Boyfriend Doesnt Want To Be At The Birth

5 Replies
babyonboard - April 26

it;'s still a long way off yet, but my boyfriend says he definitly doesnt want to be in the delivery room..he says he will wait right outside, but he doesn't want to see the blood and guts. i can'thelp but think that the moment the baby comes out will be one of the most special in our lives and i want him to be there so we can share it. I'd also like to have someones fingers to squeeze the h__l out of, and shout at! he you think when the time comes he won't be able to resist? or is this something that men often decide to do?


BBK - April 26

Ah the good ol'days when men waited outside smoking :-) It's difficult for us to watch you being in such pain (if natural) and when the baby first comes out, it's all bloody and lifeless-like..... it's scary. As for a c-section.....that's hardhore! Honestly, I have the same feelings, like your bf but I'll suck it up and do it. For one, I don't want to leave my wife alone in a difficult moment. Second, like you say the baby will come out and I want to be there. But, I'll be looking towards her face the whole time. Just tell him it would mean a lot to you for him to be there and he doens't have to cut the cord or anything, and he can be looking towards your face the whole time..... good luck


CC - April 26

Not having the dad present is a decision that I made, but it's understood that he will be waiting right outside should I change my mind. I don't want anyone I love in there with me, but that is a personal choice. I just find it much harder to see people I love in pain, harder than going through my own pain, and I do not want to subject anyone to that with me in what is a necessary process. I just want him near enough that he can come in should I desperately need him. Some people say I am making him miss out on a very special moment, but he has said he is fine with it and would just stay nearby. If he told me he absolutely wanted to be there, we would have to talk about it more, but so far this is our decision. I really think it depends on the person. One thing though, you might get him to talk to some of his male friends who have attended the birth. My bf has friends who say they would not have missed that moment for the world, and others who say they were left quite traumatized by it. I think in the end it has to be a matter of choice, not a forced decision, but everyone's feelings (including mom's) should be taken into consideration. And who knows how we will react once the moment is actually here? Best of luck, and hope you both find a common ground here...


Maleficent - April 26

my husband had some reservations about it. he never said he didn't want to be there (thank god! i would have killed him if he left me alone with strangers to go through the scariest and most exciting moment of my life) he insisted he would be up at my end of the bed and not watch the actuall birth. then it started, and he took a peek, and he was so amazed that if the doctor had offered to let him deliver the baby i think he would have. he was not grossed out at all. he's more excited about doing it a 3rd time than i am.


Karen - April 26

I would not worry about it too much. I still have a ways to go too and my bf has mixed feelings. One day he is ok going and next day he does not know for sure. I have decided to play it by air. If when the time comes and he is not confortable I try to understand cause the last thing I need is someone being unconfortable and make me more nevrous and unconfortable. I think I would be more anoid at that.


Caren - April 26

My hubby was the same way. Until I told him there would be doctors, nurses, and residents putting hands and fingers in certain places. He got all flustered and said, "Well, maybe I should be there just to make sure you're comfortable with them doing that stuff." He's always been super protective of me so I knew that stradegy would work. You might try getting a book on labor so he can see what to expect. Get him used to the images. He might warm up to the idea.



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