Can Anyone Offer Me Any Guidance

8 Replies
Me. - June 25

Hi, I need some guidance. I am 17, and I had an abortion back in october. I have been with my boyfriend for two years now. We wanted that baby, but then my parents dominated over me and convinced me that was my only choice. It really tore my boyfriend and I apart because that was our creation and we knew what was going on ya know? Yah, I realize we're young but we're not stupid. Anyways, now we want to try again.. but we don't want our parents controlling us. We are going to wait until next year at least until i graduate (he graduated two years ago), because we know that's at least something smart we could do. I just need some opinions on what you think I should do about my situation? Also, Is it Legal to move out when you're 17 without parents permission and with out getting emancipated?? ANYone know?? Please HELP!! Any advice would HELP!! Thanks :D!! take care everyone- Me..


Melissa - June 25

Well, I would definitely rethink trying for another baby at this point in your life. Even after you graduate, having a baby at 18 is very young. If I were you, I would put having a baby on the back burner and think about the future. You are so young, you have soooo much time ahead of you to have children. What about college? Doing things you want to do like traveling or anything else that would be very hard to do with a baby. Once you have a baby, your whole world changes. Everything you do is for your child, you have so many responsibilities and have to make sure you are able to support that child emotionally, finacially, and in many other ways. You will not be free to do the things you could do without having a child. If you decide you want to go to college, it is very hard to do that with a child. Plus, it sounds as if you will not have the help and support of your parents. If you really love your boyfriend, and you feel that he is the man you want to have your children with, you should seriously consider marrying him before you have any children. I can't tell you what to do, but it sounds to me that you need to really think about have a baby long and hard. Babies are wonderful, don't get me wrong, I have two of my own. But, don't be in such a hurry. I am sorry about the baby you had to give up to abortion. That is tragic. God has a plan for your life and you should definitely be careful with the choices you make, they are for a lifetime. You can move out whenever you want, but you have to be 18 to be considered an adult. Is moving out really the best option you have? Keep us posted and I'll be praying for you.


Me. - June 25

Hi, Thanks for the reply. See, I really need some stern advice like that because I know thats reality. Yes, I do plan on going to college and I know it'd be so much harder getting thru college with a baby as my life. It feels like I am so anxious to grow up and I hate it. I'm not even sure why I have those feelings either. I really am planning on being married to my boyfriend before having kids, I think that's the right choice. Thanks Melissa for telling me like it is.. Cause I know what you are saying is the right thing, It's just hard when you you dont have anyone to turn to except for my boyfriend but he wants the same thing I do. I just got to remind myself that I still have a lot to do before I have a child. *sighhs* hopefully I'll realize it was smart I waited. I know you realize everything when you get older. I just hope I can realize it sooner this time!! With my abortion I know it was a sin, and i know I can't justify my actions, and I wish I could explain it.. Urgg.. let me just say I don't like myself for letting myself get in that position. That's why I want to be so careful now to have the right timing and planning before getting pregnant. I just need strong women to guide me in the right direction and give me support to do the right thing.


lex - June 25

hi i had my son at 17 im now 20 and me and my partner was trying for our son. We was young but it's the best thing i have ever done. i was nervous about telling my parants they were upset and shouted a bit but they soon got use to it. We r now trying for our second and r very happy. So u can start a family young and itdoes work but i would wait until u graduate. im not sure where u live but in england you can leave your parants house and live in a hostel until the council give u a house of your own. good luck tell me what u decide.


Shelly - June 25

I'm glad to see you are hearing what Melissa has said. No one really knows, or can even imagine what kind of a change a child is to your life. I have 2 kids--12 & almost 18. I haven't had more than a few hours at a time to myself for the last 18 years. I'm not saying that's bad, it's not. But, I wouldn't have wanted to start those 18 years at your young age. Get a college degree so you can raise your children in a good environment. Money isn't the most important thing, but it sure comes in handy when you don't want your kids to suffer either physically or emotionally. You're a smart girl, You have plenty of time. Make a plan first. Don't jump in blindly. I wish you all the happiness you seek, and may you have a wonderful relationship with your husband and children. That is what happiness is made of.


mjs - June 25

Well, I think you have been given some sound advice so far. I moved out at 17 and was married at 19 and haven't been happier. There is no reason you can't get married when you are of age and let this unfortunate experience make both of you stronger. My husband and I chose to try right away for a child. Now that I look back we were fortunate that we were unable to concieve for 7+ years. I had some medical issues that need to be handled, but if we would have been successful we wouldn't have been able to do all the things we wanted to do with our children. I am a couple months from giving birth to my second child. Because of the delay in having children we are now able to take them to visit my in-laws in Florida every now and then and take family vacations. If we would have been successful in having children right away we would be able to do the stuff we can today. Get married, get your education, and then plan for children. It will make your life a lot easier. Plus, dating someone is not the same as living with them and you need to work out those bumps in your relationship yet. Good luck.


Beth - June 25

I have to agree with Melissa and Shelly. They give great advice. You seem like a very smart girl. I have a feeling that you and your boyfriend will make the right decision for the both of you. Good luck!


Me. - June 25

Thanks everyone for the wonderful advice. It's all exactly what I needed to hear. I just need have that nice kick in the b___t once in awhile. Thanks girls, It's much appriciated :D


Melissa - June 25

I am glad you feel better about your situation. You have a bright future ahead of you and the sky is the limit. There is a time for everything! Take advantage of being 17, you have so many options and roads you can take. Make the right choices, be careful and most of all be true to yourself. Best of Luck and if you need anyone to talk to again, I am sure any of us would be more than happy to give you some more "words of wisdom"!



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