Can I Get Some Advise Please

8 Replies
sammy - March 19

I am about 9wks preggers, and my boyfriend ((who never wanted to be a dad)) can't swallow the fact he is going to be one. I have colitis as well, and my nerves have been really shaken up. We dated for 5 years, took 1 year break, and are now back together trying to make it work. This wasn't in the plan right away, but I don't think it is bad news. It is not best timing news, but it is workable. He wont talk to me about it, doesn't want me to talk about it, and he also suggested to terminate the pregnancy. We live in the same house, but have our own rooms. I pay rent and bills for both of us. I the interest of my own health and sanity... if I kick him out, is this wrong?? He is driving me crazy!


jen - March 19

it's not wrong to kick him out if you are 100% sure you can do this on your own. but if you are only 9 weeks pregnant it is early days yet. it is a huge life change for both of you and is a lot to take in. give him time to come to terms with it himself as you cant force him to accept it, but even if he is not around, he is still going to be a father. keep your spirits up as you will find you are very emotional at the moment too. there are loads of people on here and at your health clinics who can be of support when you are feeling low. good luck x


Sammy - March 20

Thank you Jen. I guess it is just hard to hear someone suggest an abortion all the time, due to the fact that he doesn't ever want to be a dad. I am still hopeful he will come around, I just don't know if I can stay sane with him the way he is right now... I guess I am hoping if he moves out or I move out, he may not feel so pressured, and come back on his own? I just don't want to hate him in the mean time. We go out and he ignores me, and flirts with other girls... then we come home and he talks. I have had to sleep on the couch since we found out because he is pushing me away so hard. This is normal???


Heather - March 20

Sammy... First of all congrats! If you are not upset about your pregnancy then you should be happy even though your bf is not. That being said I have to say that if I were in your situations I would boot his a__s out! 1. He is suggesting an abortion all the time. He clearly has NO respect for your decision if he is pressuring you all the time. 2. He's a mooch! You are paying all the bills as well as rent... Is he going to be able to help support the baby when it comes?? Not if he’s telling you to get an abortion and that he’s “never wanted to be a dad.” How old is he? Your life has just taken a HUGE turn... You are going to be a mother! It isn't about you and the bf anymore. It's about you and baby. No matter what happens between you and your bf... You will always have the baby. He can run out. Baby won't. Keep that in mind the next time you pay the bills for him. Oh yea.. And 3. If he is flirting with other girls and ignoring you... I would certainly not put up with it. If he's taking you with him somewhere and then treats you like that publicly... I'd go right up to the chick he's flirting with and tell her you're pregnant with his baby. Hopefully she will run and he will straighten his act out. There is nothing more that gets someone's attention that you mean business when you embarra__s them. What do you have to loose? Good luck sweetie. And please… Take control of this situation now. Don’t wait.


Heather - March 20

Holy Thank you soooo much! You are great for the spirits! I am glad you understnad that I am trying to put baby and I first since he is unable to shed a positive light on this situation at all. Zero effort. I have spoke to him, and I said that if he can't find it in him to try to work through this with me, and he feels he is going to remain against me, I suggested he find a place to ease the burden on me and allow me to spread some joy over this happy time. He said he will start looking tomorrow. At least baby and I will be fine! Thank you again Heather! ( and thanks for understnading me insecurities about the flirting. (sign of relief) maybe I am not going nuts. I have a huge heart - I just don't want it to get trampled on and risking hurting the little one in the process.


sammy - March 20

hahaha... sorry heather ... that last one that says it was from you was from me.. I meant to put it To you not from you...sorry


leslie - March 20

Congrats! on your baby! I kind of know how you feel..been there..not exact situation but opinion is...How dare he tells you to have an abortion if he is not even been responsible for you or the baby??? and about sleeping in separate rooms??? Does not sound good specially when a baby is on its should make decitions thinking of your baby not on your good for nothing bf!! you need his support not his long face about the comming of this beautiful baby..but its your desition so all I can say is GOOD LUCK!


Sammy - March 20

Thank you Leslie! You seem to offer good advice all the time too! Let me know if I can be an I guess a set of eyes (hahaha) to anyone! I would be happy to return the favour! Thank you all again!


Heather - March 21

One thing to say... I'm proud of you girl! GOOD for you for taking these steps. One of the things you will need more than ANYTHING is positive support! Keep us posted on how it goes. I'd be curious if he comes running back in 6 months. Oh... How old is he?? Just curious. Take care :)



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