Daycare Or Chain Smoking Babysitter

18 Replies
krc - January 31

Im posting this here because nobody visits the back to work issues thread. I have 2 choices..put 6 week old in gov't assisted day care or let chain smoking grandma who doesn't open up windows babysit? What would you do? And I know this sounds silly..but if your baby is in daycare more hours a day than you see him/her, does that affect the bond? This is my 1st child and whether the baby is with grandma or daycare it just seems that everyone else will see my baby more than me and so im afraid of losing a connection. Some advice/support would be great !!! Im only 14 weeks and cry at the thought of not being with my baby because of work!!!


S - January 31

I worried about the same thing when i went back to work. I was a basket case!!! I cried and cried the first day. I left her with my brothers wife, she keeps 1 other child and she is one of my best worries there....she does smoke, but she doesn't smoke in the house. I would NEVER let my baby stay with her if she smoked in the house!!!! I smoke also, but I would never smoke anywhere near my child. I would 100% choose the daycare. You said Gov't a__sisted....does that mean that the Gov't helps you pay the daycare cost, or it's actually funded in part by the Gov't? I think your choice is clear. Opt for the daycare if you have no other choice.....


S - January 31

LN030905, you make a good point... about the second hand smoke, not only does it stink it is also a risk factor for SIDS and Asthma.


karine - January 31

I would definitly have a talk with grandma, to see if she is willing to smoke beside open windows, or outside. If not, then i would opt for the daycare


krc - January 31

when i said gov't a__sisted I meant as in I get a__sistance to pay for daycare. In that case Im not sure if I can still choose any daycare. I live on the not-so-great side of town and imagine these daycare to be crummy. But I am also judging when I've never been to one. As for grandma....maybe if the weather is nice she opens the door in her kitchen and sits at the table mostly but their is no fan so circulation. Her daughter's baby is 5 months and I've seen the way these people " raise " a baby. Grandma will hold baby in lap with a cig next to her in the ashtray and the smoke can be b__wing right in her and baby's face !!!! And baby spends most of the time in swinging chair. I love these people very much, just dont agree with their ways. Also there's alot of yelling in that house. I want my baby to hear sweet loving voices..not yelling and cussing, and other children running around and throwing fits. It's a mad house over there!! But......I really can't afford daycare. How do I know at daycare the baby wont sit all day, or the people wont mistreat it? I scared to death of daycares ! I also heard my baby will stay sick in a daycare. Any more opinions would be great!


krc - January 31

p.s ) smoking grandma isn't my relative


pbj - January 31

I say daycare and I'm not a fan of daycare. Second hand smoke is so, so, so bad for your baby. I am an ex-smoker, I quit when I found out I was pregnant. Not only that when I was younger I worked in a govt. sponsered daycare. It is difficult because your child does not get one on one attention, but they learn to socialize much better and if the people there love your child as much as I loved the kids I had in my's well worth it.


Ba8y6irl - January 31

daycare is a better choice than lung disease or death... sorry to put it so bluntly but either way you will be away from them, so if you had to make a healthy choice then daycare is your best option...


karine - January 31

Well....if their is also yelling and cussing, i would DEFINITLY NOT EVEN consider bringing my baby there!!!!! ' If you cant afford a daycare, can you try and find someone that watches a couples of kids for cheap? I watch a couple of kids, for extra money, but also so my kids can have "social interaction" i dont charge alot...from 15-20$day. if i were you i would really not even consider the grandma. It is definitly not a good environment for your baby. If you cant pay the daycare or if you cant find a nice lady to babysite, than maybe you should stay home, and become a babysitter to make the extra money.


Been There - January 31

A lot of people seem down on daycare, but I've always been fine with them. Maybe I've been lucky, but my children were taken care of by very loving caregivers. Even if we see them while we're out, my children get hugs. My children were always happy to see me and I've never felt like they were not feeling loved by me or didn't still recognize me as their primary care giver. They always have. I've always been able to stop by when I wanted. There may be some daycares that aren't good out there, but when I walk in and meet the caregivers, watch how the other children react to them, I get a feeling. If I can't see myself there, then I can't see my child there. I've had good experiences with daycare and do recommend them.


