to the baby or my wife. Also, when we have the ultrasound done, she will be 10 weeks along based upon her last period. If the child is not mine, she would be about 14 weeks. My question is will there be enough growth in the fetus to tell the difference between 10 and 14 weeks? I cannot begin to describe how much this hurts, not only me, but my wife too. It's all I can do to keep from crying as I type this. We have a little boy that just turned 4 this last month, and we were so excited to tell everyone when we found out that my wife was pregnant with him and it hurts so much not to be able to tell everyone that we are having another one, when we don't know for sure if I'm the daddy or not. She has said that if I'm not the daddy, she wants to terminate the pregnancy. I'm so torn up inside right now, I don't even know how to answer that, but I do know that it's not for me to decide. The last thing that I ask is to please keep us in your prayers. Thank you again for all of your help and support.

 

Z - August 27

something I can never get out of my mind is how I used to watch the neighbours truck through our living room window it would rock back and forth at least once a week with the neighbours wife and some guy ( with who knows who ? ) I felt bad for the husband who just closed himself off to everyone and the world I think to avoid shame but he stuck with her and even 25 years later they were still together . Sad but at this point I can only say the child needs a father , either way .

 

Narcissus - August 27

Hey Matt, the ultrasound should be pretty acurate in determining whether the fetus is 10 weeks or 14 weeks. It really all depends on the quality of the machine that is being used. If it is a v____al us, it should be accurate enough that you could feel fairly confident about the child's paternity. Amnios have there own risks a__sociated with them, and by the time she could have one, an abortion might be unthinkable for both of you. Also, if you found out the child was not yours via an amnio, the stress of the pregnancy could lead her to not take care of herself, thus the fetus. If I were in your shoes, I would want my spouse to stick with the ultrasounds. You sound like such a supportive and wonderful husband. Bless your heart and best wishes over and over!

 

michelle - August 27

matt what you wrote this morning had me crying i am so sorry to hear of all this. i myself with my first child had a period for 4 months and with my pregnancy now i didn't have one at all after conception. however the u/s will be able to tell a 4 week differance i am a radiology tech and ultrasounds are really accurate. mine u/s was to the exact day. i really hope for your sake everyting comes out good for you. god bless and i am praying for you and your family

 

Missa - August 27

It sounds to melike you are a well rounded person and that you are very turn up by what is going on. I can imagen what you are going through to a certain extend and I am so sorry that you hav been put into this situation. The question that you have to ask yourself, is does it really matter if it is yours or not. Will you love that child no matter what. You are a really supportive husband with a large heart. If you have forgiven her, then it might be best not to take the test, to find out paternity. Just love that child, the way you love your 4 year old. Someone stated that your wife if she where to find out it was not yours might not take care of herself or the baby, that may be true in this instance and you also have to think about that before asking for a paternity test. You are a good man and I will be praying for you. TO bad there are not many men out there in the world today who are so caring and considerate as you.

 

Mary - August 27

Just to rea__sure you once more (like other women have here). The ultrasound is a pretty good tool to determine the age of the embrio. I am over 35 and had the choice of several tests (genetic and not) to be done at a certain time on the pregnancy: at 12 weeks, at 14 and at 16. The ultrasound determined those dates for me so the tests could be performed timely. There is also the HCG level that along with the measurements and development of the embrio that can be seen in the utrasound, help determine the age of the same. Women do not usually bleed normaly (get their period) when they are pregnant, the majority do not get their period. So the probabilites are on your side. Have faith that the little one is yours and that this creature will bring you both together with love. :) Congratulations!

 

Matt - August 27

My wife and I had sat down today and tried to really think when her incident of infidelity happened, and she is reasonable certain that it was somewhere between the 7th and 9th of July. The best that we can determine is that her period started on somewhere between the 11th and 13th of July. My wife and I had intercourse somewhere between 24th and 26th. I've read that based on a 28 day cycle, the average woman ovulates around the 14th day of her cycle. Given these dates, I'm wondering if this increases the odds of me being the baby's daddy. We are just trying to take this one day at a time, and I told her this morning that we would get through this trying time together, and that I would never abandon her. Do you think that it would be best to inform her ob/gyn of what had happened and that we are concerned about who the daddy might be? We are just trying really hard to feel better about this whole thing. I never really wanted to know when, where or how, (the whole ignorance is is bliss thing) but after narrowing down the dates of everything, we feel a tad bit better, but still not 100% If anyone out there is cheating or thinking about cheating on your signifigant other, think about all of the people who could be hurt by a single act of infidelity. I would not wish all of the hurt, anguish and the feeling of complete and total helplesness that I have felt upon my own worst enemy. Thank you all again for all of your support, your words of advice and support helps more than you will ever know.

 

Lena - August 27

Any good u/s technician will be able to determine your baby's conception date within a few days at anytime during gestation. During the first trimester we measure the crown to rump and during the second and third trimester we measure heart size.

 

Narcissus - August 28

Matt, you had intercourse during the most fertile time in a woman's cycle. Yes, be honest with the doctor... She may help you by ordering a better quality ultrasound. My doc's office had an old/dated us machine, but I would go to a different location for my 3-D ultrasounds. Once the baby is born, a simple and painless paternity test will grant you a lifetime of peace.

 

CC - August 28

Not to keep the clouds above you, Matt-- but you also need to seriously talk to your wife about fidelity. If she had cheated once, she could again. Or in between...? Just saying that you really have to put your foot down or else this time IF you turn out to be the father. You won't want a wife who's the town's girlfriend each time you have an issue.

 

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