Am I Stressing For No Reason

13 Replies
Leahp - April 5

Hi everyone, yesterday was a horrible day!! I've been getting myself real worked up about the in-laws, my husbands mom is a very sweet lady but she doesn't know when to back off, she always buys stuff for our house and when they come to visit she asks where it's at and it's driving me nuts!!! Now with this baby on the way that's all she does is shop, she called the other day and said she bought a hundred dollars worth of clothes, from a thrift shop on top of it, but I guess they're all new from dept. stores that couldn't sell them, but can you imagine how many clothes that is!! Now I feel overwhelmed, like my parade is being raided on and like the fun is being taken out of shopping for my husband and I, they're buying the whole wardrobe for this baby and I'm only 4 months!! What is a women to do!! I know she thinks she's only helping, but a few outfits here and there are fine but I find buying more and more clothes to be an invasion on my own personal preference!! Am I getting stressed over nothing!! I just don't know if I should write a letter and express my feelings now before it goes too far or what!! My husband said he would take care of it and he's been great letting them know to butt out when they need too.

 

Foxy - April 5

I have the same problem with my own mother. I went on holiday, and when I came back she'd bought a moses basket, a bouncing chair, toys and tons of clothes. You'd think it was HER baby rather than mine! I've been waiting for a baby for years and I was looking forward to picking out all this stuff for myself, but I don't want to hurt her feelings or seem ungrateful. On the plus side, she has also bought a hell of a lot of very practical things like disposable nappies, lotions, powders, medicines, b___st pads, nipple cream, bottle warmer/strerilizer and a million things I would never even have thought of. Maybe you could hint to your mother in law that you have so many clothes but what you really need is practical things that work out expensive in the long run, like nappies etc. Or you could just take a stand and only put the baby in the clothes you buy for it and hope she gets the message. Is it her first grandchild? Maybe she's just over-exicited. She probably doesn't even have a clue that she's actually being a pain in the a__s.

 

rose - April 5

there is no easy way to tell her to back off...is this her 1st grandchild??? you could always accept her gifts and then donate them or sell them to thrift stores...or ask her for a receipt and exchange them...or tell her that you beleive in the old wives tale "its bad luck to shop for these things before the baby is born" she will most likely be offended in some way no matter how you do it but this is your pregnancy and you deserve these little pleasures!!! she will get over it.....good luck

 

Leahp - April 5

Wow! thanks ladies, your support and advice makes me feel sooooo much better!!! This is her first grandchild!!! I know there is no easy way of putting it for her to back off, but basically my husband said, you know how she loves to shop we'll take the stuff in and pick out what we like and get rid of the rest and all I could say was, ok I hope your there next time to back me up when she askes where everything is at!!! It just puts me in such an uncomfortable situation!!! But it is a good idea to hint for her to spend the money on practical things. I have thought about keeping most of the clothes she buys in the bas____nt and keeping the things I buy upstairs, but hey gals, you gotta admit dressing our babies is the funnest and way of expression and personality!!! I guess I'm lucky my mother in-law has good taste!! But I'm just sooo overwhelmed and I am kind of a believer in waiting till the baby is here to go crazy with buying stuff, I've heard of too many horror stories even though our chances of delivering this baby healthy are in our favor, I still am anxious and nervous of allowing myself to be overly excited, I tend to guard my heart but after feeling the little tike the other day for the first time, you can't help but fall in love!!!!

 

nhb - April 5

I don't think you're overreacting--it's your baby, you should have the choice to get what you want. I'd either have your husband tell her that while it's appreciated, your baby can only wear so many things--or have her buy bigger clothes for later on, or, like the other post said, just practical things that you know you're going to need lots of anyway. You're pregnant--there's no such thing as overreacting! Good luck and congratulations!!

 

c - April 5

There is no easy way on telling an in-law to you know...but you have to nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand in fact it sounds like its already outta hand.Thats they way they can be sometimes ..but dont get yurself stressed out b/c of her let your husband know and as your husband he should not take it to heart that hes moms is taking all the fun out of it for you. Thats what i think

 

Leahp - April 5

So do you gals think I should write a card myself and express the way I feel or allow the hubby to do it!! Which do you think will make a greater impact or is it better to just stay quite about it.

 

jena - April 5

have hubby do it!!! it will cause MUCH less tension, in my humble opinion. :) plus, if he's willing to, that's great!!

 

Foxy - April 6

It will sound better coming from your hubby.

 

~m~ - April 6

Hey Leahp! Are you holding down StL? :o) First off, you are soooooo NOT over-reacting. Second, I would DEFINITELY allow hubby to take care of it. Like jena said, much less tension. And mothers are more forgiving of their sons than of their daughters-in-law. Let her get mad at him, that way she'll get over it quick. I so know what you mean. My m-i-l used to be that way, but my hubby finally started putting her in her place, and all is well now. Leah, you have 5 months left in this pregnancy, ask your hubby to take care of it now. Otherwise, it will get worse, and the LAST thing you need is more stress. Besides that, you probably don't even know the s_x yet, do you? So there are a lot of gender specific things you may prefer over the neutral things I suspect she is buying now. And even with gender specific it's not the wisest idea to buy the stores out until you make sure the s_x is what the doc says it is going to be. She so needs to chill on the stockpiling of baby things. I wish you the best of luck! I know in-law stuff can be really complicated! Take care of yourself!

 

c - April 6

I think you should let he Mr take care of that part because then after that maybe she will come to you and say she sorr about it it really depends om the type of person that she is

 

Misty - April 6

Sounds to me like you are a pretty lucky lady to have such a cooperative husband. Some men out there would get mad because their mom is trying to help and you are getting mad at her for doing it. No you definately wouldn't be mad at her. She is going overboard quite a bit and not alowing you the excitement of getting things that you want for your baby. As long as she restrains herself from being indulgent grandma after your hubby talks to her then I would say you have nothing to worry about and you are lucky to have married into such a good family.

 

Sonya - April 6

Let your husband handle it. I have found that works best. I know how you feel but in the end the most important thing is that your baby has everything it needs and that it is loved. It sounds like you have all of that covered. Good luck.

 

Leahp - April 6

Thanks gals!!! I talked to hubby last night and he pretty much said, that she gets joy out of this and just to let her do her thing and we'll sort through and just take the stuff we like, he's just really concerned because she lives all the way in Colorado and will really only be a twice a year grandmother, so then I feel like I'm being harsh! He said he will tell her to tone it down. YEP! I'm trying ~m~ to hold down the STL!!! It's been beautiful weather, I'm ready for washers and float trips! How are things with you and the fam?? Thank you again for all your advice ladies!!!

 

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