Drew - January 31

Daycare is probably the best thing I ever did (as far as child care goes) for my daughter, now 7. Daycares usually have really organized, scheduled days, so your child eats, naps, ect at the same time every day. The meal(s) and snacks your child eats there are usually based on the four food groups, and they usually have to provide a rough menu for the month so you know what your child will be eating. They also have age appropriate activites that stimulate the children, unlike a babysitter which may just plunk your child down in front of the tv for the day. I don't believe that the bond you and your child share will be any different if he/she attends daycare than it would with a babysitter. And, as a previous poster has said, government daycares are watched pretty closely, where a private babysitter does not have to answer to any regulations. Plus I think the whole smoking thing would make me say no right off the bat! I don't know what daycare is like where you are, but I was subsidised and still got to chose which daycare my child attended. Good luck with your decision, I know it's a hard one to make!


Jbear - January 31

I have a friend who gets government a__sistance for daycare. There are a bunch of different daycares that she can pick from. I also know people who drive across town to leave their kids at a better daycare than the ones in their neighborhoods. The money you actually have to pay for the daycare (usually you have to pay part) will end up coming back to you in your tax refund. I would go with the daycare if I were'll have more say over what they do (feeding, frequency of diaper changes, etc) than you would with a relative. Also, second-hand smoke is a big sids risk. Daycare caregivers are trained in infant cpr and first aid, too. You'll be able to bond with your baby even if you have to'll probably take off at least six weeks to recover from the birth and get to know your baby.


Ba8y6irl - February 1

I dont think you are going to find anyone who agrees with the grandma over the daycare :) It looks to unanimous!


mom2 - February 1

I had a__sistance and I LOVED my day care...i was able to choose from a list my son went there from four months all the way untill 2 1/2 it gives them good social skills and they really learn how to follow instructions in a environment where other kids are doing the same. they learn a can visit the day cares and pick one you like in most states, i could even watch him online from my dest at work! Your mommy so the bond will be there your there when it counts and no one will replace you.good luck with your decision.


krc - February 2

I dont mind putting my baby in daycare when it's 3-4 months or's just the 6 weeks which is killing me. I was reading online and most sites said that their immune systems aren't fully developed then. But....I think I have a plan ladies !!!! I have 6 months, well maybe 5 1/2 I can still work. I calculated that I can save enough money to pay my bills & cover basic needs for 4 - 6 months after baby is born. I will have to quit my job but Im not worried about that. I can always find another one. I really want to be home with my baby. Of course If something happens and I can't save the money than daycare it is.


Chas - February 2

i agree Krc, I too have a mom that smokes. I have thought time and time again what I will do for a sitter when I do have a baby and need to go back to work. I have a hospital job and work 3- 12 hr shifts a week, so I will still have a lot of time to spend with my child, but I would love my mother to keep the baby when I do have work, but she smokes something fierce! so does my dad and both in the house. I have talked to her about this - because she is dying for a grandbaby !! I have told her the smoking will have to stop (outside or something) she seems okay with it now, but will that really happen??? And my dad, it's like you hate to ask them to smoke outside in thier own house! I dunno, I am jumping the gun of course. Im not even pg. yet... but you have to think about these things. dh doesn't want our child to grow up in daycare, but like i said with my schedule.. i will still have bonding time. Sorry to ramble on this subject, but it hit home with me ! Good luck !


krc - February 2

You know when " smoking grandma's " daughter had her baby 8 months ago she cleaned the house inside and out ( hosue got dirty fast cuz at the time there was 8 adults , 4 children, & 2 large dogs all occupying the small house and no one taught anyone how to pick up after themselves ! Gross ) Anyway when she brought home the baby there was no smoking inside but sometimes people would sneak one in their bedrooms. Then, little by little they started. First it was grandma, lighting up in the living room, then the rule was it's okay just only in the kitchen. Well that didn't last very long. 7 of those 8 adults all smoked !!!! The kitchen was the social gathering scene of the house because when there is 12 mouths to feed your preparing food and doing dishes ALL DAY. I remember times when there was atleast 3 cigs lit at al times in the kitchen...with the new baby in the kitchen!!! I used to pick up the baby and go outside for awhile just for some fresh air. Anyways I went over there last night on my way home from work and now there is only 2 people smoking since 4 people moved out. But even so....those 2 people smoking bothered me. So even if I asked them to not smoke around the baby im sure after I was gone they'd be like...oh, it's okay. Well it's not !My boyfriend who died..when he was a baby he was very sick with infections and bad, bad asthma. He was in and out of the hospital. I bet her chain smoking and coffee drinking had something to do with his poor health !



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